


A treatise on phytopathology of apple trees

by Davechicken, UlsPi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Autistic Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is So Done (Good Omens), Corona virus pandemia, Crowley Has ADHD (Good Omens), Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Flustered Aziraphale (Good Omens), Ineffable social isolation, Jewish Crowley (Good Omens), Jewish Good Omens (Good Omens), M/M, Neurodiversity, RPG, Social Distance, Trans Crowley (Good Omens), Trees, lockdown - Freeform, long conversations, mentions of things and lord of the rings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23700217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: When many years later people would ask them how they met, Ezra would smile and Crowley would blush and Ezra would say looking at his husband: "He was singing Mozart, I said it was nice, so he punched me, and we fell in love immediately."
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 308
Kudos: 57





	1. Root & shoot

**Author's Note:**

> We're at it! Again. We want wahoos and comments and to cheer you up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a young male bee  
> Who loved his books and his tea  
> He was fooling around  
> When he suddenly found  
> A lanky young male tree

He sat by a young apple tree. "You know what you've got? The most common fungal disease an apple tree could get - Venturia inqequalis. Shame on you, really. This - in my garden. I can't heal you at this point, you know that?" The lanky ginger stood up and stepped aside. "I told moms to take care of you while I'm away... They have enough to deal with, you know? I should have known better."

He looked at the tree, stood straight and proud and sang in the clearest voice: "Dies Irae, dies illa, Solvet sæclum in favilla

Teste David cum Sibylla..."

All perfect Mozart. 

"This is what you get, you dumbass of a tree, a Catholic Requiem... You didn't listen to your Jewish masters, so this is your... Funeral. Either grow better or be gone."

A few swaying, sauntering steps around.

"Grow better!" He growled.

It was a rather nice day, and the slightly rotund man with his leather satchel filled with books let it bang against his thigh with each bouncy stride. He'd found a nice haul, between the community centre fair, and a couple of tiny charity shops. Never knew what you'd find, out just a short train ride from the capital. 

Hearing some familiar - if incongruous - singing, he turned slightly off his trajectory to find the source of the outburst. And saw the other man, threatening a young tree. 

Well. He'd seen more confusing things. He smiled at the younger man, and tilted his head. "I say, that was rather magnificent, but it seems to be a source of sorrow, not celebration that's in order?"

The younger man whistled, as if he had finally found the right ear, the appropriate audience. 

"Laaaaaaaaaaaacrimosa... Dies illa..." He stepped closer to the hedge and turned to look at his very prim, very appropriate audience. "No, no, no, no, it's dying... So it's Requiem. The Requiem. Were there any others..." A glance to the ground to check. No bacteria or fungi dared disagree with him. "There were... But not like this, you see," his arms on the hedge, but his ears tuned to the soil. "I planted this tree when I was eleven... And now it dies... Along with a part of me that's still eleven, you see? You hear? You hear how it rises, weeps its own demise... Qua re - sur - get ex fa - villa

Ju - di - can - dus homo reus... Like that? Can you hear it? Its very roots mourn themselves, poor buggers... Poor excuses for my efforts!" He kicked the soil angrily. He only missed a wig, a crown of powdered curls over his messy ginger hair.

"Is it certain it will die? Not to doubt your assessment, but to - well - it would be a shame for the eleven-year-old of anyone suffer." He clutched his satchel in both hands, blinking at the storm of a horticulturalist. "And not everyone sings the right thing at the right time."

"Well, I do..." The storm of a horticulturist stepped back, offended at any wrong assumption. He looked over the older man, blond hair, blue eyes, a huge cream coloured umbrella. Something must have crossed his thoughts, some training, some warning. He punched the blond man lightly, more to show that he could than to actually hurt, and proclaimed: "I'm a trans. No penis."

At the punch, his breath whuffed out, startled by both the impact and the introduction. "Oof... well... uh... I do? If that's not a problem? And... I'm Ezra, by the way. Am I right in thinking you go by 'he'?" Because he was pretty sure that was what he meant. "I think that you're probably not 'a' anything. Though I appreciate your - ah - candour."

"I'm Crowley..." He cast a glance at the half dead tree. "A Jewish transman. Any problems yet?" He stepped back cautiously.

"Not really. I'm cis, if not exactly heterosexual. Technically Jewish, not that... well. And I'm sorry about your tree." Ezra wondered why he felt the need to introduce himself so thoroughly, but this wasn't Soho, and perhaps he was a little less accepted by this - what was it - Tadfield community, than he should be?

He wondered if it was also a plea for companionship? Ezra normally was read as gay, which was close to correct, and maybe Crowley was reaching out for someone that was like-minded individual.

The younger man had apparently heard the magic words of his training and sauntered towards the gate. "Well, if that's so, do come in!" He invited, opening the gate. "Would you like to come in? I'm very well trained, you know, so... If you're more of a bastard than it's worth knowing, I'm going to... Kick your frankly remarkable arse!" He beamed.

"...would it be too much to ask for a halt on the bodily harm? We've only just met and you have already winded me." Ezra smiled, but walked towards the open gate, holding back just a little. "I mean, I must have deserved it, but I'd rather not deserve it again." Also, it was rather confusing. Nice words, and threats of violence. Rather a combination. "I have an open return, so I have time."

"Oh..." Crowley was confused. He mentally ran through everything his moms had ever told him, pondered and concluded: "You seem to be ok... I guess. Won't punch you again. Promise. Just... A precaution, you know?" He smiled... A smile to conquer kingdoms with. "Tea? Or should we open some wine to salut that miserable tree? Gay Jewish transman," he corrected out of the blue.

Ah, yes. So it was a verbal status update, or profile. Made sense, considering it was unlikely that many queer folk passed by your garden to compliment your singing. Well, you did have to take your chances. He supposed. Ezra was - queer? Pan? Something. Supposedly one with the widest catchment areas, and still he hadn't caught, but then he hadn't found his particular fish. And if nothing else, he may have found a friend with a good taste in music. 

"Perhaps tea, as I wouldn't want to abuse your hospitality, unless you're opening it for yourself. You do have a lovely garden, other than the offending tree. I'm assuming there's nothing to be done for him? Him? Her? Oh - aren't they both, or is that plants?"

Crowley went on a long lecture about plants and genders. It was full of Latin and Greek terms, several phraseologisms, some etymological facts and whatever not, but in the meantime Crowley took Ezra into a kitchen where flowerpots occupied more space than utensils, made some tea and fetched some biscuits and looked at Aziraphale as if the older man had obtained the secret to eternal life or something. "You are so very great!" Managed Crowley. "I'm a postdoc in Oxford. Plant pathology. Love Mozart. My mothers are rabbas. What do you do?" He spat out in one breath. He was trying to look at Ezra calmly. He failed. He looked at him as if Ezra had saved his life at least a hundred times.

Ezra enjoyed listening. He understood perhaps a quarter? Maybe more, though he wouldn't have been able to do more than offer the Cliff Notes afterwards. He calmly ate perhaps more biscuits than was proper for a visitor, but he was enjoying the information waterfall and the tea really was rather quenching. 

"I'm great... at listening to very smart people," Ezra corrected him, his own face echoing the smile without any conscious decision to do so. The happiness was simply infectious. "But thank you. I run my late grandfather's book shop, in Soho. It's why I was here..." 

He nodded down to the satchel. "Picking up new things for my collection. Which reminds me - you said pathology? Would you be interested in historical books on the topic, for personal interest, if not academic relevance? I'm pretty sure there's at least one on my shelves you might like."

Crowey's eyes lit up, if only for a moment. 

If only for one small moment he trusted Ezra completely.

"I would love to visit your place to gawk around and..." Something shifted in him and he frowned. "Tell me about yourself. I remembered..."

"You remembered?" Ezra caught the mood shift, his brow furrowing. "But what is it you'd like to know?"

"No. I remembered I needed to ask about you. People like it. I don't. But I'm more of a tree," and he laughed. He seemed so happy he was shining with it. "Anyway... Manners. What are you doing here and today?"

"Oh! You just meant in general. Yes, I suppose people do. Normally I quite like to listen." And when asked by other people, it felt more like an actual automatic formality. He wasn't sure if having to remind oneself to do it meant Crowley wouldn't be as interested, or if it was just a memory thing. 

"Like I said... Books for my collection. I got a few at the fair, and some at the pet charity shop and some more at the Oxfam shop. I like to make a trip of it, if I can. Get away from the Big Smoke, take in some fresh air as it were. Though there's plenty of green places still, it's just... Nice to see beyond the Tube, you know? And then you also get to hear free Mozart and be offered nice biscuits. So it's a wonderful day trip."

Crowley nodded along and then laughed again. "Well, I'm glad to have provided some entertainment... I really wish I could come by your place..." He caught himself. "You did invite me, didn't you? Must have. Otherwise why would I think of it? Why wouldn't I on the other hand? You're very handsome... Fuck!" He jumped up and messed his hair. "Bloody idiot! Me! I mean me, I'm an idiot, you're handsome. Fuck! Again... So sorry. Are you offended?"

Ezra's cheeks were rosy with flustered embarrassment, and he bit his lip to stifle the chuckle. 

"I'm not. Either offended, or handsome. But I appreciate the compliment even so." 

He reached into his inside jacket pocket and retrieved a business card. It was old fashioned in many ways (more than simply existing), with serifed typeface and then the modern touch of social media and online contacts as prominent as the location and phone number. 

"You are very welcome to come by, so I may return the hospitality and show you my meagre horticulture section. And... Well. To add a splash of colour and life to the old girl."

Crowley took the card, glanced at it, then at Ezra. "You're getting lost easily?" He asked softly. "Why else would you need a card with your name and address on it... Of course you are... You do..." His fingers on the card were very, very careful.

"It would certainly help with that, or if I was rendered unconscious. But primarily I use them to leave my details and business with a more... Lasting impression on people's minds."

Teacup lifted, drink ready. "Also in case I meet any cute boys on my travels. So far, only one, though."

"Ehm... Me? Not cute. Cute is a four letter word. I punch people. Punched you..." He dropped his limbs into a chair. "Sorry... I... I forget things... I really do get very well with trees. Maybe you are a tree?" He looked at Ezra very dreamily.

"Perhaps, though I think I am too mobile and vocal to be a tree. And surely that isn't your only interest?" Ezra let his foot stroke the soft leather of his satchel. "You only punched me once. I think that's rather easy to forgive. And I'm good at remembering, so don't worry, I can help with that."

Crowley swooned. "Moms told me to be upfront and ready for violence... I think I just decided to be the one who uses violence... Terrible. I'm so sorry. You're an angel. I like music. I like flowers. Fruit. Fungal diseases. Wicked things fungi... Why am I telling you this?" He looked at his lap puzzled. "What... Was the book?"

A tall woman with an air of quiet awesomeness walked into the kitchen, book in hand. She was wearing a small knit yarmulke atop of her grey-blond hair. 

"Anthony Joseph?" She asked looking at Crowley and nodding towards Aziraphale. 

"Mom, this is Ezra. I punched him, I'm afraid."

The woman's eyebrows crept closer to her hairline. 

"I did as you and ma always told me. I told him upfront that I was a transman and have no..."

"We told you to be upfront with the people you are attracted to... Oh." She covered her mouth with her hand simultaneously extending the other for a handshake. "I'm rabbi Leah. Nice... To meet you. Pardon..."

"Ezra," he replied, shaking hers. "And it's alright. It's rather refreshing to be considered worthy." 

She nodded and rather hastily walked away.

He turned back to Crowley. "May I ask why you go by... Surname, is it? Do you prefer it? Or is it like some military thing?"

"I just like it." Crowley shrugged. He was blushing most fetchingly. "Only moms call me by my name. S." He scratched his neck. "So, what's the book? Can I see?" His eyes gleamed and Ezra only then noticed how strange both their colour and the shape of the pupils were.

Ezra was too polite to ask, though he certainly paid attention. He picked up his satchel and opened it lovingly. "There's a few I got, but one I'm not prepared to part with. Here..."

He carefully handed over what looked dog-eared and unimpressive. It was a book of collected local lore, prophecy, and folktales for the Pennine communities. An old academic study, which had clearly never made it big. "There's only scraps of information about those times, gathered by anthropologists, like cultural archaeologists. Between poor literacy levels and persecution..."

"Oh..." Crowley very, very carefully took the books and placed them on his bony knees. "Oh..." He was looking through them, his eyes gleaming brighter with each page. "Don't mention a lot of plants though... But it's not that strange. I would be jealous if each book mentioned them... What would I then write about... Mushrooms... Flowers... There are always flowers. So I prefer trees. Trees are smart and sexy! Can be overall cheeky... Bastards, right bastards... And and fungi. Fungi are fearsome. And awesome. Awfearsome. Fearawesome. Smart, smart, smart buggers... Kind too... I am making no sense again, ngk." He sighed and put the books on the table.

"The botany was mentioned in local remedies, and sometimes in folklore. More prevalent in the Irish tradition, though, the fungus. Fairy circles and all... They turned the pharmacology into witchcraft, sadly." 

His nose furrowed. "The march of progress often trips over its own feet."

Crowley laughed, infectiously. It decidedly was some fungal infection, his laughter. 

"Trees, on the other hand, live long, have enough time to see enough things... I think they always question stuff. I certainly do. Maybe *I* am a tree? We could be trees together! Like a small cozy forest, bloody fucking hell!" He stood up and raffled his hair. "You..." He pointed an accusatory finger at Ezra. "Doing something to me! Don't stop, I need to figure it out."

"I don't think two trees count as a forest, maybe an - ah - orchard? Arboretum? And I know trees are supposed to talk to one another, but I don't think they'd be fond of the fact that I love books so much. Wouldn't that be cannibalism?"

Crowley gasped. "You're right... No, you're not! It's an honourable death."

"I do like the feel of paper... I'm perfectly happy to use electronic methods as well. But I'm... there's something... tactile about it. The rub under your fingers, the weight, the smell..." His eyes closed very slightly as he drifted, then snapped back. "Sorry. Got a little... yes."

Crowley was looking at Ezra as if he had just witnessed Ezra doing something indecent. Crowley was impressed and very fond.

"...it was my grandfather's bookshop. Fiction, non-fiction... anything he liked the look of. And I used to hide there, whenever I could. Especially after Mum... anyway. It was my home from home. And I loved all of it... so it made sense to study literature." His smile turned impish. "Went as far from home as I could. And then when Grandpa died, he left me the shop, and the flat, and... I gladly moved in."

Crowley's brow furrowed. "This sounds sad by the sound of what you left unsaid... I'm sorry. Where did you go?"

"Mmm. I lost my mother a long time ago. Still miss her, but... she'd be glad I was in her father's shop. We used to go to a bakery and I had to clean my hands before I was allowed near the books... I used to save some of the breadcrumbs for the birds..." He shook his head, trying to cast off the memory. It had been a long time. 

"Go? Oh, to study? Well, I couldn't stay near home, and I wasn't... I was rebelling, I suppose, so the day after the Oxbridge applications closed, I applied to everywhere above the Watford Gap I could. Picked Durham in the end. Much quieter. Not nearly as stressful. Still all the colleges and the rowing, though I was never one for the sporting things..."

"Durham!" Exclaimed Crowley. "Their garden is awesome! I love it there! Moms took me when I was five, I think. It was so, so, so... " Suddenly he leaned forward and held Ezra.

"Oh... ah... Crowley?"

Crowley sat back and for all intents and purposes appeared very scared. "I am so sorry. That was terribly inappropriate..." He stood up and retracted a bit. "I'm sorry." He fumbled with the pockets of his black jacket and came up with a pair of sunglasses he immediately perched on his sharp nose. "Sorry. Always make trouble, me." 

Leah walked back into the kitchen and stared at her son. Then at Ezra. Then repeated the process. 

"Son... Whatever happened, I have to remind you that your bus is in an hour." 

"I'll catch an earlier one." Said Crowley. "Can I run away?"

"No, stay and deal with it. Love you," she kissed him on the cheek and left again casting a quizzical glance at Ezra.

Ezra waited for Crowley's mother to leave. "It's alright, you know. It just took me by surprise. You're rather more... enthusiastic with your emotions than I am used to. My father's side of the family believed the stiff upper lip should extend beyond the knees." 

He tilted his head again, brows furrowing. "Would it be easier if I said if I'm uncomfortable, and then you - ah - then we try differently, but you know I won't be concealing when I am? And you know I won't be cross? I suspect you haven't had as much of a.... baptism of fire as most have?"

"Jew. No baptism." Was Crowley's reply. "I... I don't understand... Anything."

"Figure of speech. I think they baptised me. Definitely did the--" he made a gesture with two fingers, to indicate a snip. "Best of both worlds? And I'm pretty sure no one understands anything. Or, many things. Just that they're better at hiding it and less honest about it."

Crowley was visibly gathering his wits. "I... Need to go and... The bus. Can I text you? If I..." He began searching for the pretext out loud. "Get lost? Want to talk? No, too straightforward... I can't hug him again! No hugging, you idiot. Who wants to hug the triangle that you are? Bleeurgh... In case I get lost!" His face brightened and dimmed. "I mean... On the way to your shop."

"I would be delighted to have you text me, whether or not you get lost. Although, perhaps I could walk you to the bus stop? I have maps on my phone, and I am sure I can find the train station after. Then I can return the favour if you do find it difficult to locate my rather... curious shop." He offered a pat on the hand, by way of not-quite-hug. "Triangles are very solid figures, though you are more of a column. Or - as you said - a tree."

Crowley shook his hands and yelled "Yessss. It worked!" He pulled Ezra's card out from his pocket where he had placed it carefully earlier, and his phone and sent Ezra a text, very smooth too, - an apple and a tree.

Ezra grinned. "I'll reply later. Seems a shame to waste the time we have. Where is your bus taking you?"

"Back to Oxford. I'm on a sabbatical from teaching... Thank the Lord! But I'm doing my research. Moms called me to look at the tree... And probably to feed me... I'm going then. I will. Yes. Great. Marry me. Fuuuuck!!!" Crowley rushed out of the kitchen, missing his mother by a sheer miracle.

She walked in, reading, and said severely and affectionately:

"I asked not to curse so loudly... Oh." She lifted her eyes. "Ehm... The boy?" She asked Ezra by way of description.

"... proposed marriage then left? I'm assuming he doesn't do that to everyone he just met?"

His smile was a little too broad, one that was coralling in hysteria, and trying to find the correct social response. Which was what? His eyes begged for answers, and he wondered... "Oh, heavens, I shouldn't overstay my welcome, it's your house after all!"

Leah lingered and hummed. "You're assuming correctly. He barely talks to us, let alone other people... Are you opposed to marrying him? In theory? I'm only asking out of pure curiosity..."

"I... Can't say I'm opposed, but I also only just met him, and usually in my experience - such as it is - you normally get to know one another a little more, first? After all, if it's so easy to start, then what's to say it won't end as quickly, too?"

"You don't seem to know much about trees then," explained Leah. "Well... Sara soon comes home, so I'll busy myself with dinner... You're welcome to stay, if you want." She put the book down and took a pan... "Alright... Correct me if I'm wrong, but he was embarrassed, wasn't he?

"Apparently not. About trees. I mean, just the layperson..." Trees? What kind of family was this?

"I'm... Uh..." Maybe he shouldn't stay. But the next train (upon consulting his watch discreetly enough) was at least an hour off, and this was all very surreal. "Yes? He punched me, informed me of his... Ah... Status and then said I was a tree, amongst other things. I had only stopped to admire his singing... Oh, he declared the tree unsalvageable, my condolences."

"I actually meant right now, but all in good time. So, first, yes, he sings beautifully. Second, this tree has been alive only because boy sang to it or used every curse in English and for whatever reason medieval French talking to it. Third. He's an autistic queer Jew. We taught him to protect himself and we taught him to be, well, painfully honest so as to avoid unnecessary heartbreak over some arsehole. As far as I can tell, he liked you, of course he did, so he got... Excited. What is important though, is that when he gets excited, he's restless and unless the driver knows him he might be asked to get off the bus... And here it goes!"

A shorter woman with too knowing brown eyes and terribly messy dark hair walked into the kitchen, took a glance at Ezra and kissed Leah on the lips.

"I'm Sara," she introduced herself, then turned to her wife again. "Anthony is off the bus, I'm going to give him a lift..." Her phone rang and everyone in the kitchen could hear Crowley yelling that he was 30 and didn't need a lift. "Of course you don't," Sara replied calmly. "I do." And she ended the call and left as swiftly as she entered.

"Oh, have I caused a bother? I'm terribly sorry." He tucked his chin in a little, chastised. "I didn't mean to... er, I - I was just... he seemed like he needed a friend who had something in common, and, well, we were having a rather nice chat..."

"Crowley is capable of causing a bother all on his own." Leah replied kindly. "And he's more than capable of walking his way to Oxford, it's not that far, but... We prefer to solve it like that, it's... For us, not for him. I believe you're the one bothered here. So... Dinner?" She was cooking now, something smelled delicious, the kitchen became warmer... "You should text him. He'll get even more excited and Sara will throw him out as far from his flat as ten metres." Leah laughed.

"Oh, wouldn't that be cruel? Should - I mean, you know your son better than anyone, and - er - I haven't met anyone like him..." Ezra wrung his hands. "I suppose you hear that a lot. And - er - I don't know what's polite to - to say or... uh..."

Leah laughed, the same infectious laugh her son had. "Tell him whatever you want. He'll consider it a pinnacle of a good conversation if you tell him everything you know about trees. Or if you tell him you're staying for dinner. Or if you tell him he's the weirdest sex bomb on Earth!" She stuck her tongue out and laughed again.

"Oh, I say - I'm - I'm afraid that's a little more than I'm comfortable with, with you being his mother and all..." He sucked his lips in, and juddered. "I'm afraid I should really go, although the dinner offer is incredibly kind of you. I - ah - er, should I - I mean... if I were to - pursue things... should I... is there anything I should avoid doing?"

Leah smiled. "Not telling you anything, Ezra. Take care."

"...well. Alright... it was lovely to meet you. And - well - your wife in passing." He pulled his satchel to his chest, and walked out with a little touch of the forelock as he did. 

When he got to the front door, his eyes slid to the prayer box there, and then he snapped his gaze forwards and away. 

***

It wasn't commuter heavy time, and he was going into London, into the centre, instead of away to the suburbs. So the train wasn't his booked one, but he still found a seat. One without a neighbour to distract him. He pushed the satchel below the seat in front, and drummed his fingers on the fold-down table, wondering what to say. 

(And perhaps doing a quick search or two on relationships with autistic people, which led to rather more worry.)

In the end, he settled for something simple. After all, he wasn't quite ready to accept any marriage proposals, but he had enjoyed the day, baffling as it was. 

>>> Thank you for the tea and biscuits. Please let me know you have arrived safely. I shall put the books to one side if you'd still like to visit. Ezra x 

Okay, so it was ridiculously formal, but - well - so was he. He paid for a packet of gingernuts off the trolley, and continued to search terms he'd never needed to before, and not worry about how soon (or not) it would take to get a reply.

The reply came two hours later and read:

<<< Ezra! You. I'm so sorry. I AM AN IDIOT. I'll drop by soon. Thank you. I'll love Mozart even more now. You're the most beautiful human tree in the world.


	2. Birds and bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our very peculiar tree  
> Thinks it's courting the bee  
> They go for a walk  
> A flirt and a talk  
> They're as hopeless as they can be

Crowley was standing, and the train was moving. Crowley admired his own effort. He'd rather move too so he fidgeted with his old and loose Rubik's cube. He never managed to solve it but he never considered giving up.

"I am attractive. I am smart. I can be fun at parties, especially if I'm the only one there... No, no, no, moms say I'm attractive, and they don't have a choice. But I should believe it. I should not propose again. I absolutely should not..." 

He got off the train and found the shop without much trouble which was disappointing, really. He opened the door, forgot to close it, saw Ezra and loudly said:

"Marry me! Fuck! Again! Hi!"

"Well, at least you got the first two in the right order to be socially acceptable," he chuckled, and went red again. He really was on the eager side, which was both thrilling and terrifying, in equal measure. 

"Would you like a drink, or...?"

Crowley blushed and cursed himself for opting for a rather low cut v-neck. Now his blush could be traced quite far... Actually if the blush could be traced at all, it felt very embarrassing. He stepped inside the shop and looked around, awing and cooing at the sight of endless shelves, full to the brim, the smell of old paper and freshly made tea and...

"You're working though." He turned to Ezra. "I'd love a drink, to be honest... But I might propose more after, so... No. No drink. Should I fetch you something maybe?"

Ezra glided past him, his foot closing the door behind him as he circled slowly around. "To be honest, I can easily close up for the day..." Fingers twisting the sign to 'Closed'. "And you can have the run of the place. I did invite you, after all. And it's okay to keep proposing, so long as you know I won't say yes as quickly as you ask..."

Crowley tried to say something, failed, pouted, scratched his head and said:

"I'll... Love a look around." And he disappeared between the shelves. 

A moment later he realised it might have been impolite, but the books were all around him... He hopped. Hopped again. Laughed out loud and then sang:

La vendetta, oh, la vendetta,

è un piacer serbato ai saggi,

l'obliar l'onte, gli oltraggi,

è bassezza, è ognor viltà.

Coll'astuzia...coll'arguzia,

col giudizio, col crterio

si potrebbe...il fatto è serio,

ma credete si farà...

He laughed again and turned and swayed around and ran straight into Ezra. "Fuck!" He yelled.

"Lemon honey tea?" Ezra offered, pulling it to his chest, nearly splashing it over himself as he avoided the worst of the collision. "With a voice like yours, it needs to be cultivated and nurtured, after all."

"Voice. Tea." Crowley agreed and took the cup. "Thank you. I don't like lemon. Or honey." He downed the drink. "But I could have more." He smiled. "I am a terrible mess, right?"

"Not a terrible one, but perhaps a little scruffy." Ezra smiled too. "How about you investigate my tea collection, and then you can sing for me as you peruse what I've collated for you?"

"Sssssing for you? I was singing, yeah... Actually... Whatever you want, you know. I'm surprised you're talking to me, to be honest. But I'm so glad you are!" Crowley beamed. "Take me to your tea collection! Always wanted to say that and didn't know it!"

"Well, sing... and I will take advantage of it and listen... if you don't mind, that is..." Ezra guided Crowley to the smaller back rooms, which were just a little more cosy and homely. The kitchen area was a little bit of a mess, but it was well-loved. A large tea caddy with fruit and leaf teas, canisters with coffee, sugar, cocoa... a spice rack, an over-filled mug tree, and a pile of clean, then not so clean dishes.

"Oh, dishes!" Crowley seemed to be the only person in existence to be glad to see some dirty dishes. "I can do them!" And he proceeded to do the dishes regardless of anything. "Oh..." He said again, wiping his hands. "I'm sorry. That was too much of me. Awful! Tea... You said there was tea. And I did the dishes."

"Crowley... it was very sweet of you, but you should let me look after you when you're my guest. Would you - would you please pick a tea, and sit for just a moment? I would like to talk to you."

Crowley nodded and sat - for just a moment. Then he just kinda slouched -- and decided it was impolite, so he sat up. "Tea. Right. Do you have... Lemongrass? Or mint? Or just plain old Darjeeling? Or... Oh yes! Green! With Jasmine! Should it rhyme? I'm too much... Yes. Anything you like." He made an attempt to sit primly. The attempt lasted for a second and then he slouched again.

"I hope you do not find this - impolite - of me. But you are - your mother told me you are on the autistic spectrum. I am not. And I haven't ever known anyone who - well I haven't known I've known anyone who is - and I'm not. And - and what I'm trying to say is, yes, it is a little difficult for me. But I am sure it is more difficult for you."

Ezra took the latest in the stream of options, and then made the tea for him. "So I am sure we are both going to - well - find one another confusing at times. But I would like you to know I am prepared to try to find a way to become better acquainted. So will you tell me how I can help? And - and forgive if I make any mistakes of my own?"

Crowley nodded along, a bit automatically. "But Ezra... You're perfect. I mean... I... I can't thank you enough for giving me another chance... Most people find me exhausting, too... Too me. And you... You want to know me. I... You can't do wrong by me, angel... Bloody hell! What is wrong with me!" He pulled his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid it will be difficult for you... Fuck, you're so perfect! So... So Ezra Fell, I can't... Fuck!" He took his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on. "Now I'm definitely less embarrassing." He smiled sadly.

"And infinitely more enigmatic. Please... I am much less than perfect. And you should - you should also know that you aren't 'wrong'. You're different." Ezra sat down, carefully. "You are fine with physical contact? And you will tell me if I am over-stepping?"

Crowley gaped. "You mean... You're ok with... With touching me? I mean... I... I'd love you to touch me. If you want. I... I... You... I... I never wanted to touch anyone. Or be touched by anyone... If I see you... When I see you, I... I feel you touching me. If my eyes touch you, the sight of you does something to my brain and when I... Look at you... It's like... Holding you. I'm sorry I held you. I..." He looked very much like a disoriented fish.

Ezra shuffled his chair closer. "Slowly, but yes. I enjoy your company. You are incredibly refreshing and engaging. I can't say I'm as - as quick to warm to people as you are, but..."

He held out his hand, and smiled. "How about we try to find the middle ground together?"

Crowley scooted back, wary and sad. "Warming up to people? What people? What the fuck are you talking about? How... No. I... I'm nuts about you, ok? I'm a scientist, I'm considered very bright. I am bright. Don't you dare... I shouldn't have come..." 

But he was too heartbroken to get up and leave. It felt heavy and peculiar. He wanted to get close to this Ezra Fell, despite everything that didn't want to get close to anything that wasn't a tree or a fungus. And this Ezra Fell took him for a... No. He couldn't do it and his legs couldn't do it. So he hid behind his hands.

"Crowley? Crowley... this is exactly what I mean. I am - you have proposed marriage to me twice, and we haven't even had dinner. You simply... go too fast for me." Ezra kept his hand where it was, though he looked unhappy, too. 

"I'm talking about you. I - I am not as... fast at growing. Perhaps I'm a very slow tree. But it doesn't mean I won't get there. We are... different. But we can co-operate... if we talk?"

"I'm non-Eucledian, ok?" Crowley mumbled from behind his palms. "I proposed because what you do to me is different to anything anyone has ever done to me... This is how my brain decided to process it. I apologised too. Don't hold it against me... We talk, yes. Good. I'm sorry. You're a very good tree, by the way."

"Please... I'm not holding it against you. I'm - I'm trying to explain. I would like to - would like to perhaps hold your hand? I do not want you to - to change who you are, but also... I can't suddenly become like you. If... if you think it's possible to work, then... it can do." Ezra offered his hand one last time, feeling the bottom of his stomach fall through.

Crowley looked at the hand -- and took it gingerly. "They say... Other people, normal people, they always say "be sincere, be open". I could never... Trust it. I trust you, though, and I'm... Open and sincere. I... I'm not saying we should... No. I'm saying... I'm saying you're doing something to me. When I think of you, I... Can't breathe. When I see you, I... Like I was colour blind before... And... I don't want you to change, but you need to... See that... You need to translate, ok? Out loud, if possible, so that we're on the same page. I say "marry me", and I think what I mean is "hello, how are you, I'm so happy to see you", and... Fuck, I love holding your hand... Just... You're so clever. Please, translate me, alright? It's not so bad when you get used to it, I think. I... No."

"Normal? My dear boy, there's no such thing. More common, perhaps, which just means you're special. And I mean that in the 'rare jewel' way, not a bad way..." Ezra gently squeezed Crowley's palm, but was ready to release it if needed. 

He listened closely, and ran his thumb over the hand. "I think I do. It might take me a while to be fluent in Crowley. And I will try to be clear, too. You're also very clever, and we're smart in our own ways. So... my language is a little more... ah, restrained. So..."

How did he say it? "You are invigorating and challenging, and I want to spend time with you, though I don't know what that means just yet. I definitely would like to continue talking with you, and listening to you sing, and inviting you for - for - books, or coffee, or... whatever you'd like. So, perhaps we understand you are... eleven when you mean... seven. And I am eleven, when I am seven..."

"I don't understand." Crowley replied. "But I will try, I swear... I will. I will never speak Ezra, I guess. But I will do my best to understand Ezra. There. I did it."

He did it, he thought, he managed to... To not entirely screw it up.

"Wh... What should we do now? Your speed. And number theory. Anything."

"How about you look at the books, and you tell me what kind of food you like, and I book us a table somewhere?"

"I eat kosher. I love beans. Mushrooms, but only when crispy... I'm... I can try new things! You... You... You... Pick a place you like. I'll find what I can eat there. Can I... Can I sit here a bit? It's cozy and you're here."

"I'm... Not kosher. Not any more. Do you... Do you eat kosher food in a non kosher establishment? Or should I look further afield?" Ezra nodded happily at the couch.

"Oh definitely, pick any goyish place and I'll get me something vaguely kosher there..." Crowley's smile turned bitter all of a sudden. "You know... I wrote assignments for some lazy arseholes in my class... I still earn quite a lot by doing it... Just not the medics. Never help medics. They need to learn for real, right? So... Some people invited me to a restaurant once and... I had never eaten eel and I didn't know what it was but they said it was ok, and then laughed at me..." His smile became cruel. "See, when I write for people, it's... Unrecognizable. I can... Fit in, on paper. After that evening, I went to a few professors and told them I was bullied into writing for those people, like... I'm autistic and I don't take hints, you know? They were expelled, and my moms almost decapitated me. I can be..." He looked up, a proper hungry snake. "Can be so normal."

"Well, I will never knowingly trick you. I mean, it wouldn't be a trick. It would be a mistake." 

Ezra sent him a link to the sushi place, over WhatsApp, and looked up. "They have veggie and some vegan options there. Will you be offended if I ever eat non kosher? I'm... Well. I've not given it thought in some time."

"What do you mean? You keep saying things... Like... You... No, you'll tell me, if you want. And I trust you." Crowley clicked on the link but didn't look at it. "Eat whatever you want, angel... Bloody hell! Ezra! Eat what you want. I only eat because I collapsed several times when I... Kinda forgot to eat? So moms told me to eat at every opportunity, kashrut be damned... Can you imagine what I did to two rabbas? So anyway, I eat to live, and I'll eat. Swear. Will send a picture to moms." He smiled. "I don't strike you as evil, do I? Because I'm not."

"I don't think you're evil at all. I think you're perfectly trying to defend yourself and survive, which is just what the world would want. So... I'll book a table there, and you can send them a selfie of us, if you like."

Ezra got up, and went to fetch a small selection of books. "These are for you. My gift."

Crowley looked at the books. "Medieval mycology? Oh you know how to make a boy happy!" He smirked. "It's perfect... Gift? For me? Really? Marry... Sorry. I mean, I'm... Thank you. I'm going to stuff them into my bag like a greedy rat. Ok?"

"I would be very sad if you didn't want to," Ezra chuckled. "I went through every shelf looking for things you'd talked about. I'm afraid I may have put some that are less relevant, but you can always swap those for ones you find in the shelves."

"No way! I love medieval treatises! They are awesome... Wrong but awesome. I'll never swap your gift for anything. Never." Crowley shoved the books into his bag and closed the zipper as if afraid someone might snatch his treasures away from him.

"Would you like to look about some more, or get coffee before we go for sushi?"

"I... I want to be with you now, if that's ok? I will read your books when I can't have you... Your! Your company. This place is... Wonderful. I'd spend days here as a boy. Moms took me to any library around, and I would... Find things and sit... Pretend this was how the world should be, you know? They snatch swings from you on a playground but nobody ever would snatch a book about gardening from me." Crowley smiled so brightly he could blind some people. He was happy, he was elated even, all sharp lines and angles, black clothes, covered eyes. Someone alien and different, but in harmony with Ezra. They'd make a sonata for piano and cello worthy of Bach.

"I know... this was my grandfather's... Mum used to bring me here, and I would... I would vanish between the shelves..." Ezra looked wistful. "I could give you the tour, though there's not much to say that the books can't say themselves. Or we could take a walk to the restaurant. It's via St James' park. Not the most exciting of parks, but there's still some life to be seen..."

He flustered again, under the intensity of that smile. "You could tell me about the title of your thesis - is it a thesis, or just a publication? As we go..."

"Or I could shut up for once?" Crowley smiled equally wistfully. "I could tell you about the trees I see... My thesis is about fungal diseases of apple trees... Well, so my supervisor thinks. I'm steering it away... Single pollinators, you know? There are species that are supposed to be pollinated by the species of bees that's gone extinct. It's sad, really, but it's... It's like a love affair without hope. A perfect..." His fingers twitched in the air, conducting and demonstrating. "Lacrimosa. A mourner's kaddish. They still haven't changed, they are still waiting... I'd wait for you like this... Fuck! Fuck!"

Ezra got up, bent down, and kissed the red hair below him. "Then come on. I want you to tell me all about it. It's lovely to hear your mind work, and hear you talk about what interests you. And then - you do like fiction, too? I can tell you about my favourite poets, and my playwrights?"

Crowley got a bit drunk on the kiss and produced a series of consonants.

"Ngk... Nrkhkg... Yeah... I want you to tell me about those. I always cried reading fiction. Moms wanted to avoid it so Shakespeare was put on the highest shelf..." He continued in a conspiratorial whisper. "I built a pyramid, though, three chairs, very bad physics. So I fell and broke my arm. They never hid a book from me again."

"Oh dear... I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps we could also catch a play sometime. You can hardly walk five minutes in the capital without finding a production or two. Hamlet is my favourite... though, I am fond of most of them."

Ezra held his hand out, to help him up.

Crowley took his hand happily. "I still prefer the funny ones. Cried over them just as much, but... Well, I'm a weirdo, ok? So moms didn't know what to do with it... Look at me, a perfect Jewish boy, always on about my moms." He chuckled. "I'd love to do anything, Ezra... I'm... I'm researching this species... It's called the Eden apple, and it's pollinator, the angel's bee, went extinct a few years ago. The tree didn't catch up, still waiting... The apples are exquisite, so it's going to last some time more, but the reports say it was amazing when the angel's bees were around. See, no need for bees when humans are around, so the bees just... Died out. Plenty of honey anyway. But the apples... You can only find them in Harrod's... Precious, they are. Sushi?"

"You're a much better Jewish boy than I ever was." Ezra pulled him towards the door, and locked up the shop behind them. "And they care about you a lot. Questioned my intentions, when you left, so I assume they approve of us."

He held out his arm to link, and to make sure he kept going. He listened intensely, feeling a little sad as he did. "Yes, well. Humans have changed a lot of species, for good or bad. But, also, created and developed more. I shall have to make sure I send you a bushel of said apples, if they will deliver. If not, you'll have to come back to visit for me to get them to you."

Crowley carefully took Ezra's arm, quite incredulous about his luck. "Humans... Humans are strange... You know, at first they followed the herd, chased away the predators... Then it turned out that one could take care of the herd without going anywhere because the herd kept travelling for food anyway... Wheat mutated most fortunately... So they stopped. More food meant more spare time, and there you got your poets." Crowley smiled at Ezra.

"Poets, and beer. And the two go together very well, though better still when it was grapes, I feel. I don't know why, but wine seems more... poetic, to me?" They entered the park, and followed the path around. 

"I like both. And spirits. And food. Most things, to be honest with you. You don't get a gut like mine if you don't enjoy your food and drink, and I most certainly do."

Crowley tugged at Ezra's arm forcing him to stop. People ran into them and cursed and both men ignored them with practiced nonchalance. "You're perfect." Crowley said with conviction. "All of you. Soft and hard, hedonistic and ascetic. You're perfect. You're the cello for this fucking piano, ok? And... I can't rejoice in these things like you, I'd never look at a biscuit with so much love and appreciation, but you're perfect. So... Let's get on." He steered, nay, pulled Ezra along.

No one had really admired his epicurean side before. Always the slanted eyes and unspoken criticism when he picked up 'too much' or ordered extra side dishes. He enjoyed food. His body was his, despite what the world seemed to think. And here he was, being appreciated for it. 

"I'm sure you're actually the smoothest talker I ever met," he mumbled, and squeezed again. "Perhaps I'll teach you biscuits, and you'll teach me Bach? Or some other topics... my main rebellion was between leaves of paper... and shelves of the fridge..."

"I *am* very smooth," said Crowley, managing to sound both surprised and flirtatious. "And that's some cool rebellion you've got there... Did I ever rebel? Hm... I don't think I did. As for Bach, I'm sure you can tell me a thing or two about music yourself, if you recognised Mozart when I was torturing the poor bugger."

"I listen to it. But doesn't mean I can sing, or know it... And you seem to be the kind of person who wants to know everything about anything he likes..."

Ezra paused them, for a moment, as they neared the lake. At least one duck's brood was a little early, and tiny yellow blobs of fluff followed their mother around on the water. 

He squeezed the arm he'd stolen. "Aren't they precious?"

"You are... I mean they are. I was talking to them. Did you know there's a species of duck that often mates for life? Also, drakes have huge penises... Or no penises at all and their mating is called "cloacal kiss". I doubt this is smooth... Not smooth at all. Gross... Although cloacal kiss sounds tender... I mean... For a duck. And water slides off them most beautifully... They could never enjoy a good shower, though... Fuck!" Crowley rubbed his face.

"Maybe they would enjoy the shower, all the same? If it's warm. I mean, we don't soak up water, except in the hairy parts, so..."

One duckling got very excited, splashing furiously, and Ezra laughed, pointing. "That one is you. And, er... Maybe that's... How you mate? I mean. If it's not... Upsetting to discuss. Or are you more of a tree, and... I'm talking too Ezra, aren't I?"

Crowley at the moment was more of a fish (again!) than a duck, judging by the gaping and surprised look from behind his sunglasses that slid down his nose a bit. 

"I'm... Ehh... I don't have a cloaca, I'm afraid. I mean... I can't. Humans don't. I'm a human... Mostly. At least body-wise... Is that... Disappointing?"

"I was meaning more... By inference. Uhm. I'm not attracted to ducks. But I am attracted to humans. Of... All kinds. At least in theory, in practice I'm... I suppose I study a lot but don't..."

Ezra's head turned, clearly embarrassed. "I'm trying to say I'm... Good with whatever you... might... one day like, perhaps. But also if you're... If that isn't what you like, I'm fine with that, too. It's not like I'll be turning away a long queue of suitors..."

"Oh... Oh... OH!" Crowley understood. "I'm gay. I'm... I mean... It's a lot of... Trust, ok? But I trust you, completely. I don't understand why there is no... How did you put it? Long queue of suitors. I mean. I'd wait there. Like a tree. I want to... To touch you. Want you to touch me. Very much... I think it's even embarrassing... It's like... Like I only realised I had skin when I saw you and... And now it tickles when I look at you... Like... It wants... I want to be touched. Yeah. There!" He was very proud of himself.

"And... Uhm. Good. I'm..." Very, very, very red. "I'm not. Just gay. Is what I'm trying to... I mean, I... I'm okay with... All of the things. If you're okay with it. I know it might possibly... I know some people don't enjoy what they... Have. But I'm... Willing to... If we decide to... I'll be okay with all... Things."

Damn, this was embarrassing. And he was frustrated that it was so much harder for him, apparently. "I like you. Not... It's not about what's in your pants, or not in your pants. And. Any way or... part of you that... you'd like to be touched, I would be honoured to..."

Crowley began his response with sweet and soft cooing. Then he turned into a human reincarnation of a blue screen or a very old tractor on a kibbutz. He hummed, huffed and harrumphed. Consonants poured out of him like theoremas out of Fermat, and made just as little sense at first glance. 

"You... You would? Oh, I'd love you too. Whenever you want. I'm not patient. I'm not impatient either... Actually I'm pretty quantum when it comes to you, which must be ridiculous but makes perfect sense... So... I'm... I... You're so perfect. Perhaps we should go on, because otherwise I'll snog you. Or propose again. I don't even have a ring... This is the most preciously idiotic day of my life!"

Ezra decided the best thing to do at that moment was to turn, face-on, and cup that face before it gyrated off his shoulders. How was he so damnably attractive? And sweet? And honest? 

Truly, the world wasn't able to appreciate what a thing it had made. "Would it be better if I kissed you?"

This was far too fast, but with the rate Crowley opened his heart by way of his mouth, he was sure he knew him better than anyone he'd known. And that tug was there, in his belly, telling him this was right. "Then you won't need to propose, because I already understand."

Crowley somehow stopped in his endless and various tracks. He looked indeed very smooth, smouldering even...

"Yes... Kiss me. That'll be a first for sure. I... Hope to live up to any... Expectations." He licked his lips, nodded and took his sunglasses off. "There. All yours," he added with painful serenity.

"Hopefully not the last." Ezra ran his thumb over a cheekbone, admiring Crowley's face, first, before tilting him down and to the side. He was only a little taller, so Ezra didn't need to arch up, and he dragged his lower lip over the younger man's mouth. And then pressed their lips together, with the smallest of moans of bliss.

The old kibbutz tractor made a reappearance for one damned second, and then Crowley found himself fully in the moment, without any wish to escape anywhere or think of something else, since there and then was the best place he could have ever dreamed of -- soft lips, and warm hands, and his own hands slithered around Ezra's waist and pulled the man closer, closer, oh bugger, there couldn't be anywhere closer still, but he had to make do. It was better than... Than anything. It felt better than munching on Mozart's tunes in the moments of extreme excitement. It sounded good, it smelled deliriously good, and no cloacas were involved, just that warm and lovely mouth on his own, breath and saliva and quiet, soft moans of pleasure.

Ezra was not used to being - okay. Ezra didn't go around romantically kissing anyone in parks, ever. And when he was thinking of things of a sexual nature in any detail, it was in private. In his flat above the shop. Not in public, with a warm, slender body pressed flush against him. 

So when he felt the stirring tightness in his pants, he whimpered, but didn't break off the kiss. Not until he'd finished, and then he kept hold of him wondering if it was prolonging the agony and extending the issue, or concealing it until it was less visible. 

"That... was..."

A tutting noise from behind made him whip his head around angrily. The woman in question was short, dark haired, and wearing one of those masks you usually only saw on trains or the tube, not in a park. Bloody hysteria. Now he didn't know if it was their gender, or the saliva swapping that had her annoyed enough to pass passive aggressive judgement. 

"If my boyfriend and I cause you discomfort, I'd kindly invite you to go literally anywhere else," he snapped at her. 

Which she did. And then Ezra pushed his face into said (unconfirmed) boyfriend's neck. He hated confrontation.

Crowley protectively wrapped his arms around Ezra's shoulders. "Should I punch her, angel?" He asked softly.

"No... but thank you for offering." He was shaking a little, and he clutched tighter. "Sorry. I'm - I don't normally yell. It makes me upset. And - and you're... okay with... what I said?"

"I don't think I can be relied on to remember my own name right now," Crowley replied dreamily. "Boyfriend... I'd love that... That would be so lovely... Can I... I'm afraid I'm very stupid. And excited. Can I have another kiss?"

"You can, but a little one, because I'm afraid I'm a little... er..." He bit his lip. "...vulgar for being in public right now, and you told me you forget to eat a lot, so I think I should make sure you get fed. Would you like to kiss me this time?"

Crowley choked on something that might have been just plain air but tasted like very good wine. He tilted his head a bit too much, but it didn't prevent him from achieving the ultimate goal of touching Ezra's lips with his. He moaned, far too loud perhaps, and placing one of his hands on the back of Ezra's head, pulled him closer. He tried to say something against those lips -- and it turned out that the frantic movements of his mouth could bring forth more wonderful noises of presumably, hopefully pleasure from Ezra, so he decided he was going to talk to Ezra via kissing from this day on.

Ezra's knees nearly buckled, and he had to grab a hip to balance himself and prevent himself from doing anything ridiculous like toss him behind a bush and - well - toss him. When the kiss finished, he nipped at his lips, growling. "We have to have sushi now. I'm taking care of you, remember? And that means making sure you're properly fed." He ran his nose against Crowley's. "You may need to enter the building before me, though. I need a bench to hide behind for a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley sings Bartolo's aria from Le nozze di Figaro. The meaning is irrelevant, it's just very bouncy.


	3. Mating rituals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bee and the tree have a talk  
> Of the algae making it work  
> With a cab to get home,  
> For hours they bone  
> And now neither of them can walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good time of the day to all you bees, trees and their distant human relatives. Stand united, you glorious multi-cellular organisms.  
> This chapter is solely sex as the title suggests cheekily. Plotwise, nothing happens. Proceed with caution. The beginning of sex-sex is marked by a pensive line of asterisks.

Ezra made sure Crowley ordered enough, and picked enough plates from the revolving treadmill. Alright, it wasn't the highest end of places, but he also knew they had vegetarian options here, so they'd be safer than places that catered to the more traditional palate exclusively. 

He tried not to take too many things. Tried to keep it to a reasonable amount. But there were so many lovely things, and Crowley was such a delight to listen to, that he just kept pushing in little rolls and dipping his fingers clean and before he knew it, he'd polished off the whole lot. His lips glistened with fish oil and soy, his eyes hazy with pleasure. He could go into a little, sated coma right now.

"So seaweed and terrestrial plants play the same roles in their ecosystems, because they all fucking photosynthesize, right? But in general, macroalgae are structurally simpler than terrestrial plants. See, they don't have the traditional... Build of a plant. Macroalgae don't have this typical system of root, stem and leaf, but! They have a holdfast, so that they can stay where they are. Instead of a stem and leaves, they have a non-vascular stype and blades. Also, they lack multi-cellular sex organs... Ezra, are you alright? I wanted to ask you..." He looked at his half eaten food. "Why did you say you needed to hide behind a bush? Was it because I didn't punch that lady? I knew I should have punched her!"

"...how do they reproduce then, if they don't have multi-cellular sex organs?" Ezra asked, frowning. "And you haven't eaten most of your food. Is it alright? Do you need to go somewhere else?"

He squirmed uncomfortably. "I thought you'd - uhm - felt why I needed a little... protective shielding. You miss out on one unfortunate side effect of having the... bells and whistles version of masculinity. You know..." He let his eyes dart down to his lap, and back up again, and then checked no one had noticed. "It *likes* you," he whispered.

"Oh... Many ways! Some reproduce asexualy... They are called the lower types, but they are wiser than most... Some produce motile zoospores, and those buggers just flow off and anchor themselves and..." Crowley was faced with one of his rolls held gently in Ezra's immaculately manicured fingers.

"Chew, then talk," Ezra said. "Actually, chew, swallow, then talk." In case Crowley needed clearer directions, as Ezra ran the roll across his lips like a kiss. Or maybe something more indecent.

Crowley obediently opened his mouth and took the whole roll in one go. "Did you..." He was chewing. "Did you refer to your... Penis? It likes me?" He swallowed his half-chewed food. "Never met it. Can I?"

"...not in public," Ezra said, and now he was crossing his legs again, and no, that made it worse. So he picked up another roll, and - damn why was sushi so inadvertently phallic - brushed his lip with his thumb. "Don't talk with your mouth full, dear. The world can wait for a moment so you don't choke or spray it."

Crowley ate another roll. "Do you want to hear more about seaweed reproduction? Or should I just shut up and eat?"

"How about you eat, then you can tell me about it on the way back to the shop? Though I might get us a cab..." He found one roll a little too incoherent, so he picked it up with chopsticks, and brought it to his lips. "Besides, I like to watch you eat. It's... very... enticing."

"Really?" Crowley asked, chewing most vigorously. "I think you're just so incredibly hot when you eat... Sorry. I'm being inappropriate again, right?"

"Well, I just said the exact same thing, in 'Ezra'," Ezra pointed out. "So I think we're both being terribly inappropriate. And before long, I'm going to say precisely how I enjoy watching your lips and throat work. And then I'm going to go into the bathroom and splash myself with cold water before I'm thrown out for being indecent..."

Crowley swallowed whatever was in his mouth. "Tell me. Should I... Call for a cab while you're... Washing your face?"

"...yes. Unless you - unless you want to call for two because I'm... being wildly inappropriate?"

"You're wonderful. You want me. I want you so much... Whatever you want, angel, you're deciding here, I'm too... Weird to decide. But I want to kiss you again and I want to hold you for eternity... And... And... I'll pay, you go to the bathroom, if you need. I'll be waiting." Crowley wildly and most casually waved at the waiter.

"...if I can walk that far..." But Ezra wasn't content, and he picked up one more roll, pushing it up to Crowley's lips and then smashing it inside with his thumb.

Crowley complied and swallowed the roll whole. He took Ezra's hand carefully. "Mar... I'll call a cab, ok? Will you kiss me on our way back?" He dropped his card into the folder without looking at it or at the waiter who came to collect it.

Ezra was seriously questioning his own sanity. They'd met only a few days ago. He'd already met both parents, knew his life story (or enough to pass most couples quizzes), had rather involved discussions about sexual preferences (yes), and gone on one date. 

And made out in public and now... Was he really thinking about this? About doing all those things? 

He knew some people were happy to take someone home after a few drinks and barely an exchange of name, but he'd never been interested enough. It wasn't as if he lacked the drive, just... The motivation? No. He'd assumed he would maybe find the person eventually, and awkwardly date, and... As he never made the effort beyond a night or two of boredom on dating apps which just put him off further, who was he kidding? He hadn't made any effort, other than walking up to admire some public concert. 

Maybe there was a G.... Er. Deity. G-d, God or otherwise. And maybe they had decided to push them together after all. Why wouldn't he take the opportunity of a lifetime, and a perfect storm in all his teacups? 

He splashed the water, stared at his reflection, and told himself in no uncertain terms: "You can do this." 

"Yeah you can, buddy!"

As there was no one at any urinal or sink, he could only assume someone in the stalls was cheering him on. "Uh, thank you?"

"Go get 'em."

"...I rather think I will."

Ezra hoped the Almighty didn't send messages from men on the crapper, but who knew. He walked back, picking up the debit card left behind, and threw a generous cash tip into the jar as he found Crowley finishing off the call. 

And pushed him into the wall to kiss him some more.

Crowley gasped and grabbed at Ezra and tried telling him something -- again! -- and Ezra moaned back into his mouth. Nothing could ever compare, absolutely nothing. They rhymed.

"When we're in the car," Crowley began, "your hand on my knee... And higher still... I'm good enough for you, feel me, what you do to me..."

Ezra dragged the edge of the card up Crowley's inner thigh, then over the front of his crotch, before tucking it deeply into one pocket. "I have to keep my hands off you, or I'll be arrested. But the minute I get you back to my flat, I'm going to show you how you're *more* than man enough for me. In any way you'll let me."

Crowley made some more of his adorable and incomprehensible noises. "Yes... Oh fuck, angel... I mean Ezra. Yes... The car is here. Shall we? Please..." He begged.

"You get in first, please. I should very much like to watch your delicious rump." Oh damn, what had gotten into him? Was this what 'normal' people were like when they decided they liked someone? If so, no wonder they were always running off. He very much wanted to grab said arse, but - well - he had to be patient.

Crowley... Well he crawled into the cab and slouched there, his hidden gaze very intense. "I'm about to snog my boyfriend silly," he informed the cabby.

"Please excuse us, we will tip well," Ezra added, and buckled himself in. And then Crowley. Who had forgotten. (Or who wanted hands around him, maybe, or who just hadn't gotten to it. It didn't matter, it gave Ezra the excuse to--)

"S'all fine but you should confirm where we're going, right?"

"...oh..." Ezra fumbled, found a business card, and leaned forward to give it. "Here, please. And thank you for your - discretion."

The cabby rolled their eyes. Those two were tipsy, but only on each other, so they drove fast and did their best to not look at what was happening in the back.

Ezra made sure he kept his hands in mostly appropriate places, and then - when they arrived - threw yet more money at the driver and grabbed Crowley by the hand to pull him - giggling a little as he did - out to the street. The cab rolled away, as Ezra backed Crowley into the door, holding the key near his hip. 

"You can change your mind at any time. I won't be upset. I - I only want this if you do. And I *do*."

"I so fucking do," replied Crowley eloquently. "Very much... Ezra..." He buried his face in Ezra's neck napping there gently. He couldn't rely on his language capabilities on the best of days, but now he thought he had to abandon talking altogether, especially when Ezra, sweet, soft, beautiful Ezra had his hands on Crowley's arse.

The key went in the lock, but it was a little fumbly, and not at all indecent. (Really. It was a key. Calm yourself, Ezra.) He turned the lock, and pushed Crowley in, kicking and dropping the latch behind him, before he had his hands on Crowley's waist again, and his mouth on his gorgeous throat. "Mmmnnnmmmf."

"I have no idea what you're saying..." Crowley moaned and groaned and having vaguely remembered how clothes worked, pushed Ezra's coat off of his shoulders and tried to simultaneously take his own jacket off.

"Isn't words," Ezra said, lifting up just enough to say that, as he helped push clothes up and off their upper halves, then immediately started to suckle on the curve of his throat, grabbing his ass and pulling him in so he could feel what, exactly, the issue was. "Bedroom?" he rasped, as his fingers slid lower and pulled at cheeks, spreading them under his jeans.

"Aahhh... Aaaargh... Nkg... Yes... Yes, fuck, yes!" Crowley grabbed Ezra's arse just because he could, and oh, the give of it, the softness, the moans he got in return... He hadn't even drunk any alcohol, but he was absolutely, decidedly drunk, and then Ezra's skin was under his fingers, yielding and sensitive. Could he alone have done it? Well, he doubted it, but Ezra was in his arms and grabbing his arse and whispering his name and sucking at his neck. No, anyway, whatever. Whoever Ezra wanted, he'd get, and... All evidence suggested he wanted Crowley.

He might be shorter, but he was sturdy, and Crowley wasn't exactly heavy-set. He lifted up with both hands, pulling him off the ground and demanding (with hands and not words) that Crowley wrap around him as he staggered to, and up the stairs. He was kissing and biting with little consideration for whatever marks would be visible, as he maneuvered them both to the bedroom.

**************************************

It wasn't a massive bed - hadn't needed to be any bigger than a double - which meant it was enough for one, but a little cosy for two. He lowered Crowley onto the edge, and paused, a hand around his back, the other supporting his head. "Would... what would you like? Hands? Mouth? Dick? I have some toys. And condoms, though they likely expired... plenty of lube..." He ran one hand over Crowley's nape, down to one nipple, happily plucking at it to see how aroused he was. "I want *everything*. But only with you."

Crowley gasped or sobbed... He made a sound. "I want you, Ezra." He carded his fingers through Ezra's hair and leaned up to kiss Ezra's head. "Anything... Whatever you want... Want my mouth on you, want your mouth on me, want you inside... Oh angel, want you inside..." He tried to shimmy out of his tight trousers without letting Ezra go which was catastrophic but absolutely necessary.

"I want to suck your dick... it's there. It's just so perfect and for me." Ezra urged Crowley up the bed, into the (too fluffy) pillows, and grabbed his hips, pulling the remaining fabric off. And awkwardly hopping out of his own, before climbing onto the bed and grabbing Crowley's ass to tilt his pelvis and urge his knees to part. "I'm clean, and - well - if you trust me, we can handle anything... I want your mouth. I want your ass. And I want you to fuck me so hard I scream." 

But first, he settled on his knees, and the dark (and damp) underwear that was all that was left covering Crowley was suddenly enveloped in a wide-open mouth that hummed and gnawed toothlessly, making sure he was ready for the final layer to come down.

Crowley yelped. "Angel... Fuck, angel, anything... But... If... Please fuck me, please! There was no one before you and I won't let anyone come after you, I don't want an after-you... Could you... Could you sit on my face? Please. I saw it done, I have a premium account on pornhub."

Okay, Ezra's head was dizzy, and this was too many things at once, and Crowley smelled incredible, and Ezra wanted more... "I can't fuck you and your face at the same time," he laughed. "I'll do anything you want. But can I do this, first?" he slid down the boxers, and then ran a finger between his lips, settling it under the small sensitive cock. "Please? And - also please don't imagine I'm anything like as long-lasting as people who get paid to do this for a living..."

Crowley hummed. Somehow - and oh the knowledge of this! - Ezra knew he was processing everything Ezra said while being painfully aroused. "Ssssuck my dick. Let me suck you too... If I can stay afterwards, then... Then you'll fuck this hole I somehow still have. Jussssst for you... I... I could fuck you too, I promise, I can..." He choked on a sob. "Angel... My angel, my Ezra, my darling..."

Ezra lifted his head, blue eyes almost glaring. "Of course you can stay. You can stay as long as you want. You're my boyfriend, remember..." He lapped, cat-like, from beneath. Again. Harder. "I want to fuck you. I want you to fuck me. I don't - I don't fuck around, Crowley. It's you I want, any which way you want."

He used his nose, then wrapped his lips around the perfectly lovely cock. He sucked as hard as he could, then thrust two fingers up and behind, pushing more of him into his mouth and moaning. He had to shift on his knees, ignoring the dangle of arousal that wanted attention of its own. He rubbed up and sucked until he was sure the little dick he found was as aroused as his own, and then swirled his fingers around, before he moved suddenly up to straddle his lover's head, and grabbed the headboard. 

"You taste amazing," he said, pushing his hips forwards. "I can't wait for you to fuck me. Want you to finger me open while I fuck you."

More incoherent consonants followed, then Crowley's mouth was all around Ezra's dick, lapping and sucking and kissing and probably having no idea what he was doing but he was doing it so well. His fingers traced Ezra's perineum and... 

He pushed his fingers down where Ezra had just sucked greedily and lifted wet fingers to Ezra's rim, careless, careful, innocent -- and intuitively knowing what he was doing. He was so lost to it, to Ezra's pleasure, for once no plants were mentioned, Crowley's mouth being otherwise occupied. 

His free hand grabbed Ezra's buttock pushing him greedily farther into his mouth, lapping, nipping, conducting a perfectly respectable conversation with Ezra's dick while circling his rim with his fingers and kneading his arse. He hummed, he moaned, he tried saying something into Ezra's cock and abandoned the enterprise altogether, while his hips jutted, juddered, trembled with the remains of Ezra's caresses but apparently oblivious to the fact that he could ask for more. 

He freed his mouth for a moment to whisper, "I adore you, you're wonderful, I need you... Will always need you... Love you!" 

And maybe he was unaware of his own words, maybe he didn't mean them... To him they seemed the utmost truth and nothing else mattered.

It was entirely unfair. Or maybe it was fair. Maybe his reward, or payout, for years of not really being interested in anything outside of his own imagination, head, and broadband connection was this terrible, wicked, demon of a thing that sucked his cock like he was made for it, and who fingered his hole and made his thighs shake as he banged the headboard into the wall in an attempt to control himself. He wanted those fingers in him, and he shoved back, begging to be penetrated, feeling the weird ache of emptiness, of longing, even as his dick was devoured like it was the only thing ever on the menu.

"Please... s-slower... or... or I'll finish before you... oh, fuck, but you're amazing. Crowley... I - I'm pretty sure I love you, too." Why else would he be so utterly besotted? And it was more than just wanting to shove his cock at him. He'd experienced plenty of lust-fuelled wank sessions, after all. Those were good, but they didn't feel... didn't feel like this. 

He tried to sit back, putting his ass over his partner's groin and grinding, hands moving to his shoulders. A slower stimulation, and necessary, if he were to use any part of his brain. "I'll use a condom. And. I... fuck. C-can I? Can I open you first? Or - or - tell me what you need?"

Crowley just sucked on Ezra's cock some more bending forward, as if he had been waiting for this alone, sushi and any other food be damned. 

When he could no longer remain human *and* suck on Ezra's cock, he dropped back, caressing Ezra's buttocks. "I... Want you to fuck me until it hurts. Want you to... To wait a bit for me... You said there were toys?.. I want to use your favourite... Do you have a favourite? Toy on you... Want you whole, want you now, want all of you, you angel... I'll sing all of Mozart to you, if that's what it takes. What does it take?" He sat up holding Ezra close and sneaking his fingers into Ezra's hole. "What do you want from me? What is there that I haven't given you yet, my... Mine."

"Ah! Oh fuck! Oh - if you keep doing that I'll - I'll - OH GOD YES KEEP DOING THAT PLEASE!" Ezra grabbed at Crowley's shoulders, bouncing and rutting back on Crowley's hand. "Oh, oh fuck... please... mnnnhhh... fuck... condoms... q-quick... l-let me reach..."

He bumped his cock against the other's belly, and then remembered he needed to get up. "L-let me get to the - to the bathroom... I'll... be quick..."

As soon as Ezra left the bed Crowley stood up on his knees and looked around in confusion. "Ezra?.. Darling, did I do anything wrong? Are you alright?" 

He barely noticed he was hard and soaking wet as well and searched for his lover with his eyes. "Ezra?.. Wh... What did I do? I didn't even ask you to marry me... Although I'd love to... Ezra?"

Ezra hurried back, or - as best he could with his cock making the entrance before he did. "I got the condoms, and the lube, and - and my favourite toy - so we don't need to leave the bed again." He showed the handful of things he'd gathered. "My dear boy, I - I just wanted to make sure we could be undisturbed." 

He put the toy down on the side of the cabinet, along with the lube, and opened the box of rubbers whilst checking the date. "Mmm... should work as a barrier... I'm... we should still be careful..." He ripped open the packet, then... "Do you want to put it on me?"

Crowley hummed, all the knowledge from books and his premium account on pornhub rushing before his eyes. He snatched the condoms from Ezra and put the condom on him with his mouth. He felt more accomplished than any Nobel prize winner. 

"There." He sat up admiring his work. "All set to go... I love you." He kissed Ezra and laid down spreading his legs.

It was getting easier to cope with the outward shows of affection, even if he wasn't quite as comfortable saying the same things. Watching him apply the condom was like a revelation in and of itself. Ezra stroked Crowley's hair before moving back to kneel between his thighs. "You're so beautiful, you know. So, so beautiful."

His hands stroked over belly, over his hips, and slipped one palm under a thigh, pushing to the knee, bending it up and moved to press his cock against the fluffy mound. He rolled them together. "Stroke your cock for me, my dear. Show me how much you want this." He slipped between the folds, and put his palm down over his groin, then thrust inside. "Look at me. Look at me and stroke your cock."

Lovely, oh so lovely to hear Ezra telling him what to do... No tenses, no time, no anything, just that beautiful bright man, curves and softness where Crowley was angles and hardness. Kind and clever where Crowley was lost and witless.

He obediently stroked his cock, and obediently looked at Ezra as he slid inside. His breath hitched, his free hand flew to Ezra's back, then down his spine between his cheeks. "You wanted me to finger you while you fuck me, right?" He was amazed at his own memory and coherence. "Am... Am I doing everything right? Will you leave me again?"

"I will never leave you, except for the bathroom," Ezra promised, barely getting the words out. Crowley was so - ah - why was it such a mess in his head? He didn't know what to think, or what words to use, as he slid deep into that welcoming, gripping, soft and delicate hole. It wasn't tight like an ass would be, but it felt so gloriously intimate.

The finger Crowley offered made his belly loop, and he thrust deeper inside, using the hand on Crowley's hip to keep him at the angle he wanted. "Oh, fuck yes! Please... y-yes... fuck me, while I fuck you, you beautiful not-duck, not-tree!" Ezra grabbed the bed, and started to rut into him. "Crowley!"

"I'm here," Crowley replied, tender and perplexed. He sucked at his hand, the one that wasn't occupied with pushing into Ezra's hip or back, and one finger soon became two, and two turned into three, and just because he was stupid, silly and absolutely glorious, three turned into four.

"Oh my sweet angel... My beautiful Ezra... So tight and so hard, so lovely, so sweet... Are you happy? Is it pleasant?" He tilted his head that was pushed most vigorously into the pillows, to catch a better glimpse at Ezra's face. "I love you... You're so... I love you inside me and me inside you, my sweet angel, darling, dearest, my love... Weren't we just tailored for each other?" He leaned up to kiss Ezra's lips, and since it wasn't and couldn't be enough, he kissed Ezra's cheeks and brow and chin and eyes.

"AH! CAREFUL!" Four was a bit much, even when they were slender, and Ezra scratched at the sheets, as he tried to relax enough to accommodate. "L-lube is... preferred... in those holessss..." It burned, but he kept moving, and the arousal made it easier to bear down and take the penetration. 

"It's... perfect. You're perfect. C-can't wait to feel you fuck me, too... want you on all fours... want to fuck you deeper, stroke your cock and make you come for me... w-want to fuck your ass..."

Crowley removed his fingers from Ezra the moment he heard distress in his tone. His other hand he slowly slid up Ezra's back, around his neck, traced an ear, a temple, down his cheek until his fingers touched Ezra's mouth delicately. His head felt too big for some reason, and it was quiet and cloudy inside, but he hardly ever knew such transparent clarity. 

"Shh, angel... I'm sorry I hurt you." Crowley whispered. "We'll go through your entire syllabus..." He locked his eyes with Ezra's and showed no intention of breaking that contact, and even blinking got in the way, so he was blinking slowly. 

Crowley removed his hand from Ezra's lips and sent it on the blind quest for lube. 

"I want you to go softer now, angel..." 

Crowley's long fingers for once came handy, as he managed to grab the bottle, open it and coat his fingers with gel. He pushed back inside Ezra and caressed his shoulders with his other hand. "Softer. Like you..."

Softer, when Ezra's blood burned to rut, to slam, to finish. But. He'd obey, obey anything. With laboured breathing, he took his time. It gave him better freedom to tilt, to push up, or down, and he felt the way the body around him responded. 

"Tell me how you want to take me," he murmured, as he found a pace that had his toes curling, pressing into the hand, then back into him. "I've only had toys, there. I've never had a lover fuck me."

"I want you to come, angel..." A kiss, long and wet and definitely very sloppy. "Now or later... Even if you don't... I bet it's a bit strange, but how about... Oh fuck, love..." Another embarrassingly sloppy kiss. "You... You wait? Can you wait a bit more? I know it's selfish but if you could make me come, then I'll be all yours, to fuck you, as you like it... How do you like it?" A very long, a Mahler long kiss. Crowley laid back looking up at Ezra - had he ever stopped? - and licking his lips. "Love you, angel... Was I dead before?" He frowned. "Doesn't matter... Oh fuck, love, like that, fuck!"

"I'll... I'll w-wait. Want to come from you fucking me." Ezra steadied himself on one elbow, then reached above where they joined, using his thumb to rub at the small perfect dick. It must be more concentrated, he thought, to have it all in one place. Easier to rub fiercely, even as his thrusts were deliberate, considered, angling to open him wider with each push that had their bodies meet. 

"I... Don't know. I... Just to get off, it... I want... To let you decide, let... You use me and... Fuck me like you own me... Oh, oh, fuck!" He was tightening so sweetly, gripping him, and Ezra parted finger and thumb. He pushed down against that perfect, hard nub and squeezed the walls that enveloped him, trying so hard not to come. "Crowley!"

"Yes... There... Angel..." Crowley tossed his head into the pillows and wailed.

He was still going through the aftershocks when he pushed Ezra away, grabbing the toy and covering it with lube. He cooed at Ezra's painfully hard cock and gave it what he considered a comforting kiss. "How? I mean... On all fours? Want to look at you... And want to kiss your back... Your shoulder blades... How?" He looked up at Ezra, demanding and giving all of him.

Ezra needed this so badly, but the restraint was making his head swim. He grabbed a pillow, then folded his arms under his head, turned to look back at Crowley. His eyes were dazed, dark and hungry as he pushed his knees below him and arched to offer his rear. 

"Take me. I don't care how. Take me. Make me yours and only yours. I love you, too." He did. He was certain of it, and he spread his knees a little wider, offering his hole and heart in one gesture.

Crowley nodded. He could do it. Definitely. Absolutely. He couldn't help giving Ezra's hole a long tender kiss... He got lost there for a moment but remembered himself and slid inside, as slowly as he could, wetting his way with his tongue, just to make sure...

And it hit him then, that he couldn't feel his length inside his love... All those long and thorough sessions, his moms and his Orthodox Jew doctor by his side, flew before his eyes. He still wanted to be able to bear children, out of curiosity. He didn't want implants, because... Because he loved his body. It had some wrong parts, so what? He rejoiced, especially now, especially with Ezra, in the endless possibilities it offered. So, alright, he still had a vagina and a uterus and what not. As Sara put it, "you're a perfect man, and that's about it".

Yet now, Ezra was moaning and fucking himself on a toy and Crowley... He couldn't handle it. He looked down at his cock, very interested and enthusiastic, pulled the toy out and slipped inside Ezra with his own dick. "I'll add fingers, if you want... Or return to the toy. Love you... Want to feel you..." He kissed Ezra's back, the nape of his neck, slithered his arm around Ezra's waist to grab his cock and caress it. "Tell me how it is... Tell me... "

"That's... That's you?" It wasn't as long as the toy, nor as unforgivingly hard, but the intimacy of flesh on flesh had Ezra shudder and splay wider, offering as good an angle he could for the shallow penetration. It was slick, and real, and him. 

"Don't... Don't stop... I can feel you... Put... Put a fffffinger in and push down, please... Fuck yourself deeper in I'm..." He shoved his face into the pillow. It was so deliciously teasing, and though he mourned the length, the knowledge he'd got Crowley hard enough to enter him at all made him frantic and delirious. "Fuck me! Crowley fuck me!"

Crowley was lost, a bit... He grabbed the toy again and stuck it slowly back alongside his own cock. If Ezra wanted to feel full and impaled, he'd give it to him, but he had to feel something too, just to get closer, just to push and rub his genitalia against that soft, plush arse... Maybe he was indeed too selfish, but...

"I want you," Ezra whimpered. "Want your fingers on my prostate, but I want you. Want... Want to come just from you." 

Crowley hummed. The toy was tossed aside, and he slid his fingers into Ezra. It was a bit difficult to keep his small cock inside but he managed, he did, so impossibly close to Ezra, and feeling for his prostate with his fingers... He hummed again and dropped to lie on his stomach, fucking Ezra with his fingers and tongue and feeling it rising and pulling and sucking, that feeling, that sensation of loving that lovely, soft man. He stuck his tongue harder inside and briefly caught himself trying to drum Figaro on Ezra's prostate... He laid on his back, fucking Ezra with his fingers and sucking on his cock. He desperately needed another mouth to ask Ezra how it felt, to tell Ezra how wonderful it was, just as it was. He'd never give what he was having now for a cismale body. He was having Ezra in every way, his cock had been inside, and his fingers were inside and judging by Ezra's moans, he was doing fine by him.

"I'm... Crowley... I'm..." Ezra was buffeted by sensations, hardly able to keep up, reaching and holding and damn near levitating from the bed. 

He reached for Crowley, and his eyes begged. "Ride me? Please? Want to come inside you. Then I want... Want you to sit on my face until you come again..."

It ran across Crowley's face, some confusion, a bit of sadness, all of it defeated by love and desire and a want, an all-powerful want to love and be loved. 

"Sure, angel." 

He scooted up to straddle Ezra, sinking slowly down, dropping his head on Ezra's shoulder, moving his hips slowly, ever so slowly.

Ezra curled one hand around Crowley's neck, his hips bucking under him, as the other went to wrap around the cock above where they joined. "You... You lied... When we met. You told me... You didn't have this."

He pushed his thumb under the head of the gland, massaging the slick tissue. "Think it's just perfect. Just like you."

Crowley looked at him. "When me met..." He said sweetly. "When we met... Didn't lie to you. It's not what people expect, that's it. I'm glad you like it... Like it too. It's yours." He rocked harder, moaning into Ezra's mouth.

"I think if it were any bigger, then we'd die from how m-much fun... I'm... Crowley, I'm gonna..." Ezra grabbed harder at his neck, his belly and thighs spasming as he filled the rubber wrapped around his cock. His balls almost ached through it, and he pinched at his boyfriend's dick, jaw snapping over fresh air.

Crowley cried out, a wave of pain and pleasure and something indescribable rolling over him. He sat up, still rocking, reeling through their shared orgasm, and hid his face in his hands.

"So open..." He sobbed. "So open and... Me... For you..." He sobbed again, scooting back and off from Ezra, curling, grabbing onto the headboard, suddenly ashamed of something. He was sobbing, and he didn't know if it was alright, and he felt so impossibly, so utterly open, all of him served on a silver platter and unsure of whether it was something Ezra wanted.

"Oh, my darling..." Ezra hurriedly slipped off the very well used condom, knotting it and tossing it into the bin to deal with after. 

"My darling boy, did... Are you okay?" He ran the backs of his fingers over one shoulder. "Love, did I hurt you? Do... Do you need me to leave? Hold you? Crowley.... Please let me help?"

Crowley grabbed at Ezra, pulling him in, closer, closer, to the last atom. He even bit carefully at Ezra's shoulder to make sure he was still there. "I... I love you. I'm a fool to love you. I love you. Must be too fast for you. For anyone... But I love you, you're so beautiful, so perfect... Why can't I say I love you, if I do?"

"Think I said it a few times myself, dear boy," Ezra laughed, wrapping their legs together and kissing wherever he could reach. "You can say it, you should. I might... Say it less often but I feel it no less fiercely."

He swallowed past several lumps the size of small hills. "I'm... terrified by how much I truly do. I've never fallen in love before, and I'm utterly convinced I'll ruin everything."

Crowley held him, protective and strong and still eternally careful. "Can I stay? When will I see you again? Should I go?" He asked Ezra peppering kisses all over his face.

"You can stay as long as you're free to... And come back whenever you like... I'll need to close the shop to come see you, though... I only know where your mothers live..." Ezra brushed hair back from his eyes, then curled a finger under his chin. 

"Seeing as we should date before we plan the honeymoon... And you can't really be my boyfriend if you don't see me, can you?"

"I don't know. Anything, angel, every damn thing, whatever you want." Crowley held Ezra tightly and rocked them together. 

He was falling asleep and didn't really know it, so he stirred awake a few times, but held on religiously.

Ezra squirmed just enough to pull the blanket near their feet up and over them both, kissing Crowley's forehead. "Sleep, my little tree, I've got you. I've got you."


	4. Mating rituals (cont.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our sweet ineffable trees  
> Are working each other to please  
> They wake up and bone  
> Talk groan and moan  
> And find their sweet release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is exclusively philosophical porn. Philosophical bc they talk a lot, and porn bc they mostly get to know each other biblically. So, beware, a lot of talkative sex below.

Crowley woke up in Ezra's arms. Ezra was snoring quietly, and Crowley felt something strange happening to his heart and lungs. He swooned, looking at Ezra, and allowed himself to kiss Ezra's nose and swoon some more.

Ezra was not used to his nose being touched when he slept, and it scrunched up, before he blinked in confusion, focused on the face near his, and then smiled up at the man in his bed. 

"I... think you fucked my brains out and then I passed out... Sorry..." He reached for a hand, wanting to kiss knuckles. "Are you alright?"

Crowley nodded enthusiastically. "I'm... Better than ever. You?" He licked from Ezra's jaw to his ear. "Sorry... I don't know why I did it..." He blushed and moved to turn around, face away from Ezra.

"So long as you're not going to eat me!" Ezra chuckled and grabbed hold of the slighter man, pulling him on top of him and licking him in return. "Please stop worrying. If I don't like anything, I'll tell you."

"But if you don't like something, then you'll be angry with me... I don't think I can handle it. I'll... You'll hate me then, won't you?" He framed Ezra's face with his hands, gazing at him quizzically.

"I wouldn't hate you. I might be upset if you did it after I asked you to stop, but I wouldn't hate you. Would you hate me? If I made a mistake?"

"No, of course not. It's you," Crowley smiled, completely besotted. "And that's me. I want to be perfect."

"You are perfect... Now am I feeding you? Or..." Ezra's hands slid down to a very tight ass.

Crowley pressed his forehead to Ezra's shoulder. "Eat? Again? We just ate... Yesterday. I love you."

"You have to eat several times a day, or there will be nothing left to love," Ezra pointed out, patiently. "You're not leaving until I've fed you again, but I assume that means you're in no rush to get up?"

"I'm in no rush," Crowley replied dreamily. 

Suddenly he frowned. "I... I have to go eventually... I mean. Oxford. Research. Being a nasty demon and writing assignments for lazy people... I hope you won't tell anyone. But I'll have to go..." He was brokenhearted but remembered himself. "I'll come back, right? You'll let me come back?"

"I promise I won't tell anyone, and my dear... I'll tell you a hundred times, a thousand... You're welcome here all the time."

Crowley nuzzled Ezra's neck and hummed happily. "It feels so... Natural, I think, to be with you and to touch you... To feel you with all of me. I photosynthesize when I'm with you," he finished sincerely.

"You do, so very beautifully. How about I keep you in bed a few hours more, then we go for brunch?" Ezra pushed a finger between his cheeks, nudging very gently. "Unless you're bored of this..."

Crowley moaned, wrapping his arms around Ezra's neck. "I'd live here..." He mumbled.

"I'd give you the key," Ezra promised, even though that was insane, he was sure it would be entirely safe. "Tell me to stop, or I'll demand you come three more times before we eat..."

"Eat, eat, eat, eat..." Crowley grumped into Ezra's neck. "Don't wanna eat. I photosynthesize, a tree, me... A gay Jewish tree."

"Well, it's definitely kosher." Ezra pulled and tugged at legs, getting Crowley on top properly. "Ah, yes... There... Well, this gay, Jewish tree seems to be sprouting... Does it maybe want to grow some more?"

"I don't get you..." Crowley looked very perplexed indeed. "Seems you're... It's hard for you to tell me stuff, isn't it? Would you like me to talk and you'll just nod when I guess?"

"Ah, I'm... Half Catholic, remember? I absolutely shouldn't be having any sex before marriage, definitely not with other men, and absolutely never with contraception..." Ezra wriggled in embarrassment. "I'm trying to be coy, but tree sex isn't easy to... You know."

He licked a finger, then stroked it over the plump shaft lining close to his. "This. Your... Sprout. I wanted to... Keep touching it...?"

"Oh fuck... Yes..." A few moments of blissful moaning followed, then Crowley stirred. "I think since I never shut up, you didn't tell me about your... Halves..." It was his last coherent thought for a few more moments of moaning and tossing his head against Ezra's shoulder. "You flirt like a tree... I love you so much..."

"Maybe not. Most people don't want to know... But I'd rather not think about my parents just now..."

He moved to encourage Crowley to rub their lengths together, then curled a hand around a buttock to help with the slow grind and frot. And tease between his cheeks, running fingers at the taut flesh between both holes. 

"I'm trying to learn how you talk. You'll have to forgive any slips as I'm learning. No one published any dictionary. But we seem to be doing alright..." He started kissing from one side of his smile to the other.

"If... Ah... If you ever want... Tell me... Angel, I'll listen. And if you don't, then... Alright. Ezra!" It was growing increasingly difficult to remain unmoving while all of him oscillated madly inside his body. "Angel..." Crowley's back arched up, a long, airborne bridge from his forehead on Ezra's shoulder and to his rocking hips where their pleasures touched.

"Thank you... I always assume no one really wants to know about me, so I... Rarely bore them. I don't know how to be known."

One finger, one thumb, just pushed very lightly into his two holes, moving with him, puppeteering him to the lazy, sweet rhythm they found together. "But I want you to know me. If you love me, you should know who I am. Even if I feel like you already do."

"Hurts, angel..." Crowley complained quietly.

"Sorry... Can you reach the lube? Or want me to stop?" His fingers withdrew but stroked where he'd injured.

"Oh don't leave... Just... Right, lube. Knew something was missing. Lube..." He fumbled around and having found the bottle squeezed some lube on Ezra's timely offered hand. "Get down there and make some trouble," Crowley smiled bashfully. "You told me yesterday, before we were marr... Fuck. Yesterday, a few dozens of years ago, that I seem... Ah, fffuck. Like someone who wants to know everything about anything... And I do. So... Whatever you want to tell me... Is it alright that I'm just lying here and holding you and mumble on while you... Angel!"

"What do I say? I lived here, whenever I could. Fell in love with the stories... I liked the fact books, but loved the stories..." 

This time he went slower, but nudged those fingers inside, not penetrating deeply, but giving him time to warm up. 

"Mysterious cities and places I'd never seen. I remember longing to taste macarons, because the idea of them in brown paper bags seemed so exotic and enticing... I wanted to know those windswept moors and snow-drifted hills and stormy seas... I fell in love with people who never existed, but not like I did with you..."

His nose drew a soft line against his mate's. "Move with me. Touch where you want... But I want to drown you in pleasure..."

"Ngk..." Crowley breathed out and slithered a hand between his and Ezra's bodies. He had to lift his pelvis a bit, which pushed Ezra's finger further inside his anus. "Aargh..." He rose a little and gave Ezra a long soft kiss. "Sssoo... Trust you so much..." His cheek landed on Ezra's shoulder again. "Half Catholic and half... Half what? Who hurt you? I'll punch them plenty."

"I told you... Half Jewish. Not practicing. Kind of got mad at the heavens of all kinds when I lost my mother. I wasn't very old..."

He rubbed, cat-like, against his cheek. "I didn't give anyone the chance to hurt me. Not properly. Hid between pages... You want more?"

He bent the digits, then moved so the flex of his arm pushed a finger into each, fucking him very slowly, teasing the tensing muscles and thrusting ever deeper. "Feels good, doesn't it? Being fucked. Men were made to enjoy it, too."

Crowley couldn't answer. His free hand roamed to clasp Ezra's hair and his other hand between their bodies did something that struck Ezra as both wicked and magical. 

Crowley wrapped his fingers around Ezra's cock slid his thumb to touch, just a little, Ezra's finger inside his vagina. From then on no complete words were uttered.

His boyfriend seemed to like it well enough, so Ezra ran his remaining fingers around each pucker until he could work two into each hole. 

It felt slick, thanks to the lube, and he could feel the difference in each, but both were soft, then tight, then soft. His fingers clenched to meet, stopped only by muscle, then splayed to widen him again. 

"Bet you'd like both full, wouldn't you? We can do that, sometime. Get you your own favourite toys. Or get me something to add to mine, so I can fuck you full... God, Crowley, you're so fucking incredible... You're never allowed to leave me..."

He caught his neck, then rolled them over so the younger man was on his back. "Want to watch your face. Want to see you come apart."

Crowley looked confused, then scared, then a bit of both. "I don't have toys, Ezra. I... You're my first, and last, if I have anything to say... Fuck! After... I'll tell you after."

"We'll buy things together... if you want to. Don't worry," he reached up, stroking his cheek. "I'm honoured that I am. And - and I want to make you feel how precious a gift you give me, trusting me to love you back." He nuzzled at his nose again, his voice soft. "You can tell me, whenever you want to. There shouldn't be things we can't say."

"I... You said... Was incredible... Because I have two?" His eyes were dazed, but the tone of his voice was painfully clear.

"Oh! Dear boy, no... you could have none, and I'd love you all the same." He pulled his fingers out, only to cuddle him, bear-like, pulling him up from the bed and squirming as close as he could. "My beautiful boy, you're incredible because of who you are, not - not anything external. As attractive as those things are, they're only appealing when they're yours, anyway."

Crowley positively purred. And hissed. "Then fffinisshhh it... Me. I haven't done anything for you!" He jumped up, anxious.

"I couldn't have none! That would be awful!"

"The point is, it's Crowley I love. And you could have anything. I just happen to get the chance to do more with you, but I only want to because it's you..." He bent a knee between his thighs. "Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need."

"Ehm... You. But only if it's mutually beneficial. Maybe we're just one tree..."

"I enjoy watching you come," Ezra insisted. "What if I use my hands, and then you use yours?"

"Ok... Good. Sure." He laid back, hands behind his head, then, as Ezra scooted closer, on Ezra's shoulders. "You're just as mad as me, and it's the most normal thing I've known."

"It's good we're together, then, isn't it?" He knelt, crouched, between his thighs. Then got more lube, coating both hands liberally. Two fingers around his anus first, eyes locked. "This is how I felt when you fucked me. Wide open and yours. It was a little scary, but not because you might hurt me, but because I realised how much I needed you..."

He thrust them in, slowly, and started to work his wrist to fuck him slowly. Then he started to stroke the stretched skin above, and dip one finger inside, a lazier pace, eyes on him still. "You're a tree. Bits from both, but all Crowley. And it's you. You, that I fell in love with. Even before you punched me. You called to me, like a siren, like a whisper on the wind... you made me fall for you like we were our own fairytale, like we were due our happily ever after at last..." Two fingers. Three up front, then behind, and a look of intense concentration. "Guide me. Tell me where you need it."

Crowley moaned. He had been moaning for a while now, but this one was particularly loud and longing. "You are... Angel, I don't know what can be better, just keep going... Could you... Use your mouth? Maybe... Not obligatory... Just I'd love that too... Had I know I was calling to you, would have sung something else... Something..." A choked laughter. "Less morbid than a Requiem. I love you... I love you."

"You can sing happier songs for me, now," he said, and lowered his head, kissing his belly, from hip to hip. "You can ask for anything... I need to learn what you like..."

His fingers found a pattern, and his tongue moved to lap, cat-like long, long licks over his cock, urging it prouder from his lips, using the edge of his fist to push it where he wanted so he could lave his tongue below and start to gently suckle. "Mmmmnnnmmmmffff." It sounded very, very happy.

Crowley would never admit to it to anyone but Ezra, yet he did sneeze as he came, and it was just a coincidence that sent Ezra laughing.

He laughed around his mouthful, and kept suckling until he was wiggled and pushed off, where his hands stilled and he dropped his head on Crowley's thigh. "Good morning indeed. And bless you."

"On your anything, my turn!" Demanded Crowley and found it was too difficult to wait, so he pushed Ezra onto his back, had his mouth on Ezra's and his musically trained hand around Ezra's dick.

The startled noise swiftly muted into one of pleasure, and sticky hands wrapped around Crowley's shoulders as he submitted to the kiss, his hips rutting into that hand and toes trying to merge into his soles, then make a bid for freedom.

"Come to me. For me. Now, please... I can do it to you, I can bring you to me... Please." Crowley kissed his shoulders, down his chest, back to the neck and lips... Why was it that people had to wait and play games and have rituals, if it was all so simple -- find that one, your very own mad hatter, your very own Wiles, Heisenberg, Einstein, and stick to them. The proofs would come, they would flow, but once you found that one who shattered and doubted all of your world, why wait?

The words, the voice, the smell of his juices pruning his fingers... the shallow throb from last night... Ezra's spine contorted as he chased the last bits of stimulus he needed, and let the blossoming heat in his belly and back release. He called out Crowley's name brokenly, and whimpered as he fell back, hair plastered to a punch-drunk and utterly happy face. 

"Mmmmnnnnffff."

"Talk to me, angel..." Crowley pushed Ezra's hair off of his face. "Love you, silly, love you, beautiful..." He held Ezra so tightly, Ezra choked.

"Hhh-hard when I can't breathe and you screwed my brains out... Oh, that was goooood." He licked his throat with a giggle. "And you say I'm your first? The hell you learn all that, you sex fiend? You're no tree, you're a demon."

"Demon tree?" Offered Crowley into Ezra's neck. "I'm a fast learner... And don't forget the premium account on pornhub, plus sufficient mathematical training and two moms at my side explaining what the fuck was happening on the screen... Geometry turned out so handy..." Crowley laughed.

"Please tell me you won't... Uhm. Go into detail about what we do with your mothers?" He pulled Crowley's sticky hand to his mouth to start cleaning up the remaining mess.

"Why would I? They did it twelve years ago, when they realised I had too many questions that required some visual materials... I mean they might ask some vigorous questions about my consent... Probably yell at me that they are so happy... But they don't like details. They barely could handle the pornhub sessions... And I asked so many inappropriate questions... Like, is it physically possible to come at that angle seeing that g-spot... And... Anyway. It was embarrassing for all of us. For different reasons. And I can't possibly put into words what we had... Not good with words, me."

"Oh good." He definitely looked relieved. "Maybe you can ask me questions, now. Or - or we find out together... after all, you're my first real boyfriend. Though I will admit I've... uhm. Fooled about, but not very much, and not very successfully. I hope you won't be upset..."

He kissed his nose, bashfully. "I told you. No one fucked me before. Haven't fucked anyone, either. Just awkward hand-jobs. Can we shower, and find some kosher place to get you some calories? And me some fluids?"

Crowley was puzzled. "First?.. no, I mean... I... Can I tell you... No obligations, but... You're my last. Whatever happens. Shit happens. Anything happens. I don't want anyone but you, now or in ten years. That's me. I... Love you and you alone, and... Whatever you want. Food, coffee, whatever. Yours..." He stood up, carefully untangling himself from Ezra's embrace. "I have to be a strong, independent demon... Tree. Anything. So... Yes. Let's eat. Totally." He wandered off in search of his clothes. 

"Angel, do you think I can borrow a pair of your underpants? I so hate wearing the same one and I never thought I'd be so lucky... So happy..." He crawled over Ezra. "So happy... Underpants. Can I borrow some? I love you... I'm terrible, right? You'll get tired of me by the end of our breakfast... So? Still will have had you, you'll have had me. Love... No... I mean yes, but you wouldn't want me to say it all the time..."

He stood up again.

"You can say it," he put in, when there was enough of a break. "And you can. You can even take them away with you and keep them to remember me when you're away, when you're away." He stretched, and scratched, and wandered to the bathroom. "After shower. You can wear anything you like, but I think some things will be too baggy and short on you."

He turned the shower on, and let it warm up before he climbed in. "I'm not going to get bored of you. And I'll tell you every day. So long as you want me, you're stuck with me."

"Shower..." Crowley blindly walked in the direction of the bathroom, right into the door and fell on the floor.

"CROWLEY!" A wet, and wobbly-naked Ezra leapt after him. "Crowley, are you alright?"

"I'm great!" Said Crowley from the carpet. "Just a bit... Disoriented... Love you, angel."

"Get up and in here at once before I'm arrested for failing to look after you," he scolded, with more fear than anything else in his voice.

Crowley stood up and looked at Ezra, a huge red bruise on his forehead. "I'm fine, angel, shower..." He walked into the door again but stayed on his feet and managed to open the door and walk into the bathroom.

"Oh, my darling... come here! What happened? Do you walk into things often?" Ezra couldn't help it. His automatic instinct was to look after people, and around Crowley it went into over-drive. He also (though he was entirely unaware) had the most convincing puppy dog eyes this side of Battersea Dogs' Home.

"I am... I mean... Around you I'm bound to walk into shit a lot... How does this thing of yours work even?" He fidgeted with water and cursed in Medieval French.

A gentle slap of the wrist, more a tap, and he turned it back to a decent temperature. "It's fickle. You have to test it from out of the spray before you go around changing it. Showers have twenty settings, and nineteen of them are torture."

"I don't want to be tortured. I just want to smell less like yesterday me and more like today me..." Crowley climbed into the bath and stood sullenly under the stream it lukewarm water. "Can I buy you a normal shower?"

"I'm not sure such a thing exists... anything I put in here just... has the tiniest fraction of acceptable..." He gently, gently eased the dial up, trying to find the thin band of acceptable temperature. "If you know of any better, please, do."

"I do! A bit hotter than my body temperature and I'm hot!" He winked. "Very hot. The only thing hotter than me is you."

"Unless you cool it, we will never manage to leave the bedroom." He slapped that ass and then grabbed the showergel to start washing them both. "And as much as I want to lick every last bit of you, there's more to dating than just sex."

"I don't want to date... Aargh..." Crowley moaned as Ezra soaped them both. "Want to... Yes, let's date," he agreed. "But I love you, you... I've never been happier, oh fuck, don't stop, angel, don't stop... I'll take you to any library... I love them libraries... And you. Love you more than libraries... Fuck, angel, Ezra..."

"Libraries, restaurants, parks, gardens... take you on picnics between the trees... take you on - do you even like boats? I'm not sure I do or not - walk in the twilight... watch TV with you in my arms... movies... theatres... take you to museums..." He scrubbed, and rubbed, and did his best to clean without causing too much arousal to build. "Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? Concerts? Garden centres? Butterfly houses?"

"I want to see you," Crowley replied honestly. "Anywhere you like, anywhere you want... Where you go, I follow, Ezra... Oh Ezra... Just to be with you, and smell you and feel you..." Crowley dropped his head back, on Ezra's shoulder, and kissed Ezra's neck. "Anything. At all. You. Can't replace you." His palm found its way to Ezra's neck. "Want there to be you, in the end of it. No matter where or how... You, angel, you, Ezra... We'll have breakfast and I'll go, I promise. I'll go on with my research and stuff... And will get back to you. Will always get back to you."

"I love it." He grabbed the shampoo, and started to lather Crowley's hair, then his own. And then pushed him under the water, with his kiss. He closed his eyes and rushed through the cleaning, then pulled him out of the tub. "Eggs and bac--- oh, no... eggs and beans and toast and waffles and crepes and yoghurt and coffee..."

"And my angel, indulging..." Crowley laughed and spat into the soapy hair. "Whatever you give me, I'll eat, angel... Anything... Your hand between my legs, please, you can't tease me like that and bugger off to bacon..."

"...you really are insatiable, aren't you?" The water wasn't off yet, so he pushed him back into the shower, and dragged his hand down Crowley's flank, and pulled him in against his chest. "Mmm. I'm not sure how you do it..."

"Do what..." His head rolled on Ezra's shoulder. "Don't do anything... Why would I... Without you..."

He pulled a thigh up and around his waist, pushing him against the wall to kiss him, and pushed a finger between his legs to run over the thatch of hair. He licked his way into his mouth, then started to suck and tease at his tongue.

Crowley howled catching up on Ezra and enthusiastically pushing his hips towards his lover. His head turned into a radio and a thousand songs ran through it, and he was inspired and confused and unaware of anything but Ezra's touch.

Lower, lower, sliding over the hard shaft. He stroked, twisting, pushing under the head. "Mmm, do you want me inside of you, my dear? Do you want me to fuck you into the wall?" He pulled the other leg up, sliding his own cock below Crowley's, sliding between the folds of his sex and teasing with subtle thrusts. "Show me where you want me."

"Right there, inside. One with me... One with me..." He hit his head on the wall which he had forgotten was there. He ignored it. The water grew colder, Crowley couldn't get how it didn't just evaporate from his skin. "Inside, get inside. Fucking get inside where you belong."

"Need... need condoms?" He was rutting so close to where he wanted to be, so close, but he - he couldn't just... not... "Crowley... do - do I need? If so... gonna have to get, if you want..."

"Can't get pregnant, my angel... I'd love to... Fuck, sorry. Anyway. On T, I am. Can't get pregnant unless stop... Push in forward, bring me closer to my sweat death..."

"Mnnnnh," the thought, suddenly, of sparking life... he'd never thought about it seriously before. But it was a rush of ice and fire down his spine as he grabbed hold of tight ass and thrust into that welcoming place, just for him. He shook his head, trying to dismiss the sudden desire to see - no, no - not thinking about it. 

Instead, shoulders pushed into the shower, feet braced, fucking this whipcord of man, trying to give them both the stimulation they wanted. "Touch yourself. Touch yourself so you come on my cock. Want to feel it. Want to fuck you through it, and into the next. Want to fuck you until you *know* you're *mine*."

"But... I'm yours... Yours alone, angel. Don't need to touch myself, it's enough... You. More than enough. Gonna die in your arms from how good it feels..." A cheek on Ezra's shoulder, and this sweet knowledge -- this one will never harm me, this one will never hurt me, this one is everything. 

And he thought of a child, of something of Ezra's, growing inside him. Something that was worth a thousand of awkward appointments, of a hard labour in that very bath, of something to be shared with this one, this one whom he loved, who was worth EVERYTHING.

Ezra turned to crash his mouth against his lover's, a possessive, hungry, not-quite-sane growl leaving his tongue as he moved with increasing force, grabbing at the shower head and - whoops - pulling it free from the housing to spray up their legs in hot spurts. He grabbed at the empty rail, biting and sucking and - fuck - crushing him totally against the wall so he could free up a hand to grind his palm into that dick, down to where they joined, coming with a rush that had him nearly break the tiles he was crushing Crowley against.

Crowley pushed forward to meet Ezra's movements, pressed his head against the wall to gain some weight. "Fuck... Love you. Love you... Love you inside me... Love you. Love you. Love you." He rocked his hips to meet Ezra's, choked on his pleasure each time he could feel Ezra's rocking inside of him.

He was barely able to keep his knees locked, but somehow he stayed inside through the shocks of pleasure, his hand working furiously to get him over the edge, too. Ezra bit at his neck, sucking sharply, and then licked a conciliatory swipe up his throat. "Come for me. Love you. Just you. Only you. Come with me inside you. Only you."

Crowley wailed hopelessly, clutching at Ezra and saying something, something important and silly and lovely. "You... Only you... Only you... Only you. Love you so fucking much. Love you, to live with you, to know you better, to get accustomed to you..." One hand dropped to Ezra's arse to push him deeper. "Love you forever."

Oh shit. Ezra knew he couldn't climax again - absolutely he could not - and he wasn't quite sure how his poor dick had managed this. But being tugged in deeper, feeling the walls of his boyfriend's vagina flex and work his shaft, milking out every last drop... his head swam with the intensity, and he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was utterly, utterly head over heels and that he was not ever, ever ever, ever going to want anything or anyone but this. 

He managed a few, wobbly-legged ruts, then nearly collapsed them both into the wall. "...fuck. I. Yes." He was utterly failing to get them breakfast, but this was much more delicious.

"Oh my sweet beautiful angel, Ezra," Crowley cooed. He held him close and he pressed into him fiercely and he moaned loudly since it was something Ezra apparently liked. "I love you... I love you so much... Damn them all, humans and trees, I found you, you found me... Love you..." 

Ezra's semen was leaking out of him and Ezra could barely stand in his arms, but physics or biology or whatever, nothing mattered. Ezra was here with him, Ezra slept with him and ate with him and wanted him, and for all his wild imagination, Crowley couldn't think of anything better.

"Need... a minute. Then... dress. Food. I..." A chuckle. "Think you broke me. Not going to be good for anything with that part for a while. Sorry..."

"Wonderful for me though..." Crowley replied. "Perfect for me... With any part of you. Shall we get out, angel? It's terribly cold... Shall we? I love you, you know..."

"I think you told me. Come on... put some clothes on before you rub my dick quite off my lap." He eased legs to the floor, and eased out of his body with a hiss. "Oh... come on, pick those boxers... I want to see you in my clothes."

Crowley rushed out of the bathroom, wet and naked, and returned wearing Ezra's blindingly white boxers and blindingly tartan shirt, pink and blue. It was too big for Crowley, but he sneered and put his trousers on.

And then he stood before Ezra, wearing his clothes and smiling like a loon. "Good, angel?" He turned around.

"Perfect," Ezra said, eyes slitting with hunger that would just have to wait. "Absolutely perfect. Now: breakfast."


	5. How do bees pollinate when they are required to stay in their hive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This here is texting alone  
> Although these two still try to bone  
> They bicker and talk  
> But mostly they rock  
> And their marriage is now set in stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some sex content, marked with asterisks. Other than that they are just two idiots in love.
> 
> The poem is John Donne's The Ecstasy.

Crowley left in the late afternoon, wobbly legs and a stupid smile. He walked looking backwards for a while which inevitably led to several rude interactions. He ignored them most pointedly.

He took his phone out and texted Ezra he was missing him already. Then he added that he was an idiot and so was Ezra. 

Crowley was rather surprised to discover that moms hadn't called him, so he called them. 

"Sara, he's alive," said Leah by way of greeting.

"Oh, great," he heard Sara replying sarcastically. "He could have informed us earlier."

"Moms, I'm thirty!" Crowley argued.

"Yeah. And it's mostly our achievement," said Sara grumpily.

"I get it Ezra agreed to marry you." Leah chuckled. 

"Oh... No... Not yet."

"Did you consent to everything? Are you being safe? Comfortable? Thoroughly shagged into sweet bliss?" demanded Sara.

"I... Ehm... Consented to everything. Thoroughly. Yes. Sweet bliss. All the way through, any way possible." Crowley nodded much more than was necessary.

"And safe?" Sara didn't give up.

"I guess. Yes. He fed me." He tried to placate the worries.

"Spare us the details," Leah laughed.

"No, I mean, he fed me. Insisted that I eat."

"Marry him," said Sara and Leah in unison. "Where is he?"

"He's back in his shop. I'm on my way back to Oxford."

"Stay safe, treeson."

"I will. Love you."

"Yeah, we know. Bye."

Crowley returned his phone to the pocket and hopped several times. 

The phone chimed, so naturally assuming Ezra texted back, Crowley pulled the device back and learned that the university had just entered lockdown, together with all educational institutions. Crowley frowned but decided not to worry about it just yet. Besides, Ezra did reply.

>>> My dear idiot, it already feels like an eternity since you left. I can see all the places you touched. I don't want to tidy up because it will feel like removing your traces. Did you get home okay?

<<<angel, I'm still on my way to the station. Left you ten minutes ago, according to my watch.

U think I better get back to you now? U heard about the lockdown?

>>> It hasn't been ten minutes, it's been ten million years. So you should already be on your way back to me.

>>> Wait, it's got worse? I thought there were only a few cases.

<<<impossible to get back to you now! I'll need to pick some of my things and then they won't let me out of Oxford unless it's an emergency. My supervisor doesn't believe I have a lover;(

>>> Show him your boxers. No, don't. That was a joke.

<<< too late

>>> I'm going to read

>>> TELL ME THAT WAS A JOKE

<<<abt what? How to bugger your tree?;p

<<<it wasn't. She believes me now.

>>> I thought I did a good job of buggering my tree and not getting splinters

<<<took a pic, sent her

>>> Oh Lord please do not do that again

>>> But send me the picture

<<<don't tease me angel, I heard I can't wank on a train.

<<< [IMG] <i>Pic of a rim of Ezra's boxers, angel wings and all, with a glimpse of Crowley's stomach</i>

>>> Do not wank on the train. Can you tell them it's an emergency and get back here???

>>> Or get to your mothers'?

<<<I need my laptop to work, my whole life... Professional life is there.

<<< can't get there, need my laptop. Should have taken it with me

<<<I'll do my best not to want on the train. Love u

<<<not to wank

<<<bugger

>>> I love you too

>>> No buggery either

>>> Crowley I am really worried

>>> I read the briefing

<<< I'm ordering myself a butt plug. Will bugger on any train. Are you proud of me?

<<<I didn't. I'll find a way, ok? Can break something... No, won't work. Angel, I swear I'll crawl back to you underground if I have to. Will take a million years but I will

>>> I would rather be the one buggering you but in my absence I suppose

>>> Do you have enough food in? Are you - is your place safe? Do you have plenty of green things nearby?

<<< no absence! I'll just come ready. Guess I need to order lube too... Hey, there's a lovely two-dicks dick. I'll order it too;p

<<< I doubt I have any food. My fridge mostly is for samples and stuff...

>>> The world is going into lockdown and you're ordering sex toys. You're insane, and I love you. And I'm really hoping no one can see your phone.

>>> ORDER SOME BLOODY FOOD.

<<< I don't know what I eat!.. fuck, I really don't. What do I eat, angel? And I can't cook. Moms and you will kill me

>>> Do you have any neighbours you know. Crowley, I'm serious

<<< dunno tbh. I keep to myself.

>>> I will kill you if you die of malnutrition. Order noodles. And - and tinned fruit. And rice and pasta and sauces

<<< I don't trust myself with cooking... Last time I tried the fire alarm went off

>>> Order long life stuff and alcohol and chocolate and biscuits. Do you need a shopping list

<<< do you prefer organic lube or just any?

>>> I have no idea

<<< oh I'd love a shopping list.

<<< you have lube, you have the idea. I'll order organic. And strawberry flavoured.

>>> If it's for personal use only, anything is fine. But if we're using toys, make sure some is water based please

<<< so no strawberry?

>>> I didn't even know they made organic lube. Strawberry is good. I just know some can damage toys but on people most anything works.

<<< I want to eat you. You're my shopping list.

<<< all is water based.

<<< how many speeds do you want on a vibrator?

>>> Shopping List:

* Pot noodles or other instant noodles - you only need a kettle or water boiler

* Pasta of any variety, dried, not fresh

* Rice, preferably bulk bag

* Long life sauces - tomato, white sauces, curry sauces 

* Chopped tinned fruit and veg

* Herbs and spices - dried

* Salt if you don't already have it. And chilli

* Eggs keep

* Fresh fruit and veg and consider if you can make a veg garden

* Cous cous

* Beans - including kidney beans

* I am aware this list is long but you need to stock up and I will send you recipes, treat them like scientific experiments, follow the steps

>>> Whilst I would love you to eat me you already said you're not coming back here, and as many or as few as you like

>>> Crowley please be safe. I'm sorry I'm not thinking about AAA batteries right now. I'm thinking about you

>>> POTATOES. ONION. GARLIC. CHOCOLATE.

>>> Tea and coffee and UHT milk

>>> Toilet roll

>>> Also paracetamol, lemsip, and any repeat prescriptions you need. I'm --- actually I'm going to go to the shops before they empty as well.

_ A few hours later _

<<< I ordered everything you said & moms brought me everything as well. They loved your list and told me to tell you that you're the best. U r the best angel. 

<<< I have a herb garden. My rosemary is to die for.

>>> Okay good. If Jewish mothers approve then I must be decent. Don't let anything get too low. Should I remind you weekly to get more?

>>> Is this going to be more than a weekly thing? I mean, the lockdown? Please plant some lettuce and potatoes if you can.

<<< I can't have potatoes on my windowsill! And hate lettuce. 

<<< I don't know, angel. I... Like... To think I could have stayed with you... We could have been so happy and... Stupid me. So stupid. I love you. I should have stayed.

>>> I'm sorry I'm going a bit crazy. It's just I want to make sure you are okay.

<<< I'll be fine. We'll talk all the time, right?

>>> It's alright. We can still be happy over a distance. I love you too and we will get through this

>>> Yes. Please don't shut me out. I'm

<<< just never been so close to anyone. Not even to myself I guess. And i miss you and I shouldn't function without you... I don't want to eat without you.

>>> I care a lot about you alright? And I'm worried and I want you safe and I miss you.

>>> Eat so that when you see me again you have the energy to show me all these toys you bought

>>> What about we eat together? Over videos. So it doesn't feel like you're eating alone.

<<< I'd love that, angel

<<< Want you like crazy. 

<<< Mom could have married us the day we met... She wouldn't have, but she could have.

<<< I'm very clingy. Not a tree. A vine.

>>> I don't know if it works like that. I mean. I haven't looked into it but I think there's a bit more work involved.

>>> Getting married I mean. And now we have to wait anyway.

<<< ofc!! I'll learn about everything you like and we'll eat together and cuddle although you can't cuddle without jumping my bones and I love you

>>> Maybe you're the vine, and I'm the tree, and it's a sympathetic relationship. No - symbiotic?

<<< oh

>>> Well at least not being able to touch you will mean we have to behave a little. Which might stop my little guy falling off

<<< depends on the vine. Can choke the tree... Do I need to order some bdsm stuff? Honest, it doesn't look so good to me but I'd do anything. For you.

>>> Well maybe fluffy handcuffs and blindfolds? But I don't think we are lacking in the inspiration front so far.

>>> Might be nice to cuff you to the bed and then make you suffer my kisses everywhere

<<< called me a demon tree. Can't order anything fluffy. But you're fluffy? Can I order you?

>>> You do realise talking about all of this is making me need to break quarantine already don't you. Or at least type one handed

<<< sorry to disappoint, won't suffer. Will yell and wail and make a lot of embarrassing noises

<<< touch yourself with any number of hands. I'll wait.

>>> Why can't you be a fluffy demon. I like fluffy. It's soft and it doesn't hurt. I don't really want to hurt you. Except maybe bite your neck. Perhaps I am a vampire.

>>> Don't want to stop talking to you

<<< can't bite my own neck! I tried. Doesn't work.

<<< neither do I. What are you wearing? Are you wearing anything?

>>> You can bite mine. And I will bite yours. But I'm sure I can make you suffer with kisses.

>>> [IMG]

<<< you're the demon here. M just growing my rosemary.

>>> What I was before, though it's significantly tighter

<<< fuck angel...

>>> I'm sure other things are growing

<<< yeah. Mint. Basil. My cock.

>>> Is it very hard?

<<< basil? No, it's very easy... Oh

<<< yeah, it is. Wanna pic?

>>> I would rather

>>> That is to say, yes, please

>>> Not the basil

<<< [IMG]

>>> I mean I also want to see the basil

>>> I

>>> Do you have lube? At home? Did you get some from the shops on the way home?

<<< here's my herb garden too [IMG]

>>> Also sexy

<<< didn't. Waiting for it to arrive. Using coconut oil. Need to remember to not cool with it

<<< cook

>>> Have two lots. One in bedroom, one in kitchen.

>>> And don't wank in the kitchen.

>>> Do

>>> Do you want to... try this?

<<< definitely want to wank in the kitchen

<<< Look [link]

<<< A lovely cock. I can't stick mine inside it and fuck you with it.

<<< I can!!!

>>> If you don't have any toys a cucumber in a condom is

<<< can and will

>>> Did you buy that? If not, I WILL

<<< cucumbers are gross

<<< buying it... Bought it.

>>> How do you want to do this? Text and photos? Or video call?

>>> It's almost a good job I'm not allowed to keep the shop open

<<< anything 

<<< Wanna talk to you too. About your mom. About you.

>>> Can we talk about my mother when we're not about to have sex?

>>> Like maybe over lunch?

<<< we're about to have sex?!

>>> That's what I asked!!!

<<< I can't do it. You're not here

>>> You

>>> You can show me, and I can

>>> Ask you to do things for me

<<< LL do anything for you angel

<<< Ordered a dick I can attach to my iPad. Like, I can talk to you and fuck myself on "you"

>>> Ohhhh

>>> Can you... can you set up the camera so I can watch? You could turn on the mic

>>> Make a video call... with the cameras pointing so we can see, and... talk....

<<< now? It'll be just me wanking

>>> I want to see you wanking

>>> I want to see you

>>> I want to tell you what my hands would do for you, to you, see how your body reacts

>>> I want to try. I want you so much.

*****************************

<<< [incoming video call]

"Can you hear me?"

"Yeah angel, can see you too. You're lovely."

"Not as lovely as you. That angle is good... is mine set up right?"

"Absolutely. Delectable, you are. What should I do? Should I tell you that nothing ever compares to your mouth on me?"

"Fuck... uhhhh... yes. Will... will you touch your cock for me? Show me what you wish I was doing with my hands?"

"Anything your hands do is good... But not like your mouth. Warm and gentle... My hands are not good enough... Can you see me? How much I want you?"

"I can see... Oh, I want to suck your cock so much. I'd push my tongue underneath, lick your juices over your head. I'd seal my lips and drink you down, use my tongue to praise your prick. Fffffffuck..."

"I love you angel. So much. Why can't everyone love like we do? Easily... So easily... Love you angel love you love you love you... You're so beautiful, your mouth feels so good, seeing you feels so good. Will you come for me?"

"Yes... oh, I can almost smell you... I... Crowley... Push your fingers in, where I want to lick you, are you - are you w-wet? Are you - ahhhh, I'm going to - I'm - CROWLEY!"

"I'm wet angel. I am. Miss you. I'm not sure we can do that often because it's like losing you, like being torn from you. What's the point of we can't smell and lick each other."

"I know... I know... I'm sorry. I love you. Do you need to stop?"

"Not a clue... Just... You're not here. Every part of me feels... Unnecessary."

"All of you is necessary. Do - do you want to come? Or do you want to... stop? I - I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just - even hearing your voice is... oh, fuck, now I'm going to cry..."

"No! You're not crying! I've come... Angel, I miss you so. I should have stayed... I'm so sorry I didn't... But maybe you'd want to get rid of me after a day or two. I'm a lot to handle, angel..."

********************************

"No, no - I love you. I love that you're a lot. I want a lot. I'm - it's just - I've been alone all these years and - and now you're gone and I - I just - I don't want to fuck this up and I just want t-to hold you and-- fuck, I'm sorry, I don't know if we should be on video when I'm-- I'm sorry, I'm a mess..."

"Love you too, angel. You're so... I want everything, and I heard it's awful, to want so much... You can't screw it up, you're brilliant. Clever. Soft. I'll need to listen to a lot of terribly sentimental songs."

"If you - if you make me listen to those - I will cry like a big girl's blouse... can we clean up and... and lie down and put each other on the pillow like we're cuddled?"

"I won't make you listen to anything... There, you're on my pillow. It's memory foam, moms gave it to me, as they put, just so we stay calm... I don't need a pillow anyway... I can sing to you... You want it? Won't be Mozart all the time... I'll never leave you behind, or treat you unkind... I know you understand. And with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye that I ever did receive...  _ Pushing forward and arching back. Bring me closer to heart attack _ ."

"... That's... That's... You call me an angel, but you're the one with the divine voice..."

"Oh, that's just to tempt you, angel... Just to lure you into iniquity. Does it work?"

"I'm tempted. Actually, is it temptation if I already agreed? I said I'm yours... you should sing me to sleep every night."

"Oh. I will! I know that very old lullaby... In Spanish. Want it?"

"I want anything you will sing to me. I do love you, you know. I do..."

"I know. I trust you... It's sweet to trust you, to know you. I'm so lucky you came by that day, that you were mad enough to talk to me... I love you, I'm with you. We're so much smarter than everyone else, Ezra. They require time and pining and shit... And we just know, you and I. Isn't it wonderful?"

"It is. Though. They don't get to hear as much at once... I want to hear everything. I want to know all your thoughts. I want to know about your hopes, your dreams, your silly little ideas... I want to know when you see a cloud you like... I want to know everything about you, Anthony J Crowley..."

"Well... I'm ridiculous, as you know. I highly recommend you to read Art Winfree. He researched the circadian rhythm and shit... You'd love him. I'll explain for you anything you don't understand. You should read him still, I think. It's this Goethean quality, you know? Seeing how everything rhymes. We're so ordinary, angel, so domestic. But we have that same quality, that rhyme... And I love you, and we sync... That's me. That's you. We rhyme."

"I will order that... and I'd love to have you explain things to me. It's... don't laugh at me... you did your science, I did my arts. And all these stories about soul mates... true loves... you're mine. Do you like poetry?"

"Course I'm yours, angel. I like poetry alright. Goethe. Anything you want to share?"

"Wait here.... let me go get... oh I can just google it. Do you want me to link it?"

"I want you to read it to me. Walk me to the right shelf. I'd pin you to it, you know."

"...you are wicked. Very wicked. Now... let me read this to you. It's by John Donne... alright...

" _ Where, like a pillow on a bed _

_ A pregnant bank swell'd up to rest _

_ The violet's reclining head, _

_ Sat we two, one another's best. _

_ Our hands were firmly cemented _

_ With a fast balm, which thence did spring; _

_ Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread _

_ Our eyes upon one double string; _

_ So to'intergraft our hands, as yet _

_ Was all the means to make us one, _

_ And pictures in our eyes to get _

_ Was all our propagation. _

_ As 'twixt two equal armies fate _

_ Suspends uncertain victory, _

_ Our souls (which to advance their state _

_ Were gone out) hung 'twixt her and me. _

_ And whilst our souls negotiate there, _

_ We like sepulchral statues lay; _

_ All day, the same our postures were, _

_ And we said nothing, all the day. _

_ If any, so by love refin'd _

_ That he soul's language understood, _

_ And by good love were grown all mind, _

_ Within convenient distance stood, _

_ He (though he knew not which soul spake, _

_ Because both meant, both spake the same) _

_ Might thence a new concoction take _

_ And part far purer than he came. _

_ This ecstasy doth unperplex, _

_ We said, and tell us what we love; _

_ We see by this it was not sex, _

_ We see we saw not what did move; _

_ But as all several souls contain _

_ Mixture of things, they know not what, _

_ Love these mix'd souls doth mix again _

_ And makes both one, each this and that. _

_ A single violet transplant, _

_ The strength, the colour, and the size, _

_ (All which before was poor and scant) _

_ Redoubles still, and multiplies. _

_ When love with one another so _

_ Interinanimates two souls, _

_ That abler soul, which thence doth flow, _

_ Defects of loneliness controls. _

_ We then, who are this new soul, know _

_ Of what we are compos'd and made, _

_ For th' atomies of which we grow _

_ Are souls, whom no change can invade. _

_ But oh alas, so long, so far, _

_ Our bodies why do we forbear? _

_ They'are ours, though they'are not we; we are _

_ The intelligences, they the spheres. _

_ We owe them thanks, because they thus _

_ Did us, to us, at first convey, _

_ Yielded their senses' force to us, _

_ Nor are dross to us, but allay. _

_ On man heaven's influence works not so, _

_ But that it first imprints the air; _

_ So soul into the soul may flow, _

_ Though it to body first repair. _

_ As our blood labors to beget _

_ Spirits, as like souls as it can, _

_ Because such fingers need to knit _

_ That subtle knot which makes us man, _

_ So must pure lovers' souls descend _

_ T' affections, and to faculties, _

_ Which sense may reach and apprehend, _

_ Else a great prince in prison lies. _

_ To'our bodies turn we then, that so _

_ Weak men on love reveal'd may look; _

_ Love's mysteries in souls do grow, _

_ But yet the body is his book. _

_ And if some lover, such as we, _

_ Have heard this dialogue of one, _

_ Let him still mark us, he shall see _

_ Small change, when we'are to bodies gone.” _

"Oh this is sweet... My angel, if I remind you of Donne, then I'm the best lover ever."

"You do... my dear... I want to fall asleep hearing your voice... I want to dream of you..."

"Dream of me. Think of me. I'm thinking of you all the time. I love you all the time... We'll be together again, angel. I'll do anything to stay with you forever."

"Are you tired? Are you drifting off? Can you feel my fingers in your hair?"

"Wish I could... I promise I'll find a way to get back to you. I will. I will, angel. I can't stand it being far from you."

"Think of it just as... as an extended window... a... courtship from afar... a test, and when we come through it..."

"We come through and... Oh fuck it angel. I'll marry you. I mean, if you want. I just don't want to be parted from you. I don't know how anyone can stand it."

"How about we see if we still can stand each other - and you, me - by the end of the lockdown... if you want to move in together... and if that works...?"

"Sure. Do you want to watch something together?"

"Yes. I'd love to. I've got Netflix, Amazon... or there's always stuff on Youtube... anything you want to choose? I'll put it on... maybe we should go back to texting?"

"Ok, love. Lord of the Rings?"

"...you don't do anything small, do you? Alright... I have the DVDs, even. You like the trees I bet. Okay... I'll get it going..."

<<< I think you're a Hobbit, angel

>>> I am not that short but I do like food

>>> You talk too much to be an Ent

<<< hey, hey, hold your ponies, we've just started

>>> You know I read the books

<<< no way! You, read the books? There are books?

>>> Is that a joke?

<<< I guess. I'm proud of myself

<<< not that I can't recite Silmarilion by heart

>>> I nearly had a heart attack

<<< I didn't even push forward or arch back

<<< I'm sorry

<<< I like Pippin. Pippin is the best.

>>> Who do you think I am then?

<<< my love?

>>> I mean are you Pippin?

<<< probably... Also I'm definitely Gimli. And you're Arwen.

>>> Shouldn't I be Galadriel if you're Gimli

>>> Or Legolas

<<< you're Galadriel alright. My fair queen

<<< pun intended

>>> I know I know

>>> Look I try not to be camp

<<< and I love you

>>> But how would you have known I was in your camp if I wasn't a little ... Camp

<<< bc I loved you the moment I saw you

>>> I bet you can recite the Elvish. And know the names of all the languages

<<< oh, I can!

>>> You're smooth

>>> And a nerd

<<< moms used to speak with me in Sindarin so that nb understands us

>>> That's so cute

>>> May I ask a rude question

>>> I don't know if it's rude actually

<<< ofc

>>> Do you know about the genetics of your birth?

>>> If that's rude please don't be angry

<<< what do you mean?

<<< you mean who the sperm belonged to?

>>> Actually I meant who carried you and - and did the other mother -

>>> I realise this is quite insensitive, I'm sorry

<<< YOU can ask

>>> Everyone in my family was very straight laced and although I was - I've looked things up but I'm -

<<< but I never thought about it tbh

>>> Oh

>>> And thank you for not being upset I asked

<<< they were always like, yeah, we carried you

>>> It's just you mentioned children

<<< I did. I have all required bits. Which sounds gross.

>>> I mean

>>> Do you want to talk about that?

>>> Maybe after the movie

<<< fuck the movie talk to me

>>> Fuck you talk to you

>>> I didn't mean that in the fuck off sense

<<< got me worried

>>> Sorry

>>> I meant 'make love to you' fuck you

<<< my insatiable angel

>>> But I never thought about it before you said it.

>>> And then I couldn't stop.

<<< oh shit

>>> What's wrong.

<<< sorry

>>> Why??????

<<< well you never thought about it and then I just dropped it on you

>>> I never thought about everything until the first time I thought of them

<<< makes sense

>>> And also, I hadn't had anyone to think about it with

>>> So

>>> I guess I'm open to the idea but obviously not with what's going on in the world right now

<<< you're thinking of them with me?

<<< I mean if we have them theoretically, I'll have to stop t.

<<< and... I mean... Now that I think think about it... I'll be a mess if I stop t.

<<< I mean more than usual

<<< but when I could get rid of ... Everything, I realised I was curious

>>> Well it would have to be done planned if we did it, and there's no saying we could do it, that I could

>>> But I wanted to say, I'd be... I'd be open to it

<<< cooing

<<< I'm cooing

<<< I'm picturing you with a child

<<< gonna die of cuteness

>>> Oh, stop that!

>>> I just

>>> You're absolutely a man

>>> But then you said that and

>>> Is it awful of me to say I could imagine you carrying our children?

>>> I mean I don't even know what to say about what's there. I love it but I'd love you without it too. And I don't want to upset you when I have no idea how it must make you feel.

>>> I don't love you because you have both. I love you because I love you.

<<< I'm glad you could. I can carry them, that's it. Doesn't make me a lesser man. Makes me actually a total badass.

>>> I absolutely couldn't do it.

>>> Even if I had the bits.

<<< I love kids. They can be great once you're not one of them

>>> What would we be though? Dad and Daddy?

>>> Or something else?

>>> Now I'm wondering if they'd technically be Jewish if you're their father but you carry them. And I'm imagining asking my Grandfather and getting a very long answer that isn't an answer at all.

<<< papa. I'm a papa.

>>> Of course you are. I'm Daddy. Unless you want me to be Mummy :)

<<< you're Jewish, your mom was Jewish and I'm Jewish. A totally Jewish kid.

>>> I was being silly about the

<<< my moms would have loved your grandfather

>>> You know no 'mother'

>>> Probably loved my mother, too

<<< but both parents are Jewish. No options

<<< oh, they would have...

>>> I was five. When she died.

<<< would have been a murderous squad of Jewish grandmas

<<< oh angel, I'm so sorry

>>> It's okay

<<< your dad an arsehole?

>>> No

>>> Just

<<< sorry

<<< you never mentioned him so I thought

>>> English. You know.

>>> He's not horrible he's just

<<< cold, damp and moody?

>>> Lukewarm

>>> Feelings are for other people. Never said he didn't approve of me, but never said he did, either.

<<< and Catholic

<<< I approve of you. I approve of you so much

>>> Yes

>>> I know you do. And I do you

<<< wiggle for me, like you do

<<< wiggle wiggle

>>> He's not horrible. He's just different. We exist in the same world but at a distance. Like lions and tigers or something

>>> He stays in his jungle I stay in mine

<<< lions and tigers don't even share habitats

>>> That's what I mean

>>> Common ancestry but utterly different.

<<< angel lions don't live in jungle whatever Disney made you believe

>>> It was a metaphor

>>> He would be polite to you.

>>> But he wouldn't understand. And he'd be happy to say hello and then never see you again. I think. I mean. He sends me texts at Christmas and my birthday and that's about it. But I haven't really done much myself so.

>>> We should talk about happier things.

<<< we can talk of anything

<<< like, Elrond is hot but Gandalf is hotter

>>> Gandalf is amazing

>>> Elrond just makes me think of the Matrix >>> But also Priscilla Queen of the Desert

>>> You don't mind that I also find the women attractive?

>>> But anyway none of them are as attractive as you

>>> They aren't trees. And apparently I am tree-sexual.

<<< how can I mind you finding someone attractive?

>>> Well I believe some people get jealous >>> But it's not as if I would run off with them

>>> Just that I can appreciate them in the abstract

<<< I don't own you angel. Or trees. Or any beauty. Mb it's what makes stuff beautiful, its liberty

>>> You are far too smart for your own good

<<< I know

>>> And modest to boot

>>> What are we going to do while the world is locked down

<<< I found chicken soup in my fridge.

>>> I mean, I guess you can still do your research

>>> How old is it

<<< I intend to start digging my way back to you

>>> Can't you just tell them you are moving in with me

>>> Please don't tunnel you will have no reception to talk to me

<<< update on chicken soup

<<< moms sneaked it in

<<< sneaky moms

>>> I have books to read. But. I also ... I don't know

>>> Good moms. Now eat the soup.

<<< I can't do my research if I can't go to lab

<<< problem is... Well, I have a lot of data I still need to process and wrap in words

<<< soup is nice. You'd love it. I'll take it with me when I dig

<<< I'd love to move in with you

>>> I mean I can read books all the time and I did and do and now would be the perfect time to catch up on things I haven't but

<<< but you need my butt

>>> When the world is all shut down and you can't go out, suddenly you want to go out. I never wanted to go out. I mean not as much as I wanted books

>>> And indeed your butt

<<< where's that damn soup I put it somewhere a moment ago what the fuck

>>> Is it in the microwave

<<< no I was eating it

>>> Did you put it under a book

<<< why would I put soup under a book?

>>> Why would you lose soup at all?

<<< brilliant question

<<< sneaky soup

>>> I don't even LIKE going out that much but now I can't and I want to

>>> Turn on the camera and show me the room and maybe I will see your soup

<<< found it! Was on the sink in the bathroom

>>> Where else would it be?

<<< indeed. Don't remember putting it there

>>> I want to see the ducks

>>> Wait

<<< we could play I spy in my room

>>> Crowley are you in any of the risk categories

<<< I'm not old, as far as I know. Moms think I'm a baby practically

>>> You will always be a baby to your parents

<<< not immunocompromised

<<< yeah, but I can walk alone when I'm thrown off a bus

<<< and I don't need chicken soup sneaked into my fridge

<<< I appreciate it

<<< don't get me wrong

>>> Don't be mad when I say this

<<< but like... Sneaking in

>>> But I understand the being mad at them part but I also wish I had one to do that to me

>>> And you have TWO

>>> Sometimes I wonder if she'd be mad at me or not

<<< I'm sorry angel. I didn't mean that. I was just surprised. I found food next to my fungi samples

<<< who can be mad at you?

>>> No I am glad you have two

>>> I just

>>> Suppose I was trying to remind you that you can be mad at them with love

<<< they will love you you know

>>> I don't know, I'm tired and lonely and locked in here with just books

>>> I hope so

<<< my lovely angel, my darling, we'll be together. Soon I hope

<<< you want to go to bed?

>>> Yes and no

>>> And my grandfather is laughing at me again

<<< I'm watching my shower.. it's better than yours but without you it's just as bad

<<< why is he laughing?

>>> I don't want to sleep because you aren't there or here and also I want to stay awake and talk to you but I know I am tired and you will be here in the morning

>>> Because I didn't answer

<<< wait does he haunt the shop?

>>> No. I guess I internalised him

>>> I know how he would react to things

<<< what would the old sage say?

>>> He would tell me that it was the perfect answer and to take a book and go to bed all the same

<<< then do it

>>> And that I'd sleep when I was ready to sleep

>>> But he didn't know I would have you

<<< your grandfather was amazing

<<< what would he say about me?

>>> He made this bookshop so I tend to agree

>>> I

>>> I don't know

>>> I didn't come out until after he was gone, too

>>> I don't know what they would think, any of them

<<< sure he knew

>>> I'm sure everyone knew

>>> Didn't mean they wanted to know, or were happy about it

>>> Probably hoped I would find a nice girl or just remain a bachelor forever

<<< I'll love you so much angel. I mean... The way I want it... I want to love you more every day

<<< hate all this "I love them as if we had just met" bollocks

>>> You

<<< you love someone who stood by you through thick and thin more so much more

>>> You say that now but what if you change your mind

<<< than on the first day

>>> What if one day I annoy you too much

>>> Or I don't understand something

>>> Or you decide I'm boring or rude or just

<<< the way I see it we found an... Acorn.

<<< And within there's an oak

>>> Not all trees grow to be that though

<<< Everything you need to know about that oak is inside that acorn

>>> But the world changes it, too

>>> It's an acorn, but you plant it in dead soil, or in a drought, or in scorching heat

<<< and you take care of it and help it grow and watch it grow and it might be capricious and might decide it'll grow in a way that might harm it in the future but it's still my oak, the one I found as an acorn

<<< angel, you insult me

>>> See

<<< I'll plant this acorn in the garden of fucking Eden

>>> I didn't mean that

>>> But you can't

>>> Can't control the weather

>>> The pandemics

>>> The other trees

<<< I can find the next best thing. And if something is difficult, it's interesting. All those books, they always go on forever about you know, falling in love and suffering and shit but nobody says, oh shit, no the work has begun. Meticulous, hard work

<<< now

<<< I can't control the weather but I can learn how to take care of my tree

>>> What if I'm a bad tree

>>> Sorry

<<< it's a crime to behave like a character from Chekhov

>>> Maybe I should go to sleep before I upset you

<<< wasn't about yoy

<<< nonononono

<<< stay with me

>>> I'm just

>>> I'm afraid of losing you

>>> And I'm afraid if you can fall in love so fast what if

>>> What if you change your mind or

<<< I can heal trees. I can help them. But I'm not abandoning someone of such astonishing awesome beauty bc it's difficult at times.

>>> What if I'm not

<<< I'm looking forward to arguing with you over small things and mismatched socks and dust all over the place

<<<yeah you are

>>> I'm sorry

>>> I just

<<< and I'm undressing

>>> It's stupid

>>> Are you trying to distract me with sexual favours

>>> Or is that just you saying you're going to bed

<<< undressed, naked, in my bed

<<< I'm updating you

>>> Will you be angry with me if I say I don't want... things... right now?

<<< I don't want them either

>>> I'm just a bit too sad

<<< I noticed

>>> I'm sorry

<<< no, you shouldn't be

>>> Can

>>> Can we plan some nice things

<<< sure

>>> Until I see you again

>>> I have no idea when I will see you again

<<< I'm ordering the digging starting pack

>>> And when I think about it I start to panic

>>> Send your mothers my number please

<<< that sounds too hopeless

<<< I did

>>> What if something happened to you and I didn't know

<<< angel, I'm locked in my flat

>>> It could burn down

>>> Or you could forget to eat or you could flood or

<<< the worst that can happen is that I use my microwave to boil an egg. Did that once.

>>> I take it that didn't work

<<< yeah

<<< it was like EGG ALL OVER THE PLACE

<<< sad little microwave

<<< I felt so guilty

<<< when it's all over we'll go to my moms for Shabbat dinner

>>> Don't do that together

>>> Oh

<<< we can even go to the synagogue if you want

>>> Crowley

<<< and sex on Shabbat is a mitzvah

>>> Tempting me into religion using sex is probably a sin. Even if that's a Christian way of thinking.

<<< I still have posters in my room but mostly of trees

>>> Now I'm confused.

<<< I mean back at moms'

>>> Did you masturbate to trees????

<<< not tempting you into anything

<<< wait... That's why ppl have posters?

>>> When they are older I think

>>> Not when they are children

>>> And you know I'm

>>> Not practising, right?

<<< I also have led Zeppelin, vintage

>>> I would jerk off to that

<<< hm... And Joan Baez... Vintage too. And loads of Leonard Cohen. Basically my moms' posters

>>> Are you sure you're not a male lesbian

<<< sequoias

>>> [IMG]

<<< baobabs. Dragon blood trees. Handsome buggers, them

>>> You give a new meaning to tree-hugger

<<< I'm a tree bugger

>>> Do not bugger the trees, you will get splinters

<<< I'll use my new toys

<<< when they arrive

>>> Will you tell me though?

<<< how I'm cheating on you with a tree? Nope. Bc not gonna do it

>>> I meant the toys not the trees

>>> Silly boy

<<< actually I'm bloody brilliant

>>> But I'm serious. I'm only technically Jewish

>>> And now I'm worried you think I'm more than I am

>>> Crowley?

<<< yes, here!

<<< I think you're Ezra

<<< I think I love you like crazy

<<< I think you worry too much

>>> Even if I'm only a fake

<<< but that's understandable

<<< fake of what?

>>> Everything

<<< no, you're truly Ezra. I'd know you anywhere

>>> I just worry you see some version of me I can't live up to

<<< I'll get to know you better

<<< but it doesn't mean I'd be disappointed

>>> We have a pandemic to test that theory

<<< ok, list me your worst qualities

<<< as for me I never shut up, forget to eat, think that everyone should love trees and been once told I was too honest to be truly honest which is some next level mind fuckery and I studied topology

<<< I ordered you a hammock. Hammocks are wicked. You actually kinda fly. Suspended in time and space. It's awesome. I want you to have one. Put it somewhere between your shelves

<<< actually I wanted it to be a surprise but guess what I forgot the meaning of surprises

>>> Are you trying to make me into an orangutan???

>>> You surprised me right now anyway. And the only thing on your list I agree is a flaw is your failing to eat

>>> My own flaws will take far too long to list

>>> But if we're going there... I'll see if you stop talking to me when I am done

<<< ok, come, tell me your sins, you sexy Catholic

>>> Just so you know I am so not doing that kind of roleplay with you. And I'm as lapsed in the church as I am in the temple.

<<< see, add bad flirting to my list of vices

>>> I'm a prig, or so I am reliably told, and a snob. And a geek, nerd, whatever. Those aren't always considered bad habits admittedly. But I eat too much and I think about my belly too often. I like books more than most people. I speak to people but I never really talk to them. I am a bad Jew and a worse Catholic. I got mad at the world very young and I guess I never stopped. I hold a grudge and I'm petty. And I never exercise. And I ignore the door when I know it's people collecting either for charity or souls. And I don't use dental floss. And I seem smarter than I am because people just assume I know what they are talking about but I guess I am just very good at concealing the gaps in my knowledge. And I am terrified constantly that there is going to - t…

<<< I love you

<<< I love you

>>> Crowley

<<< I love you

>>> Crowley please stop

>>> I love you too but I think I need to breathe in a paper bag

<<< I love you do much, you're so sweet and honest and I want to hold you right now and raffle your hair and kiss you silly and tell you how much I fucking love you

<<< you've just described the most perfect person in the whole world, and it's you and you're mine and I'm never ever letting you go

<<< also want to hit you on the head bc you're silly and I love you

<<< it doesn't make much sense but I never do

>>> Crowley

>>> Promise me something

>>> You say you're honest

<<< too honest I've been told

<<< it's all those normal ppl with their strange criteria

>>> Promise me you'll never hide it from me if I hurt you or make you mad or sad

>>> Promise me you

  
  


<<< I don't think I'm able to

>>> Won't ever pretend to be happy to make me happy

<<< but I promise

>>> And you'll tell me if you need to stop

>>> I'm not talking just in the bedroom

>>> Promise me on your mothers

<<< I don't want to stop. Ever.

>>> But if you do

>>> You'll tell me

>>> I'm serious

<<< I can't promise on them. I don't do that, angel. I promise, and you'll have to believe me. I guess. Trust, right?

>>> Why can't you?

>>> But if you say you mean it, I will

<<< I don't do that. I don't swear on anyone. I don't work like that... Don't function like that

>>> Alright

<<< it does make me uncomfortable that you ask for it but I'm not angry with you

>>> It's just what people say I guess

<<< scared a bit

>>> It's why I asked why not

>>> I wanted to know

>>> To understand

<<< moms have nothing to do with you and I being together

<<< they are not a part of our equation

>>> No. But it's your - your honesty that you won't hurt yourself to keep me from being upset

>>> It's not about us being together, but you promising me you won't hurt yourself to do it

>>> Won't let me hurt you to do it

<<< why would I do that? What's the point of me hurting myself if in the end it deprives you of me?

>>> Then I know it's real and you aren't just - one day going to pretend - because you said you loved me and you couldn't say no

>>> I don't know. I'm drunk. I'm not making any sense. I just needed to know you know you can leave. If it's wrong. If it hurts you. If we don't work. I need to know you know you're free

<<< ofc I'm free. But I love you and want to stay. Don't make me quote the book of Ruth at you

<<< it'll make you cry

>>> If you promise me

<<< I guess

<<< I did.

>>> You silly genius. I'm already crying

>>> Then

>>> When this is over

>>> When the world is back to normal

>>> I'll ask you if you still mean it

<<< I'll tell you everyday

>>> But I'll ask you that day

<<< I want you to do something for me

>>> Properly

>>> And if you say yes, I'll go down on one knee, and I'll ask you again. And that's what I promise

>>> What do you need?

<<< sorry, was ordering the ring... Ordered two. Silicone. Love silicone rings. You're all set

>>> CROWLEY

>>> I'm serious!!!

>>> You need to know for sure

<<< trust me angel. Just a bit each day.

>>> I could strangle you

  
  


<<< yeah, I'm serious, you want the tracking number?

>>> Don't you know how important this is? I mean - you?

<<< you're being scary again and it hurts.

>>> Not that! I mean - what if I am not right for you

>>> I'm trying to protect you from going too fast

>>> I'm sorry

<<< I trust you and you want to strangle me

>>> I am

>>> Not literally strangle

>>> I am just trying to make sure you are safe. From me, too, I guess.

<<< should I distrust you?

<<< see the flaw here? Should I trust you if you say you're untrustworthy. This is some lovely dilemma there

>>> No

>>> Are you sure you didn't meet my grandfather

>>> You should distrust everyone really

>>> A moderate amount

<<< at Sinai. When the Torah was given

<<< all Jews were there

>>> Now I do want to strangle you

>>> Explains why I wasn't

<<< stop scaring me

>>> When those rings arrive, put them away

<<< I love you here, you were inside all of my holes, and you keep telling me scary stuff

>>> Put them away and don't bring them out until the world is safe

<<< oh, they are being shipped to your place

>>> And trust me but don't trust me without some kind of - of caution

>>> Then I will put them away

>>> I can love you and love you with all I am and still not be right or good enough for you

>>> Case in point with the scaring you

<<< no angel, I can't do that. I trust you. Slept with you, was at my most vulnerable next to you and if you stop threatening me with untimely death I might calm down

>>> I wouldn't actually hurt you. It's a figure of speech

<<< you calm me down. Now

<<< perhaps. Scared. Calm me down

>>> I don't know how

>>> All I can say is I love you so much I would

>>> I would protect you even if it killed me

<<< alright no it's not working

<<< too much death

>>> Crowley

<<< see how it's done

>>> You say I'm good and right but look at how easily I can upset you when I'm trying to love you

<<< Crowley my love I'm being very silly here, forgive me, I just miss you so much and I'm upset and don't really know what I'm saying

<<< yes, angel and were I a bit younger I'll tell you to fuck off and never look my way again

<<< but I'm not a bit younger and I want us to work

<<< and yeah, I get it, you make a misstep and you think that's it, all ruined

<<< I feel that too

<<< but I also feel that you're important to me

>>> I don't want you to think I am perfect. I am not perfect.

>>> I need you to know I am not. But I still love you. And - well - like now that you'll tell me when I am being a fucking idiot

<<< mad hatter is perfect

  
  


>>> I am not perfect and I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to feel you need to keep promises you made me if it turns out to be a bad idea

<<< all the rest I just pale imitations

>>> And I was trying to be sweet and good for you

>>> And and

<<< and freaked me out

>>> And let you tell me when I'm wrong and give you that

>>> Space to

>>> Really know you mean it

<<< I'm pregnant

>>> I want to marry you, too, but I need to know you know me properly

>>> You're lying

>>> Right?

<<< shit

>>> ANTHONY J CROWLEY

<<< I hoped to shock you back into your normal fussy state

>>> YOU SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF ME

>>> THAT IS NOT FUNNY

<<< it's not

<<< it's just effective

<<< also I wouldn't have known so early so don't worry

>>> I take it back

>>> I did have a heart attack

<<< no way

>>> I think we should go to sleep before we get any more cross

<<< list me your symptoms

>>> No

<<< yes

>>> Crowley

<<< or I'll order a wedding cake

<<< and have it delivered to you

  
  


>>> Crowley stop it

>>> I try to propose to you and you get upset with me and we fight. So much for synchronicity.

<<< hey

<<< Ezra

>>> Crowley

<<< dream a little dream of me

>>> I don't think I can dream of anything else

>>> I love you so much I am terrified of hurting you, so terrified I hurt you anyway, and so sorry, and I only want to make you happy and keep you safe, and I am stupid and old and drunk and all of those things and if you forgive me and know I am this bad but still want me around I will do everything I can to keep you safe and loved and happy

>>> And I will try so very very very had to be what you want and need and I will marry you and make a home for you and feed you and hold you and kiss you and cook for you and read poems to you and watch movies with you

>>> And anything you want. Just. Don't let me hurt you. I mean. I don't know what I mean. Just that I'm madly, madly in love with you and I don't know how to be someone who is in love and I am trying and I am afraid, so very afraid.

<<< I'm having some heart issues too.

>>> I didn't mean to

<<< be you. Stay you. I'll call you in the morning.

>>> I'm sorry

<<< oh no it's tap dancing

>>> I love you. If you still love me in the morning, call me.

<<< very happy

>>> I don't see why, I'm a miserable fool

<<< love you silly angel

>>> Love you more

<<< miserable old fool is what I most need in life. Sleep tight

>>> You too


	6. Swim off and anchor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a misunderstanding  
> That resolves with a happy ending  
> Now with toilet paper   
> Laptop and vibrator  
> They play Scrabble and drink Brandy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some sex talk, but not detailed and mostly got humour.   
> Also they have an argument and do silly shit.

>>> Crowley. I know I'm not kosher but you don't need to order pepperoni on my pizza.

>>> Also you don't need to order me pizza, even if it's very sweet.

>>> I was very confused when the door kept ringing and then the pizza delivery person waved at me from across the road and told me it was for me. YOU are the one who needs to remember to eat, not me!

>>> I love you very much you silly tree

>>> I don't know how you thought they could write your name in circular sausage sections. They wrote it on the inside of the box instead and drew a smiling face so they did their best.

>>> I'm terribly sorry about last night. I was maudlin drunk on red wine and I should know better. All I could think about was not being good enough for you and I just wanted to protect you from me which seems foolish and sensible at the same time

>>> And you clearly aren't awake yet so I should stop making your phone vibrate if you have it on vibrate because you probably need to sleep and I don't need you EVERY hour I'm awake. Just most of them.

<<< morning, angel.

<<< They should have cut circles, it's totally possible

<<< I woke up and remembered there is you, now I'm happy

<<< Just wanted to I don't know give you something from me in the morning the options are limited these days

>>> You're crazy and I love you

<<< oh that's great. Keep talking. Was the pizza any good?

>>> [IMG]

>>> Delicious and the rest is for later

>>> Now you need to give me your address so I can send you things. I'm too far to send chicken soup

<<< [location]

<<< looks good, the pizza

<<< did you read anything you want to tell me about during the night /morning?

>>> Uhm

>>> Maybe

<<< tease

>>> [ https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/give-notice ](https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships/give-notice)

<<< oh…

>>> It's currently not even legal

<<< non fiction

<<< I approve

<<< wot???

>>> Which is a really odd thing to say

<<< WOOOOT

>>> You need to give 29 days notice but you can't even give notice right now

<<< angel, we need to elope

>>> So your

<<< before you change your mind

>>> Also illegal

>>> Travel ban

>>> Have to live in sin

>>> I'm guessing you can have Jewish gay marriages seeing as your mothers....

>>> But regardless you'd need to wait 29 days after the whole thing lifts before it would even be possible so you have plenty of time to get cold feet

>>> G-d making sure you do consider it? Or reassuring me

<<< angel, I asked you to marry me about an hour after I met you.

<<< Then we had some very topological lovemaking

<<< I'm ok, warm feet. Found Cheerios and some milk…

>>> Good!

>>> Well you might know your heart and I'm not saying it's wrong, just saying my own anxiousness means I want to do right by you

<<< you do so right by me

<<< what do you want to do today? Scrabble?

>>> And have you shamelessly beat me with your scientific prowess?

>>> But sure of course. I also want to go for a walk, maybe we could do it at the same time

<<< chess ? Go?

<<< we can go for a walk?

<<< can I go for a walk to you?

>>>I'm a bit far to walk TO but we could have our phones and say what we can see

<<<I'm afraid I'll walk into something

<<< don't want to go out tbh

<<< want to cuddle here

<<< or to dig my way to you

<<< or anything

<<< what would they do if I came to you?

>>> Nothing if you then stayed

>>> But what if I walk and tell you what I see and

>>> You discuss it with me

<<< anything you want

<<< so... If I'm stopped with my big bag and stuff, what do I say?

>>> You ever watch that show with the... Skyrim style helmet and the beard and the elf

<<< and then you can't throw me out until the end of the lockdown

>>> That you're moving in with your boyfriend, but I'm in London, Crowley

>>> Most dangerous place

<<< I don't know that show and whatever

<<< Well... So... I shouldn't try to come to you?

<<< I'm hurt

<<< You don't want me to come to your rescue?

>>> Knightmare. That's it. With the mask.

>>> I don't want to risk your health! We should think about where it's best to get to things like food

<<< I order mine online. I mean, moms signed me up and now unless I confirm the order on the phone, I get nothing, and those people called me already to ask if I liked the lemon curd. I said, yes, sure, I'll love it when I find it.

<<< where do you think it can be?

>>> Well

>>> I need to think about it

>>> I don't really want to abandon my shop to looters

>>> Not that my books are going to be stolen but they might be vandalised

>>> Can I have a shower before we plan our future home???

<<< oh I didn't know house planning was on the menu

<<< I demand dirty dick picks

<<< and washed dick picks

>>> I am not putting my penis in soil

>>> I know it goes on about seed and so on but I am not about to impregnate a plant pot

  
  


<<< I don't know if you should .... Can I be your soil?

>>> I would prefer that

<<< the port of all your ships

<<< also no need to talk pregnancy all the time. 

<<< I've just had my t shot

>>> Anthony, love of my life, if you keep this up I will wank myself dry and then collapse into a coma

>>> I was making a joke rather than planning to get you pregnant but point taken

<<< wank yourself, darling. Do it.

<<< be careful

<<< but if you're in a coma, I can come to your aid

<<< medical emergency and all

>>> I don't want to wank

<<< well, I did

<<< so far twice

>>> I want to take cold showers until you're here

>>> Oh

<<< I thought of you

<<< was very concentrated

<<< you did some wicked things to me

<<< buggered me

>>> What did you think of

>>> And you called me insatiable and you've done it twice

<<< can go multiple times, can't see any reason to stop at one

<<< piv, buggery, and oh the miracle of your mouth

<<< oh that's three

>>> Oh fuck

>>> I will die if you keep this up

>>> Here I am trying to be sensible and

>>> [IMG]

<<< you're beautiful, angel

<<< want your mouth on my arse

<<< want your mouth anywhere really

<<< want your mouth

>>> Want

>>> Want you to fuck me

>>> Maybe you use a toy to fuck me into you

<<< the tracking number says my big bad dick is on the way

>>> Get you one with a remote control

>>> Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

<<< but I want one up my cunt, one up arse

>>> Yours? Mine?

>>> Fuck it fuck every damn hole all at once

<<< I want yours up my arse and a toy up my cunt

>>> Okay I need

>>> I need to either cool down or get in the shower or

<<< can I use two on your arse? I think I can... Pornhub says so. Shouldn't trust it. Stoya said I shouldn't, gotta trust her

>>> Stoya?

>>> You can do two. Just. Gotta lube

<<< my favourite performer. She's smart. Witty as Wilde

>>> Oh

<<< we're just really hot stuffed peppers, angel. Full of each other

<<< you know porn lost its appeal

<<< They have too few soft angels I could rock on my silicone delights

>>> You can put anything you want up my arse

<<< anything? I think you'd go lovely with honey and vodka

<<< soy sauce

<<< I'll eat you with sauce

<<< honey and vodka though...

<<< want you to eat me with avocado

<<< and peaches

>>> Gladly though it's not good on front parts

>>> Flavoured lube or all over your chest yes

<<< ok... I'll eat you with anything

  
  


>>> No sugar on real bits

>>> I mean crotch bits

<<< you're full of sugar yourself

  
  


>>> I love you so much I hate you at times because now I have

>>> [IMG]

<<< oh, I'll eat it for lunch

<<< and dinner

<<< conjecture: if I were with you now, we'd never get dressed

<<< would walk around the house naked

>>> Only put on bathrobes to get deliveries

>>> You are terrible and I love you

>>> Are there things you -- don't want to do?

>>> Or do want to do?

<<< don't want any rough play

<<< want us vanilla like ice cream

>>> What about soft... but slow and long? Not harsh but

>>> I mean

>>> [IMG]

>>> So I keep going for longer...

>>> Or....

<<< oh yeah, slow and long

<<< very long

L>>> [IMG]

>>> I think maybe this, too... sounding.... You - er - does that look like anything you'd like?

<<< just imagine me sitting on your cock during the director's cut of lord of the rings

<<< oh... No, no sounding. Unless it's for you... I don't want any for me

>>> With my hands all over you and you riding me slowly

>>> For me

<<< anything for you, angel

>>> You could fuck my actual penis with things... I mean only if you wanted to

>>> Turn everything inside out

<<< won't even ride you. Just LL keep you inside

<<< I'll do anything for you, angel

<<< totally will suck your cock during Eliot Gardiner's rendition of Monteverdi's Vespers…

>>> Fuck

>>> I'm

<<< just 90 minutes of a dirty Jew sucking your cock to Catholic singing

>>> I'm trying to not touch myself while we talk

>>> See how long I can last

<<< touch yourself. Now

>>> I

>>> I want it not to stop

<<< oh I'll suck you for 90 minutes

>>> Crowley

<<< yes?

<<< I turned it on. I intent to keep sucking you well into Magnificent

<<< magnificat

>>> Sitting on my cock and me stroking you slowly all the way through all three movies

<<< definitely

<<< I'll definitely ravish you through any Wagner's opera... Dirty anti-Semite

<<< it's just so sweet and intimate. Being together. Inside each other. Undisturbed

>>> Maybe you'll fuck me and I won't be able to come because you put me in a ring, in a cage... so you can bugger me for hours and hours and we kiss and cuddle

>>> Driving me insane but knowing you're just as insane

<<< no cages. A ring, maybe. But no cages. Want you happy and satisfied

<<< I know! My mouth on you, and a dildo up your butt

<<< I'll suck you for hours.

<<< I guess I can do that

<<< came five times

<<< overall

<<< love you, angel

>>> You will end me I swear

>>> I need a shower

<<< anything, angel

<<< it's so great that we're together

>>> And I'm going for a walk and I am going to see if the kosher bakery place is actually open

<<< hope it isn't. Stay with me, angel, stay with me

>>> Before any decisions I need to know where stuff is and if I could even feed you

>>> I'm still with you

>>> But I need to check

<<< you can feed me

<<< YOUR COCK

>>> CROWLEY

<<< I'm pretty good at dirty talk

>>> HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK I CAN MAKE YOU COME

<<< me? A lot

  
  


>>> I'm leaving the house!!! So please be aware I can't walk with a stiffie and I also can't wank off in the streets

<<< don't go angel

>>> Do I need to give you things to do so you stop trying to kill me with your libido?

<<< stay with me

>>> I need milk

<<< then come to me

<<< I've got plenty of milk

>>> It's day two of lockdown my darling

>>> I told you I am trying to work out where is best

<<< you know what, fuck them all, I'm coming to you

<<< with my laptop, clothes and milk

>>> CROWLEY NO

>>> For one thing you have dicks coming in the post

<<< so what?

<<< want you angel

>>> Don't you dare come to London unless I know it's safe

<<< not the sex you

>>> You have the non sex me

<<< I want to be with you

<<< smell you and hold you

<<< no angel, I want to come

<<< you told me I could come

<<< could move in with you

<<< and now you're saying I can't

<<< I don't understand

<<< I want you, I love you

<<< you told me you want and love me too

<<< I'm on my way

>>> CROWLEY NO

>>> DO NOT COME TO LONDON

<<< why?

<<< I miss you

<<< it's that simple

>>> I'm buying milk. Don't you dare come

<<< so if I show up at your step, what'll you do

>>> Crowley stop it

>>> I'm standing in a queue with us all neurotically spread out and everyone is looking at me

<<< they're looking at you bc you're pretty

>>> No because I'm nearly having a melt down in Tescos metro

<<<why are you having a melt?

>>> Do you know how dangerous the Tube is right now?!

<<< why is it dangerous?

>>> People crammed in like sardines on petri dishes on wheels in the infection hotbed of the country?!

<<< m young and strong

>>> Anyone can die from this

>>> I've been reading the statistics

>>> Crowley please don't risk your life over this

<<< what do you want angel

<<< you say you miss me

<<< and want me to move in

>>> I want this fucking thing to fuck off and I want you safe

<<< and then you find a thousand excuses to not let me

>>> I don't want you to just up and walk in on me without thinking about it seriously

>>> Have you read the news?

<<< when will I stop believing ppl?

<<< no wrong

<<< never believed anyone before you

<<< you normal lot

<<< say things you don't mean and expect everyone to half believe you

<<< I'm going home angel

<<< I don't know what you did to me that I believed you

<<< everyone was right. Who would ever want me

<<< fuck you all

<<< what's your gain though?

<<< like, you just then gather and tell each other stories of how you fucked someone stupid and mad? 

<<< shouldn't have loved you

<<< shouldn't have talked to you

>>> You're right, I just spent the last hour sobbing in my bathtub over the thought of you fucking dying and it being my fault

>>> Obviously the actions of someone who really doesn't care about you at all 

>>> And I told you I'd piss you off, or upset you, and you'd stop saying you loved me as fast as you said you did

<<< hi, this is Leah. Boy told me he'd kill me if I text you

<<< but he's just being dramatic

<<< he's back in Oxford

>>> I'm no good for him

<<< relatively alright

<<< well. That's for you two to decide

>>> What do you mean 'back' in Oxford

<<< but I wanted to tell you and was demanded to do so by my wife that he's a dramatic arse

<<< he was on his way to you

>>> IDIOT BOY DOESN'T HE KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS

<<< he's in love and a fool in general

<<< he's a dear

<<< just you know. Autistic, ADHD

>>> I'm going to throw up

<<< does his mental health make you sick?

<<< than mb you're right

>>> No

>>> The thought of him being sick because of me does

<<< he's been different, as they call it, since he was born

>>> London is dangerous

>>> It's nothing to do with his mental health, or maybe it is, if he risks his physical health

>>> I was trying to work out what to do and he just decided without asking and I was

>>> I'm barely responsible for myself let alone another human

<<< he wanted to be with you. Said he couldn't breathe if you weren't there with him. I really can't find his asthma medicine... But it must be somewhere with him, we sneaked it in two years ago

>>> But he decided to do it while I hadn't even worked out if it was possible

<<< he'll be sorry.

<<< I bet he is already

<<< just too crestfallen to admit it

<<< look, I don't mean to interfere, you guys will figure out what to do. I'll tell you two things.

<<< first, he's never been in love before you.

<<< second, whatever you consider a given, is not so for him.

<<< he thinks that if you say you want him with you, then you want him with you and he's welcome

>>> But I

>>> I do want him

>>> But I don't want him jumping on a death train to get to me

<<< yes, but he doesn't think so.

>>> When I can't even work out if I can feed him here

<<< he thinks he has to be with you bc otherwise you'd suffer

>>> He hardly gave me time to tell him that! I was in the shop

<<< you can feed him bacon with cheese, as long as he eats

>>> I don't even know that I can feed me yet

<<< Sara and I are menaces of Oxford. Each of his mentors had to make sure he ate something. A nut per day. He doesn't feel it. He's just ok, yeah, haven't eaten in two days, boom, fainted

<<< when he fainted during his anatomy course it was alright

<<< but in topology nb could help him

>>> How am I supposed to look after him when this is all happening??

>>> Not that I don't want to

>>> But what if I fuck it up

<<< you don't have to.

>>> Leah I love your son but I

<<< it's an act of love

<<< oh, I love him too. He's a handful though

>>> I want to but I can't not do it right

>>> And I can't even get milk in without freaking out myself

<<< oh boy, you're both so stupid

<<< I say it with love

<<< this is Sara. Fuck off!

<<< ok, pay no attention to that, my wife is just very protective

<<< having a kid in one's forties does things to you

>>> I don't know what to do

<<< breathe. Eat.

>>> Now your wife hates me too

<<< pray if you feel like it

<<< she hates everyone including that flowerbed in our garden where Crowley split his chin when he was two

<<< he's not easy. And she's... She wants him safe and so fucking loved he can't breathe

<<< I bet you heard about the soup

<<< gosh, I heard a space opera about the soup

<<< here I am, having phone sex with my boyfriend and then soup etc etc

>>> He

>>> Oh no

>>> Look just

<<< He's not a regular hot guy.

>>> Don't let him come to London

>>> I had figured that out

<<< I can't do that

<<< he's 30. Our time to stop him is long gone

>>> I want to make sure he's happy and safe but I can't just fix the world

<<< he's safe

>>> And if I hurt him this much over a bloody shopping trip

>>> Am I helping him at all

<<< he drank a lot of scotch and passed out telling me how pretty your arse is

>>> I am so sorry.

<<< haven't heard so much about arses since my last gastro appointment

<<< you shouldn't 

<<< he's in love. He's hurting. He thinks he has to move heaven and Earth for you.

<<< and if he doesn't, then he's no usr

<<< I just wanted to make sure you understand.

<<< he'll always be a handful

>>> And what if I'm not good enough with the two I have

<<< he thinks you're enough

>>> He deserves better than some idiot who can't cope

>>> I've just proven otherwise

<<< he deserves any idiot he chooses

<<< he chose you

<<< you've proven you care

<<< he'll come back crawling and begging for forgiveness

<<< you don't have to forgive him

<<< he has to know there are ppl who can't handle him

<<< it's alright

<<< Sara will hate you, but I told you about the flowerbed.

<<< I won't hate you

<<< boy is hard.

<<< but he loves fiercely

>>> :(

>>> I just

>>> Want to be as good as he deserves and I know I am being stupid but

>>> A month ago I didn't even know him and the world was normal

>>> And now I'm apparently considering if I have to start triaging my books for toilet paper

>>> And if he needs someone together and sensible then apparently I am not as good at that as I should be

<<< he needs a person he chose

<<< He deserves to choose

<<< look he was four, our rose bush was dying. We had a professional gardener for the bush and a psychologist for boy

<<< he said Kaddish for that fucking bush for a bloody year

<<< he sat Shivah for it

<<< and... That's him. You're his rose bush now

<<< he thinks he has to be there for you. It's stupid, foolish and mad.

<<< but that's how his brain works

<<< all or nothing

>>> Will he ever talk to me again

<<< he will

<<< a lot

<<< angel, I'm very sorry it was inappropriate, I was inappropriate

<<< please forgive me

<<< even if you don't want me anymore, just please forgive me

<<< I know, I guess, how it sounds, and that I'm stupid

<<< but please forgive me

<<< I wanted to be next to you

<<< I didn't think of anything else

<<< I'll never do that again

<<< I'm so sorry

<<< I won't say I love you, bc I was mean and terrible

<<< but I love you

<<< will never talk to me again, right? Ruined everything... That's what I do

>>> Crowley

>>> I love you so much I went wandering around in a pandemic trying to see where I could get food for you, then started crying in Tescos over the toilet roll aisle, and then the thought of you on the Tube getting sick

>>> And then everyone was staring at me and I could barely see my phone and then I thought how can I look after you when toilet roll makes me freak out and what if I make you sick and then you were doing dangerous things

>>> I just

>>> I'm not accusing or complaining I

>>> I'm apologising for not knowing what to do, or say, or

>>> It isn't because of you or who you are it's because I don't know what my world is right now and all I could think about was if you got hurt or sick and

>>> Of course I will talk to you, if you still want to

<<< I didn't want to

<<< I thought that was it

<<< I'm sorry

<<< but can't stop thinking of you

<<< miss you even more now

<<< wanted to be with you

<<< mom told me she talked to you

<<< hope they didn't say anything terrible

<<< I'm a mess, I know

<<< I shouldn't have imposed but missed you

<<< thought you meant immediately, to come to you

<<< wanted to take care of you

<<< wanted to be there for you

<<< didn't want to be a Chekhov's character

<<< and just miss on the best shot on togetherness I could ever get, with you

>>> I just didn't want you getting sick on the tube and ending up in the most dangerous place in the country

>>> One of your mothers now hates me forever for making you cry

>>> I was just overwhelmed with trying to juggle it all at once

<<< I'm so sorry

<<< She doesn't. Was the flowerbed mentioned? It's still there. My best tbh

>>> I do want to be with you but I want to do it in the safest, sanest way possible for both of us and I was freaking out because I couldn't think through everything all at once

<<< ok, so no surprises

>>> Yes

>>> She told me to fuck off. Which I deserved

<<< won't risk my health for you

<<< no, you didn't

>>> No surprises that risk your life in a pandemic

>>> Or at all

<<< fuck angel you still love me how come I deserve you

>>> Or at least, give me a minimum of an hour to work out what the plan is??? Please???

<<< Sara hates everyone who has ever tried/harmed me

<<< I swear, angel

>>> Let's work on the pros and cons of each thing and come up with a safe answer

>>> And please don't think I was turning you away, I wasn't

>>> And I'm sorry you thought I was

>>> I guess I am not good at speaking Tree yet and also I 

>>> I think maybe I am more worried by what's happening than usual

<<< I'm sorry love

<<< I'm sorry

<<< There could be no one but you for me

<<< I could come to you. Say I was coming back to my boyfriend

<<< do you want me

>>> You can, it's just - I don't want you on the tube

<<< cab? Anything

>>> I don't know if I can get you a taxi or what but also I still don't even know if London is the place we should be

>>> And I wasn't even sure you'd even want to talk to me again an hour ago

<<< we'll be in your shop, safe and sound

<<< oh no

<<< I screwed it all

>>> No

>>> We both did stupid things and didn't communicate very well

>>> But it's not

>>> I think we have to understand that will happen

>>> And try not to let it go to the - to that level - but

>>> I think a pandemic and quarantine is something of a situation neither of us has had time to think about or plan for yet

<<< I just want to be with you and cling to you and never let go

<<< Bc if I do...

<<< There's nobody like you. I want you. Only you.

>>> Me too

>>> We will be together soon okay? Just. Let me look into it

>>> And please, just - just know I'm going to fuck up alright? 'Normal' people aren't all that normal you know. Especially when faced with things like this. And - and

>>> I'm not going to be the perfect thing you think I am, and you should know that about me. But that I will try and I will fuck up but it isn't because I hate you or don't love you, it's because I am not as good as I wish I was. 

>>> And if you can forgive me and try to work with me, I can do the same

<<< anything. Will never be cross with you again

>>> When you say I'm perfect, I panic, because I know I am not, and I worry when you see how imperfect I am, that it will ruin this for you. I want you to fall in love with a real person, not your... ideal image of one

<<< I want you

>>> No, you will be cross with me, and you should be

>>> Because I will fuck up. But I will try to do better. Be cross with me, and forgive me

<<< I'll never react like that though

<<< I'll try, I'll do anything

>>> That would be preferable!!!!

<<< need you angel

>>> So will I. Please talk to your mothers before you pack.

>>> Talk to them about the fact you want to and I want you to, and make sure you pack what you need. And then I will see how to get you safely here. Okay?

<<< I will. Should I pack? Can I come to you?

>>> Not because you need their permission but because they worry about you and will remember things you might forget

>>> You can but we do it sensibly okay?

<<< just tell me what to do

<<< Ll do anything

>>> First go talk to your mothers, then maybe ask them for help with a list

>>> I will see what I can do about transport

<<< I talked to them bc you insisted. I froze all my food, I packed my laptop

>>> Clothes? Chargers? Meds?

<<< everything.

>>> Did they also say it's everything?

<<< they said, and I quote, take your meds and your thesis, he has everything else including a functioning brain

>>> I'm not so sure it's functioning but I'll do my best

<<< compared to mine, angel, you're functioning just fine

<<< I'm so scared I almost lost you

>>> You didn't nearly lose me at all

>>> We were both too dumbly in love to know what to do or say

>>> Can you get a train to one of the closer stations, not central London?

<<< yeah. And then what?

<<< do I need to dig? To murder?

>>> Then you get in the taxi I ordered

>>> And you try not to let them cough on you

>>> On your way you can redirect parcels if possible

>>> Maybe inform Royal Mail of your temporary mailing redirect too

<<< redirected all the dildos to you

<<< I'm ready to go

<<< may I?

>>> Text or forward me your ETA and let me know when you are half an hour from the destination please darling

>>> And go kiss your mothers then yes

<<< not going to them, angel

<<< want your kisses

<<< tongue and all

>>> I meant like, kiss on cheek to them

>>> Not tongues

>>> I get your tongue

<<< oh you will

<<< love you

>>> Is Sara going to hate me for the rest of my life?

<<< nah

<<< I mean, she still hates that flowerbed

>>> That means yes, then

<<< and refuses to talk to ppl who bullied me 20 years ago

<<< she'll come around

<<< she's like you, angel. Loyal to a fault

>>> You do inspire it in those who love you, you know

>>> Pack any special foods you might want - well things you eat - and... and I'm going to go buy everything I can think of

>>> BRING ANY TOILET ROLL YOU HAVE it is like gold dust

<<< had to repack my bag

<<< now it's my laptop, some clothes and a shitload of toilet paper

<<< some beans

<<< on my way to the station angel hope to see you soon

<<< I'm so lucky to have you


	7. Natural conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bee and the tree reunited at last  
> Decide they're moving insufficiently fast  
> They kiss and hold hands  
> Get rid of their pants  
> And then they most vehemently thrust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of sex in this one, and Ezra and Crowley have Socrates-worth dialogue during it. Plot wise, Crowley returns to Ezra, moms worry, everything is fine

"Officer... yes, thank you... I'm sorry, he just gets excited. Crowley? Crowley... the nice officer is trying to help, please don't worry her..."

"Not worrying anyone." Crowley grumped. "Just sat here and refused to move. What's wrong with it?"

"We were just making sure you're okay," the officer said, with an air of Extreme Patience (TM) that her partner clearly had even less of.

"There is a lockdown in order," he snapped. "Lucky we're not writing you up with a fine."

Ezra smiled awkwardly. "My boyfriend was just trying to get back to me, that's all. He wasn't breaking any rules."

"And now he's here, will you move along?" the first officer asked, with that ever-so-slightly condescending but-unaware tone.

Crowley scooted behind Ezra but retained the air of an extremely dangerous person.

"Angel, what do they want from me? I want to stay with my boyfriend. What's wrong with it? Love is never illegal!"

"They're just concerned about you, that's all. They're trying to keep you safe, but they don't know you," Ezra soothed, stroking Crowley's arm. "You're happy to come back to the flat now, aren't you?"

"I'm so fucking happy. Wanna go home, angel." Crowley carefully stepped behind Ezra and kept walking back, closer to the door.

"Alright. So you understand the restrictions?" the female officer asked. "And you're both fine?"

"Perfectly fine. He just had to move in here long term, once we got the living arrangements settled, and it's obviously been very stressful... thank you so much for looking out for him. But - ah - if that's all?"

"Yeah, whatever." The man kicked at some rubbish. "Don't do it again."

"Most assuredly not..." Ezra nodded again, and backed them both into the shop. Then grabbed Crowley by the shoulders and yanked him in for a hug.

"I missed you. I missed you so much..." Crowley nuzzled Ezra's neck. "Wanted you... Love you."

"Darling... come and sit down on the couch with me... would you like some tea while you tell me about the journey?" He stroked his hair, his nape, his shoulders... breathing in his scent and reassuring himself of the heat and weight of him.

"No, want you. Only you. I was so scared... I'd punch them. But shouldn't punch the police. You smell so good, angel. I missed you. You're mine." Crowley held Ezra so tightly it was difficult to breathe

"You didn't punch them, and that's right. They were trying to help, even though they didn't know how." Ezra winced a little, and nudged at one of the arms to lighten up, then scooped long legs up and across his lap so they could cuddle closer. "You're here now, and you're safe, and you're where you're meant to be."

"Can I just stay? Here, with you? I'll behave!"

"Yes, my darling. You can, you can." Ezra kissed at Crowley's cheek. "I have another present for you."

"Need nothing, angel... Here with you. You... Fuck, how I missed you. Should have never left." Crowley grabbed at Ezra, searched for more touch, more skin, more intimacy.

"Look inside my left pocket," Ezra chuckled, as fingers wandered around him, and he tucked him in closer. "I think you will like this one."

Crowley fumbled with Ezra's right pocket, then caught himself and went for the left one.

"It's the best I could get in the shops, I know it's a little childish, but it made me smile..."

"It's not childish, it's absolutely perfect and I want to be buried with it," Crowley said holding two keys on a keyring that said they made a perfect "pear".

"How about we don't talk about death for a while, but... Now it's official. You can come and go. I mean. When it's legal to..." Ezra pushed Crowley's face into his shoulder again. 

"I'd been thinking about it before we even discussed it."

"Sure... Kiss me before I start hopping around like the happy loon I am."

Ezra cradled the back of his head, holding it where he needed, but just... Looking. With utterly besotted eyes. And smiling. "But I don't want to stop looking at you."

"Alright," agreed Crowley. "That's lovely too. I... You are so beautiful. I missed you. Intend to stay with you forever and a day."

"That's fortunate. I intend it to be forever and two days." He ran fingers over his hairline. "Crowley, I... I don't know what to even say..."

"Neither do I. Love looking at you. I thought I remembered how beautiful you are, but nah, you're even more beautiful. I have a bag full of toilet paper by the way."

"Thank you. It's all gone from the shops and I really don't want to use the books. I sent you an email with the router password and how to work the central heating. I also labelled the kitchen best I can."

He whorled a stay strand around a finger, smiling widely. Almost painful. "I got all the board games still on the shelves and a pack of cards and all the lube I was allowed to buy."

Crowley fumbled, stumbled, tumbled, climbed over Ezra's lap and held his head to his neck. 

"I missed you. That's it, that's that stupid normal people mistake everyone always makes! And we didn't make it. We knew we fit and we went with it, I'm so proud of you, Ezra, so very proud."

Eyes closing, Ezra pressed their foreheads softly together, arms wrapped around the snake of a man in his lap. 

"I couldn't have done it without you. You make me want to be better."

"Nah... You hungry, angel?" Asked Crowley into Ezra's neck.

"Always... Are you?" Ezra was surprised by the question, and then giggled at the tickly breath.

"I'll eat with you... Gladly. I'll even eat as much as you!" Proclaimed Crowley sitting up and beaming. "You make it all seem pleasant. Can I watch you cook? Am I a creep?"

"You're a darling, and it's very romantic. You can watch, then after, perhaps we can watch the next movie, and maybe you'll sit between my legs the whole way through, just cuddling?"

"Yes. Love that. I'll do the dishes." He scooted back to get up and smiled down at Ezra.

"What would you like to eat? A nice risotto? Omelette? I have some very nice chocolates for the movie..."

"Hm... I'll have what you're having. Come on, let's do it!"

* * *

The meal was a little rough and ready, a few substitutions from the recipe, but he threw in as much spices and fresh veg as he could. Ezra made sure he joined in talking enough to make sure there were pauses that Crowley would eat it whilst still warm. He kept nudging his foot under the table, and smiled like the utterly love-struck fool he was. 

"You should let me know if there's anything you can't or don't want to eat - I mean, non-religiously - and also if there's anything you need to do, or... soaps... razors... do you need me to order you anything? Will you be able to get your prescriptions filled locally?"

Asking questions probably wasn't the best talking option because Crowley was chewing, meticulously for once, but found it utterly impossible to make Ezra wait, so he swallowed everything, choked on something, downed a glass of water and paced the kitchen.

"I mean... I have enough meds for a few months, brought them all with me. Had to send the picture of your underpants to my gp too... Sorry, angel, they didn't believe me... I have a razor, state of the art thing, has more settings than a NASA computer, mind you... I love your soap... Also, you... And your cooking. I'll do the dishes." He turned on his heels and rushed to the sink.

"Crowley," Ezra called, softly but firmly. "You haven't finished..." He tapped a finger to the table without any frustration. 

"If you want, we can contact them together and work out electronic prescriptions to a local pharmacy for the meantime. Or I can do it on your behalf if you'd rather - I don't mind either way."

Crowley sharply turned, soap dripping off his hands on the floor. "Shit. I'm sorry. Excited. Silly... We can, yes, I'd love us to contact them... I can do it on my own. I didn't finish eating... And I soaped up your floor. Wow." He swiftly wiped his hands dry, cleaned the floor and returned to the table. "I'm sorry."

"You're excited and cramming in all the moving in into a short window. It's perfectly... Hah. 'Normal'? Even if you think that word is an insult..."

He reached over, squeezing a hand. "And now my floor has a free cleaning too."

"No... It's... Not an insult, no. I was angry and probably I should apologise only once a day, otherwise I'll apologise all the time. I'm just... Worried. I'll screw it. I won't. But I will. Oh fuck. I'll eat." He promised.

Ezra lifted his hand and kissed the back of his hand, then placed it down on the cutlery. "I'm lightly teasing you, my dear. I don't want 'normal'. If there's such a thing as it. But I was trying to... To say, what you're doing? It isn't wrong. Or unexpected. Doesn't even need an apology. It's just you."

"And you are impeccably tender, Ezra." Crowley muttered. "Thank you."

"No... thank you for putting up with me, and being yourself." He got up to finish the tidying, then his hands found Crowley's shoulders to massage as he finished eating the last few bites. "I would like to feed you chocolates while we watch the next movie. Just. Cuddle in bed and watch together. I want to spend hours just holding you. Getting to know you, all of you. Where you like to be touched, where you're ticklish... are you ticklish?"

"We'll have to find out," Crowley replied looking at Ezra over his shoulder. "I doubt I can stuff anymore food in me, but if I could feed you chocolates... That would be lovely. Yes. Me too. Want the same, all of it. Love you. Could we kiss?"

"Unless my mouth is literally full, you never need to ask about kissing." His knees bent, and he pressed against him, slow and sweet, arms moving to cross over his chest and stroke his pecs playfully.

"You're a tease," Crowley said seriously. "Please kiss me. Or I'll do it."

"You'll kiss yourself? I'd like to watch..."

"There are mirrors for that, angel." Crowley stood up pulling Ezra with him. "I'm kissing you," he warned - and proceeded to snog the soul out of Ezra without any further ado holding Ezra's head in his hands and positively moaning into Ezra's mouth.

Ezra's hands found Crowley's hips - fingers winding and wriggling until he could touch skin - and his eyes closed as he enjoyed the contact. He'd missed him so desperately, and they'd barely been apart. There was no way he was ever letting him leave again.

Crowley hummed in appreciation. He pressed his hands to Ezra's back thus pressing Ezra closer to him and kissing down neck and definitely saying something even he would be unable to decipher.

The older man dropped his head back, offering and surrendering, fingers splaying as he feverishly tried to touch all of him he could without moving at all. "Won't... Won't make it to Rohan if... If you keep that up..."

"Oh, you want a night of passion among horses? Lovely... Horses are very lovely..." Crowley got hyperfocused on Ezra's many buttons so kissing stopped and horses stomped the room. "They have very soft lips... And they crunch so cosily... Love horses. They are not very comfortable to ride but magnificent conversationalists if apples are involved... I bribed my horse into telling the coach I did ride her. Didn't work. The coach saw I hadn't and he couldn't understand horse... Language. The secret is the apples. You feed them apples and... Fuck, I'm ruining it, again... But I unbuttoned all of you!" He beamed pushing Ezra's jacket (1), waistcoat (1), shirt (1) off of his shoulders and congratulated himself on undoing the bow tie without any memory of doing it. "My beautiful, wonderful angel..."

"Please don't kiss horses," Ezra said, urging Crowley's face to his chest, working on a belt buckle with one hand so he could shimmy his palms under tight jeans to squeeze over buttocks. "Maybe we should get to the bed..."

"I never tried... They did. Dirty horses." He hopped to get rid of his offending garments and placed a few kisses on Ezra's chest on the go. On the hop. In flight. "Bed. Yes. Bed is good. Especially a good bed. Yours is the best. Take me to your bed!"

"I could try to carry you, but maybe you'll lead the way and I can pinch your bum as we go? I've been wanting to touch you all over…"

"Why would you pinch me? It's not nice, pinching... You pinched my dick, I remember. It hurt a bit... And didn't, a bit... Ehm... Right. Bed. Good. Let's." He grabbed Ezra's hand and practically ran to the bedroom tugging Ezra along. "What is there to pinch anyway?" He asked climbing up the bed like a very confused caterpillar who was asked to explain how they walked. Now, Crowley had significantly less limbs than a caterpillar but had no idea whatsoever how to use them, especially at the moment, as he examined his body and found no place that could be properly pinched. "Can't pinch me. No. Not even my dick. You bastard. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it and Rohan... I said Kaddish for Theodred, you know? The whole congregation was confused... Although I was twelve they had to get used to me being me and saying... I'm rambling. Ok. Now what?"

"Now you take off all your clothes, I take off mine, and I show you how you pinch nicely," Ezra suggested.

"I'm only wearing... My underpants. No, you do the honours." But Crowley didn't let Ezra do the honours busying himself instead with Ezra's pants. "I'm wearing socks!" Crowley remembered, abandoned Ezra's pants, took off his socks, returned to Ezra's pants, got distracted by more buttons and in the end just collapsed on the bed with Ezra on top. "Angel. Do you need to have so many buttons? Is that supposed to be a challenge for me? My button dragon to defeat?"

"It means you have to work at it," Ezra giggled, throwing away the remaining clothes and (not at all harshly) pinching his cheek. And then his buttock. 

"We can invest in easy access clothing. Maybe I'll get a kilt...."

"No skirts on my watch, please, angel... Hate them skirts. Tools of oppression and tree climbing prevention. You can climb any tree..." Crowley tenderly raffled Ezra's hair. "We can walk around naked for now, can't we? I love you. Fuck, I'm gonna turn that stupid tree into something... A table! Or some dishes... You can make cool dishes from a piece of a tree and fire and..."

"Crowley? I'd be wearing them, not you, but we could just opt for loungewear if we get cold..." He took his hands, then pushed them over his head into the pillows. "Want to see if I can distract you from talking?"

"You could try..." Crowley smiled. "Should you always beam like a fucking sun?" He rocked his hips up.

"If you want to photosynthesise, I must." Ezra used his nose to push Crowley's head back, lips sealing over his throat to suckle and mouth, only vaguely rocking their lower halves together. His hands dragged down to shoulders, to push the heels of his palms into nipples and roll slowly there instead.

"Aw... This... So sweet, so sweet... Angel..." He wrapped his rather endless legs around Ezra's waist. "So sweet and slow..." He pushed Ezra back slightly to look him in the eye. "Like that, you want it? Slow and steady? How about I spoon you and we rock together? You wanted a movie too... My darling." He whispered and shut his eyes.

Dazzling blue eyes lit up like more than just one sun, then, and Ezra kneaded at muscles, catching the crest of some distant wave. "Slow. Everything we've done has been so wonderfully fast that my head spin. But I want... I want your arms around me, your breath on me... I want... I..." He squirmed. "Make love to me? After all, we're pre-engaged, I just gave you the keys to the place..."

Crowley carefully squirmed from under Ezra and opened his arms. "Get in, angel. Make love, definitely. What do you want? Just get in?"

"Everything. Everything, for hours and hours... just..." He pushed his head under Crowley's chin, then flopped over onto his side and shoved his butt backwards. "I just. Need you to hold me. I felt so dreadful without you."

"Oh sweet darling... Angel, angel, angel..." Crowley chanted vining his arms around Ezra, kissing the top of his head. "I'm here now, Ezra... Won't go until you tell me to, and I'd like to see you try... Oh that's creepy." His thin fingers traced Ezra's side and gently, gingerly caressed his thigh and grabbed at a love handle to push Ezra closer. His legs fit perfectly along the lines of Ezra's. "There... I think it was Stanislavsky who said that love is a desire to touch the most points... How are we doing here? I think it's the most we can manage in this position. Now we can't turn the movie on, so we can talk... We might... I don't know. What do you want to talk about?" A few kisses down Ezra's neck and shoulders, a more possessive arm over Ezra's chest. "Not letting you go, me. No siree." A possessive leg over Ezra's waist. "You've been utterly possessed by a vine... I love you."

"I could always use the remote," Ezra chuckled, as he submitted to the tangling, feeling his skin crackle with the jolt of every place they touched. He squirmed his butt even further backwards, and sunk his fingers between the ones on his chest. 

"I'm not sending you anywhere. If I need to piss, I'll... get a chamber pot. Or carry you." He was joking, but only just. His back arched in lordosis, the other hand stroking the leg that pinned him down. "Mmmm. Perfect. You could tell me how many times you've come thinking of me since we first met... have you kept count?"

"Chamber pot... Gross. Grosser than cloacal kiss..." Crowley chuckled and rocked sweetly against Ezra's body. "I came 26 times since we met, which is a magical number, because it's situated between a square and a cube, 25 and 27, and there are no numbers like it. Fermat proved it... " A kiss to Ezra's cheek. "I might have imagined myself having more than one body and crawling all over you..."

"Does that mean we shouldn't go for more? Or are there interesting numbers you want to observe?" He tugged at the knee around him, pulling Crowley flush, spreading him wider ever so slightly, then pulling him in again. "Tell me about these fantasies…

"Mostly it was just me all over you..." Crowley admitted. He propped up on one elbow and looked pensively at the ceiling. "64 is both a square of 8 and a cube of 4. Which is kinda obvious really... But a lovely number all the same... Sorry." He remembered himself and held Ezra back. "I... If I had more bodies, I'd be all over you, that's it. Just... Raining Crowley, hallelujah," he laughed softly.

"One is enough and more than enough... two and I might die from over-work." Ezra nibbled at the curve of his jaw. "69. For less intellectual reasons. And before that, 42, 47..." He pulled at the back of his lover's neck. "In me. Please. Want to feel you."

"I know why 69, and 42 of course... Why 47? It's a prime, alright, but there are prettier primes." Crowley slithered his hand between them and nesting his cock between Ezra's cheeks began to gently prod at Ezra's hole. "Need lube, angel... Hmmm... Why 47?"

"Table..." He had the big, puppy-dog begging eyes down to a fine art. "And it's the number that turns up everywhere in Star Trek. Don't judge me, alright?"

"Table? Oh, that table..." He fumbled over Ezra to reach the bedside table and pull out the bottle. "You know, actually there was once a huge number that was considered the largest known prime but was dividable by 47 in the end... Do I bore you?" Kiss on Ezra's nose, fingers coated in lube, one sliding easily get inside. "Watched Star Trek with moms... Sara is a Cohen, and Spock's greeting is a Cohen blessing... But other than that. To little ... Substance. Oh, angel, so tight... You're my tightest prime number."

"Bett-er than where I... was... easier than... thinking about the issues in the... actual world. And..." He bit his lip, groaning at the subtle stretch. "Metaphor. Please... don't stop. Crowley..." He was nearly clawing the bed, hips rutting into thin air, but he didn't want anything to make this end too fast. "P-plus... tight jump-suits. Nnnnnghhh. Mirror universe... everyone gay... wicked... leather and facial hair..."

"Hm... 47 is also a strictly non-palindromic number. Can you imagine? Shh, angel, I've got you." The second finger made its way in, and to nest his own erection closer to Ezra, Crowley thrust gently and cooed at his lover's moan. "So you love space gays... Am I space enough for you?" He asked sincerely and worriedly.

"Ohhh, you're much closer than space... oh, oh... was just... while I waited... waited for you. You send me into space... don't stop talking, please!" He tried to ride the contact, toes scrunched into his feet. "Palindrome? Isn't that... most numbers not...?"

"I don't remember the exact explanation for non-palindromic numbers, but for example 11 is a palindromic number... 19 is a non-palindromic. Then after 19, the next non-palindromic number is 47. See? But in our numerical system we're both primes..." A third finger, a louder moan. "You're dividable by Ezra or Crowley alone. I am dividable by Ezra or Crowley alone... Easy, love, it's me, relax... It's just me..." A sloppy kiss somewhere. "Hamlet is a prime too... But an absolute one, if there's one... No, there aren't like that... But he's only dividable by Hamlet. Benedik and Beatrice are like us... Orsino and Viola... Holmes and Watson... Spock and Kirk... Ezra and Crowley."

"Your dick... If you're going to divide me, split me over that line... Please... The slash, the cock, the heart carved in the tree... Need you, no, I'm not made less... I'm more..." 

Ezra reached for Crowley's hand. "Want to suck your fingers..."

"There..." He offered his hand. "Can't exactly split you on my dick... Just you know, rub and shit... It's lovely." A kiss, a rutting move between Ezra's cheeks. "Won't cut a thing on you... Will never harm you. Never." Another kiss. "I can finish you off with my hands. If you want to finish at all. I could go on like this forever. You close, you near... Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for taking me in. We'll never be parted, right? We'll sort it all out... Anything."

"Never... never be parted... mmm, feels enough... feels good to have you there... don't want to finish. Just want... just want you..." He licked over his fingers, then used his tongue to wrap around them and pull them into his mouth. "MmmNNNNmmmmnnnnfffff..."

"Angel, those were up your arse... Are you sure you want to suck them? Well, you eat everything... I wanted you to eat my arse after all... Give me my hand back, I will continue. If you want, that is. What else do you want to talk about? Goldberg conjecture? Each number is a sum of primes. Want to try? I love you, Ezra." A kiss, another, two more, made it four, made it five. "You're everything, you know?"

Ezra let the fingers slip from his mouth, and turned to peer over his shoulder. "Just hold me. Hold me until you want me to finish you... and I will. I'll..." He sighed, with extreme contentment. "Do anything you want... anything..."

"That's why I needed more of me. For all I want..." Crowley got his fingers inside Ezra. "I want you to be happy. And like... Eternal opportunity... If something doesn't work today, it will tomorrow... And tomorrow... And another day... Shouldn't quote Macbeth now, should I?" A laugh, a kiss, a playful smack. "Anything else, angel, other than the best part of my right hand?"

"Scottish play not a good topic in bed..." Ezra wiggled his ass enticingly, and then rolled over in Crowley's arms, getting nose to nose. "But I want to see what number - prime, not-prime or otherwise - I can get you to tonight..." He slid a hand under the other's knee, pushing it up and to his chest. "How would my future husband like to come first? Or shall I simply hold you down and make you come?"

"H... Hold me down and make me come." Crowley nodded a few times. "But... Anything. Love your mouth on me. My mouth on you too. Whatever you want... Angel, you're illegally beautiful."

"They nearly made it illegal for us to be together... a few weeks sooner, and I'd never have passed your tree..." Ezra moved to kneel, and hefted Crowley's legs astride him, then urged him onto his heels to lift his lap towards his face. "How about I get you there first, then after, we both do at once?" 

Plump, smiling lips sucked tiny little pink marks that faded moments later, as he moved to kiss everywhere but where he really needed. "Keep talking. Never stop. I need your voice, my delicious demon tree..."

"Date palm trees are very difficult to kill by fire," replied Crowley serenely before dissolving into a mess of consonants. "Fire or water can't destroy love... And if someone offered all their possessions for love... What do they know..?" He arched back, squirming, biting his own lips. "There's an entire forest made of clones of one tree. Nature did it, no humans... Just one tree in many many trunks. Just like me, over you."

"Selfish tree... or knows better than anyone else..." He licked just at the edge of his lips, and then above the small cock, without letting his tongue touch. Deferred contact, as his fingers massaged his thighs. "Gonna have such a big wedding cake. Won't want to eat it. Only want to eat you." His tongue moving to lick all the way from the back of his crease to the tip of his dick. "MMnnmmmMMMM."

Crowley bit his lips so hard, blood spilled. "I love you. You... I belong to you. Trees are amazing. Their skin... Like an old man's. When you're old... I'll take such good care of you. Will stay young just for you. I... Angel, you're so good at this..." He spoke clearly, with crazy serenity to his voice. His fingers clawed to the sheets and he hissed a breath in. "You're beautiful. There's a species of cicada that emerge every 17 years. There's a theory there was a parasite... And they opted for a prime number... They stay in the ground as larvae for 17 years, then emerge... There's such sync to it... Such beauty. You're as rare as them... My beautiful, tight, soft, impossible prime number... They haven't proved Riemann's hypothesis because of you... And I won't because I'm greedy. Love your tongue on me, your lips on me... I was a larva before you, and you made me a cicada. Love you…"

Using his thumbs to rub his labia, Ezra kept up the lingering, flat-tongued licks and then softly nibbled at the gland. And then sealed his lips around to suckle his cheeks almost hollow, before releasing and thrusting his tongue into his slick, open hole. More noises of pure contentment, and he laved and lapped at the inside of his walls, before making his tongue firm and starting to fuck him with it.

"They call topology the science of a rubber sheet because whether it's a triangle or a square doesn't matter for topology. I love your tongue in me." Crowley kept talking suspiciously calmly. "So you take a rubber sheet shaped as a triangle and tug it until it's a circle. I love you... I've never been so close even to myself... You get me. You got me. Am I any good for you? Any use for you? Do you need me? Because I need you all the time... You're magical, angel... Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He arched back most frantically, grabbing at Ezra's hair and wailing.

It would be impolite to answer properly, not when Crowley was almost discovering spontaneous levitation. Instead, Ezra growled a 'fuck yes' and moved back to licking very roughly as he thrust two fingers into him, bending them towards the lips that pushed down and tried to meet in the middle. 

And then sucking over the proud, hard cock until his cheeks hollowed and his head was dizzy, slurping and gulping and then removing all air to just rub with his tongue.

"I remembered! The definition of a non-palindromic number! I'm afraid it's just Wikipedia but the formula is fine... is an integer n that is not palindromic in any positional numeral system with a base b in the range 2 ≤ b ≤ n − 2... Angel, this is too much, please, stop..." Crowley choked on a sob.

Ezra had no idea what that meant at all. At all. But he lifted his head, eyes dark and hungry. "One more... give me one more." His voice was a gravelly, growly ruff. "Let me make you come, so when I fuck you, you're already shaking around me, and all you can do is take more pleasure from me."

"I love you, angel... Taniyama-Shimura conjecture states each elliptic equation is related to a modular form... Once it was proved, Fermat's last theorem was proved... I was that theorem, jutted carelessly on the margins of an old book, cheeky and elusive... And you found me... And proved me. Andrew Wiles sat in his attic for seven years... Did you? Did you?"

"Longer. All my life. All my life in attics... and you had only margins, and now you have an entire bookshop, and your story and proofs spill across every page..." He pushed three fingers into his cunt, scissoring them furiously, and licked around the messy, sticky spread of him before flattening his tongue around his prick and hissing breath in past his teeth as he sought another climax with his full attention.

"It must have taken longer... Been looking for you for so long I forgot I've been looking for you... Angel! Angel... Elliptic equations are... Laplace... Poisson... Fuck it all, angel, what is it? Is it how a theorem feels being proved... Only you. I'll let you alone to prove me..." He thrashed and climaxed again, forgetting how to breathe or what to think.

He'd not even gotten through the aftershocks before Ezra lifted his spit-slick sticky face, grinning from ear to ear like all the cats in Cheshire, Lancashire, and everywhere-shire. He removed his fingers, only to pull Crowley's hips up over his thighs, and ease him over his very, very interested cock. Nestled inside, he worked his hands over hip-bones and thighs and belly, very lightly rocking into him, feeling the pulses of his orgasm slowly wane. 

"Stay with me, my dear boy, stay with me... I'm going to fuck you slow, slow, and sweet. Look at me. Look at my face. See how much I love you... see how we resolve... look at me."

Crowley obediently looked up at Ezra, his face open, vulnerable and serene. "Looking. Resolve beautifully... Nature loves beautiful equations... We're by far the handsomest. Hardy would have died for us... Angel, you won't leave me, will you? You belong with me!" He added fiercely leaning up to steal a kiss. "If you ever leave me... If you ever... I'll be a tree with no roots. My angel's bee, my one and only... What am I gonna do if you turn me down, when I'm so crazy over you... Gershwin was a Jew... I love you. Love you. You."

"Hold onto me," Ezra asked, demanded, somewhere between the two. "Hold onto me. I'll never leave you. And I will remind you every single day if you need me to. I'll redo my oaths over breakfast. I'll whisper them into your ear before we sleep. You wouldn't feel this way, if I didn't, too. Equal and opposite - no - no - what is it you say? What is it they say? Entanglement... that's it. Entanglement..."

He held him in the small of his back, between his shoulder-blades, rolling and surging into him, taking as long as he could dare before the urge to finish became too much to ignore. "I'm yours. I'd travel the world to find you, if you left me. I'd listen for your voice and I'd follow you to Mordor, to the moon, to the end of the universe..."

"No... No Mordor. Too dangerous for angel... No, no, no... No end of the universe, either... I mean there is... Don't want you to travel so far. Wouldn't wander that far. Not from you... Why... Why would you even bother? Am bad, mad, dangerous to know... No, that was Byron. I'd like them all to shut up and only be with you, but they... Thoughts never shut up. Fuck angel... Love... Loooooove."

"Your mind is too vast, too fast to be in one place at once." He gently eased him down onto his back, and moved to clasp one hand with his, thrusting up with each push in. "It's a solar system. A galaxy. You can spiral through it all, but I'm here, at the centre, listening to you sing..."

He moved their clasped hands together, pushing Crowley's fingers to part around where their bodies joined, trapping the shaft that rose between them. "But now I only want to hear one thing." He closed his mouth around his lover's, and stroked his tongue to encourage the moans.

Crowley moaned and thrashed some more, until his hungry fingers found their way up to Ezra's back and buried themselves there with a knightly resolve. His legs around Ezra, his voice entire, down Ezra's throat. "You're so beautiful... You're so beautiful... Why did you leave me alone for so long? I looked for you... Everywhere. Angel." He turned serene and calm again, fingers in Ezra's hair now. "I... I love you. Love you so much. There... Just there. Let's come together, shall we?"

"Want nothing more." He closed his eyes, pressing their foreheads together so he could breathe over his face. His balls were tight, so tight, and he kept the slow pace but pushed harder, harder, and called out a wordless victory as the coiled, aching pressure turned into a sharp, bright one that had him flooding his lover with his release.

"Oh... Aw... Angel... Oh darling, yes, yes, yes, yes... Was it good?" He began worrying before his orgasm subsided. "Was it? You're ok? Alright, angel?"

"Yes, oh yes, oh yes," Ezra breathed, his voice wrecked as he kept moving, but slowing, slowing, a shudder working down from nape to nuts. "Oh, so perfect, I love you so much... Crowley... Crowley... I know I shouldn't... marry me? Please? I'll - I'll propose properly later, just - yes, yes, I need you..." It was entirely insane, and the most sensible thing he'd ever wanted. Every attempt at slowing, or going at things circumspectly had just hurt them both. 

And how could it be wrong, when he had felt so dull and empty before, and then so furiously alone without him?

"Of course I'll marry you, you silly plum... Fuck... Angel, I love you so much. How come we spent so much time apart?" He crooned then: " _ My mirror twin, my next of kin, I'd know you in my sleep... And who but you could take me in, a thousand kisses deep _ ?" He kissed Ezra's eyelids, his nose and cheeks and mouth.

"Well, I didn't know you existed... but I'll make up for it by never leaving your side again..." He held him in as close as he could, then rolled so he could lie on his back with Crowley still around him. "Mmmm. Fuck, yes. Keep going..."

"And what? Ride you into the sunset?.. oh angel, I can't go on anymore... Could we sleep, angel? Together, around each other?" Crowley nuzzled his cheek. "Pull the blanket around us... Need bathroom. I'll be right back." He jumped up and went into the bathroom, swaying hips and zero knowledge of how enticing he was.

"I meant... kisses..." he said, and then made a little whine when Crowley jumped off. "But yes. Sleep sounds very nice... when you're done." His head dropped back into the pillows. And then he realised he had several text messages on his phone.... oh, shit. In-laws.

Crowley returned and followed Ezra's suddenly forlorn gaze. "Moms... I'm so sorry. I'm gonna call them... Gonna..." He rested his head on Ezra's chest - and was fast asleep the next moment.

Ezra very, very carefully picked up the blankets and pulled them around the out-cold Crowley, making things as comfortable as possible. And then picked up his phone to allay any fears.

<<<Sara: is he fed? Is he alive?

<<<Leah: he made it to yours?

Ezra tried to dial as quietly as possible, and when they picked up, he spoke in a low voice. "He's asleep right now... please don't talk too loudly. Yes, he's here. He's alive. And he's eaten."

"Really?" Sara whispered suspiciously and far too loudly. "I hope I can trust you."

"Thank you, Ezra. We trust you..." Said Leah.

"We really don't!" Added Sara.

"We do, and we just wanted to know he made it safely to yours... But does he breathe ok?" Leah asked.

"There are noises!" Sara observed. "Has he brought his inhaler? Do you know how to use it? Why is he sleeping and you're not?"

"He has his inhaler, and it's fine. He fell asleep and I am about to, but I knew you'd worry," he said, with a sigh. "Please - no wonder he struggles to keep up - I can't answer so many things at once!"

There was a mutter from Crowley, followed by a hand over the mouthpiece and a soft murmur and kiss, then back to full voice. 

"He had a little bit of a run in with the local police, nothing serious: he thought they wanted to arrest him, but they were just concerned why he was agitated in public. We're setting up his prescriptions to be filled by the local pharmacy tomorrow, he has enough for now, and I made the kitchen as... suitable as possible, considering it's a small flat. Sorry about that."

"You're rude and a sweetheart," remarked Leah. 

"Local police..." Sara muttered. 

"Hey, it's alright. It's not like when he was 18... Whatever." Leah sighed happily. "Your kitchen doesn't have to be anything super kosher. And again. As long as he eats, anything..."

"Thank you." Sara said seriously.

"Good night." Leah added with a soft laugh.

"He was going to phone, he was just too tired. But he was thinking about you. And listen..."

The phone moved to the gently snoring face to let them hear his breathing and occasional mumbling. 

"He says goodnight also. Oh, and if he hasn't yet asked, I suspect he will in the morning. We would appreciate your presiding over our wedding when the world is back to normal. Goodnight!"

Maybe he was a bit of a bastard, or just too tired, or Crowley was rubbing off on him because he hung up and put the phone away to go back to cuddling.


	8. Flat of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our trees enjoy domestic bliss  
> They cook they eat and then they kiss  
> There's some cleaning to be done  
> Then there's sneezing and it's fun  
> (And trees do - sometimes - hiss)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex is marked by cozy asterisks. If you think asterisks are not cozy, I sincerely apologise.

Crowley woke up early. He spent a few long moments admiring Ezra, fast asleep, hands on Crowley's back. Then he decided he'd get up and make an honest effort of cooking breakfast. 

He began to untangle himself, but Ezra pressed him back.

"I want to make you breakfast, angel," Crowley whispered.

Ezra attempted to say that Crowley was breakfast, but he was too tired, then he started thinking about crumpets, then he was back asleep. 

Almost certainly dreaming of crumpets. Very certainly dreaming of Crowley.

Crowley smiled and got up. He stretched, which always put him in good mood, and went in search of more funny underpants and soft big shirts he could wrap himself in. 

Said items discovered and put on, Crowley continued to the kitchen. 

There he opened the fridge and pondered. And considered. And thought things over. And closed the fridge. 

In the end, a good cup of tea with toast and butter is a good start regardless of anything, or so Crowley hoped. He took the tea and the toast to Ezra.

Ezra's eyes were glued closed, but soon rubbed open when he smelled toast, and he looked utterly destroyed at the sight of a Crowley in too-big shirt, with breakfast. In bed. 

And he pulled a pillow over his face to muffle something, legs kicking madly under the covers, before he dropped the pillow and beamed. "Wasn't a dream?"

Crowley smiled down at him. "Why would it? Look, I even remembered that people eat," he chuckled, a bit sadly. "Want to sit up so I give you your toast and tea? I'm afraid this is as much cooking as I'm capable of for now... Morning, angel." He leaned to give Ezra a kiss.

"You're really here, I mean... I called your parents. They know you're fine... Are you going to eat with me?" He gingerly got up.

"Of course I'm here, silly. Are moms ok?" Crowley handed Ezra his cup and plate. "I finished mine, but I'll sit with you, certainly. What are we going to do today?"

Ezra lifted an arm, wanting cuddles. "I was thinking we should have some routine. So we could plan meals for the week before we go shopping. Maybe spend an hour cataloging the books. Then the rest can be watching things, playing games... Maybe learn some new skills?"

"It's all promising," Crowley scooted closer and held Ezra down with a leg over Ezra's stomach. "Keep talking, angel." He nuzzled Ezra's shoulder.

Crunch. Sip. Trying to get things in between words. The toast was a little too dark, but it was edible. Ezra was just very fussy. But he wouldn't complain. 

"If we're not able to go out, or order in, maybe we should work out how to cook? You might enjoy it more if you made it, and you could treat it as a science experiment and it would give us a nice activity with a positive outcome...?"

"Sure, angel. You don't need to... Talk me into things. You'll probably need to make sure I turn the stove off but other than that... What do you want to cook? What have we got? Bet we'll cook lunch until lunch." Crowley laughed and licked up Ezra's cheek.

"I was listing the positives for myself, as well. Er, I..." Ezra wrung one hand into the bedding. "The shop isn't terribly busy. So mostly I have gotten into the habit of talking to myself. So..."

He wormed some more. "I'm not entirely sure. I grabbed a large collection of things when I was there. A lot of pasta and rice and vegetables and frozen meals and some meat cuts...."

"So let's think of something you like to eat and see what we can do..." Crowley rather deliriously cozied closer still. "You pick the recipe, and I'll cook it, hm?"

"I think we should check the cupboards and see what we can make... Can we cook together or will I be under your feet?" Ezra's fingers decided to map Crowley's scalp instead of move.

Crowley either purred or hissed at the caress. "Anything, Ezra... I'm warning you, I intend to spend all the time dressed like that. It's you twice. Squared you. You before my eyes, you around me, you, you, you..." Crowley looked up blissfully.

"You do know if you answer the door you'll need some bottoms on? And maybe we should order you some boxers in your size...?"

"No and no!" Crowley wiggled, or at least tried to. "I will not put anything else on, and I don't want boxers in my own size. They don't like, totally fall down. And they feel good, and it's like... Having your hands on me all the time.

"They will fall down! Crowley, much as I adore your rump, I do think if you leave it uncovered it will drive me insane!" Ezra groped said butt. "And if we don't get up, I will die from sexual exhaustion."

"No, no, no, hold your Rohan horses, angel. I'm sore as a loser. They will not fall down. I walked around in them. I like them. They are softer than mine. And they have angel wings, it's so embarrassing, I adore it!" Crowley jumped up. Surprisingly, the boxers mostly remained where they should have, probably due to the fact the Crowley's hip bones were sharp enough to tear soft boxers. He'd be the first to be sad about it, of course.

".... The minute they fall down I'm buying smaller. And you'll get cold. So I'll buy you some sweat pants if you won't wear jeans. Or leggings?"

"No!" Crowley stepped down from the bed. "Flat is warm and I'm not wearing sweatpants. Or leggings. I thought you liked my legs, angel..." Crowley turned on his heels and Ezra soon heard Crowley fumbling in the fridge and demanding recipes from his phone in no uncertain terms.

Ezra sighed. Shorts, then. He made a mental note and yelled back down, "I'm taking a shower, call your mothers!"

Crowley harrumphed something resembling agreement and continued fumbling, although now Ezra could hear him talking to moms.

"Hi... Yes, yes... Did he now? Such a sweet bastard..." He laughed wholeheartedly. "I'm fine, yes... Yes, took them... Ehm... Considering cooking something... No, I hope it wouldn't end like it did last time... Thank you, moms. Love you... Yes, yes, stop it... Bye!" Crowley growled and continued demanding recipes from tired Google

Eventually, a damp-haired Ezra waddled into the kitchen. "What's the verdict?"

Crowley was a bit more disheveled than before but arranged on the kitchen counter were noodles, frozen veggies, some meat and coconut cream. Crowley waved at it widely. "There. We'll make noodles with beef and vegetables, with coconut cream sauce. Wait!" He raised a finger, disappeared into the fridge and emerged with an onion and a garlic head. "Alright... You..." He looked at Ezra and beamed. "I missed you. Fuck. What a creep. Bleeurgh. Anyway, you cut the onion and crush two garlic cloves. I'll... Start the fire. I mean, metaphorically. And literally. But mostly metaphorically, since it's a stove. How does that sound?"

"It sounds much more complicated than I would manage... Where did you get the idea?" Ezra was overwhelmed with the effort, but in a very excited way. He gave a quick hug from behind, and peck on the cheek, before going over to the required section of far too small workspace.

Crowley managed to figure Ezra's kitchen enough to find a pot and a pan. Both were placed on the stove top, some olive oil was poured into the pan, and the fire under was lit. 

"Angel, I need them anti-vampire vegs. You're ok?"

"Yup... This smells amazing... And you said you couldn't cook?" Ezra brought over the chopping board. It was a little irregular, but decent enough to use.

"Angel, you're literally smelling heated olive oil -- and that's it." Crowley tossed the onion and garlic into the pan, then looked suspiciously at the empty pot. "Could you boil a lot of water, angel?" He asked. 

Frozen veggies, oregano, rosemary and paprika joined the pan party, followed by small cubes of meat. Crowley sauteed everything for a while, looking at his phone every now and then, and poured coconut cream over everything. He mixed it, covered it with lid and rather nervously kissed Ezra. "I'm so sorry."

"Well, and the fresh things... I always just used to order in or pop out for a meal deal at lunch... real Londoner. Wouldn't survive in a real apocalypse." Ezra grabbed the kettle, filling it and offering it.

"...why are you sorry? You're a miracle." He nuzzled enthusiastically at Crowley's cheek, and then peered over at his phone. "Looks delicious."

"I'm sorry because I might just screw it." Another desperate kiss. "All of it."

Fire under the hob on which the pot stood. Some oil. Some salt. Noodles. 

He peered under the lid, then on the phone. "Of course it looks delicious. It's like porn. You wanted me to know you couldn't perform like a porn star although you're hotter, sweeter, harder... Fuck, getting carried away."

He pulled the noodles out and tossed them into the mix in the pan. 

"Ok... Plates. Yeah. Is it time for lunch yet? Even if it's not, I'm freaking out... Did I put the salt? Do you think we'll die?

"It's time for lunch, there's salt to taste, so you don't need to add any more. And it's not screwed unless it's inedible. It's an experiment and an iteration."

Ezra snickered, grabbing plates and cutlery. "Try some, see if it's okay. And this *is* porn...."

"Why is it porn? What category does it fit... Shit! This is hot!" Crowley yelled having tasted the food. "Edible though... Hm... Very edible! Oh angel, I made you lunch!" Crowley hopped, and one side of his, well Ezra's boxers gave up and slipped down a bit."

Ezra grabbed the waistband and pulled it up. "I'm getting you an apron. I'm not explaining second degree burns received whilst cooking! And it's absolutely under the amateur, loving section. Oral."

"Oh... Oh... Monsieur knows his pornhub..." Crowley sat at the table dreamily. It occurred to him after a few seconds that he had forgotten to serve the food, so he coughed, ashamed, and swiftly served the food. "There, angel."

"Monsieur knows his intended..." Ezra sat down happily, his rump wiggling with appreciation and hands clapping above the table. "What a lovely dish! Oh, you really are the most precious thing ever made..."

"Shut up and eat, angel," Crowley grumped. He shoved a forkful of noodles inside his mouth. "What do you think?" He asked.

"Gmmmmfffff!" Ezra was ever so pleased he was not at all going to pause to use words, nodding vigorously and then leaning back in his chair to savour the first... five shovel-loads. "Gmmmmmmmnnnn."

"I think... When you can't talk... Means... You approve?" Crowley looked at Ezra, puzzled. "You like it? You seem too... Good..." Crowley approximately swallowed the whole bowl and wiped his mouth on Ezra's pink tartan shirt.

"Oh *G-d*, yes," Ezra purred, eyes still closed. "Please bookmark that page. And make it again." And then he was shovelling more into his face, a little too fast, but not as quickly as Crowley.

"Ehm... I'll think of something for dinner," Crowley remarked, vaguely inspired. "Oh shit!.. I didn't make dessert!" Crowley covered his face in shame.

"Oh, I think I have an idea what I can use to fill that void..." He put his cutlery down, pushed the plate away, and moved to crouch beside Crowley's chair. "Those boxers... aren't they a little loose?" He pushed a finger under his waistband. "Aren't they?"

Crowley gulped. "They are... Wonderful, to be honest. Just the right amount of... Looseness... I guess... Angel?"

"No, I think..." Hooked finger, and he pulled very slowly down. "Are you going to arch up for me, dear?"

"Why... Why would I do that?.." Crowley asked, very much dazed and confused.

"Because you're my dessert." Ezra pushed his face under the baggy shirt, hands working urgently to slide boxers away and push the chair back enough so he could kneel between knees, and under the table. "I'm still hungry, little tree..."

"I'm not kosher," whispered Crowley, absolutely stupidly dazed and confused.

"...pretty sure you are... we didn't have any dairy, and also - well - you can feel free to call your mothers and ask if you're not convinced..." Ezra licked at that flat stomach, and then urged again. "Come on, my dear, I'm *ravenous*."

"Angel... My dear, dearest, sweet... Fuck..." Crowley thrust up, unselfconscious but it turned out to be enough for Ezra to pull his boxers down. "Angel..." Careful, gentle fingers in Ezra's cloudy hair, something hot and tender bubbling all over Crowley. "I... Angel..."

*******************************

"Keep saying that," Ezra asked, as he pushed fingers up through darker, rougher curls. Up and apart, giving him a place to lick his way up and through. "Mmmm, you're starting to get nice and juicy for me... such a good tree, all this sap..." He used his nose under the dick, so he could tug lips wide to feel the air, and then lick just below his entrance, over and over.

"Angel... Was it all my cooking? You really... Ahhh... Like this, fuck, like this... Fuck... What are you doing to me?"

Ezra's tongue slid up and in, then slurped noisily out. "It's everything. Your cooking helped. But also I love the sound you make when you ride my mouth. I love your taste. I love your smell. I love feeling your cock twitch when you come..."

Crowley grabbed at something, or he tried, but nothing came handy, so he just waved his hands in the air and just plainly succumbed to Ezra's kisses and ministrations. "Angel... Oh please, angel, don't stop, don't stop... I'll die if you stop..."

Ezra pulled Crowley wider, nudging firmly with his nose, the way getting more slippery by the moment. He angled his tongue to thrust shallowly, then he pushed up and squirmed it against his upper wall. Two thumbs pulling his vagina as wide as he could, and then a prodding tongue just pushing his cock almost back into him. "Myyyyhhhhmmmm."

"Angel..." Crowley smiled, madly, and laughed, happily, finally finding his way into Ezra's hair. "So good... So fucking good... You know... You know I saw you and knew it... Knew you were good. Want to be good for you too."

He leaned over and kissed the top of Ezra's head.

Ezra pulled the thumbs out, only to push a finger and thumb of one hand in, stretching them as wide as he could, pushing until the base of his thumb was rubbing just inside, two fingers from the other hand frigging into him. "You're more than good for me. If all you let me do was this, for the rest of my life, I'd be the happiest man to exist. If all you did was let me hold you while we fall asleep, I'd declare my life complete... I adore you. I want you to come for me... I want you to walk around wet in my underwear, dazed and confused and floating..."

"You're so good... So good... So good..." Crowley sobbed, planting kisses over Ezra's head and caressing his shoulders. "You don't seem to know how good you are... I'll tell you all the time. Through meals or... Or something. Anything... Fuck angel... Fermat's last theorem was... Was turned... Could be turned into an elliptic equation... So could be proved... Could be proved. You prove me..."

Ezra could spend all day on his knees (if his knees allowed), no question about it. He could lick, suck, finger and eat until his throat was parched and his fingers shrivelled, and if he heard those sounds, that voice... He moved to just one hand, all four fingers stuffing into his hole, elbow pistoning to drive the chair to rocking. He licked at the fluids, some missing and sliding down to his wrist, then closed his eyes and let the purr of his suckling surround that hard nub of nerves. He wasn't going to stop, not until he was physically removed. Not when he could make that voice crack and groan, could make thighs shake and toes curl. The musk of him filled his nose, made his belly rumble in pleasure, and he promised his cock he would see to it later. Much later. It was Crowley, and only Crowley.

Crowley quietly moaned but did nothing to remove Ezra from his position, only his fingers grew more... Musical, more careful. "Angel... Darling... Oh you'll kill me and I'll welcome it... You... You proved me so thoroughly. What should I do for you, angel? Want to please you too..! Want to take me right here on the floor?" He bent over himself most impossibly kissing Ezra's ears. "What do you want?" He whispered. "What is it? Yours, it's yours."

"I want to lick my fingers clean," Ezra said, barely moving his head from where it was. "And then I want you to spend all day wanting me inside of you. So every time we touch, it's like lightning meeting earth. And I want to see you dance on the static until we finally join..." He pushed one last thrust in, then dragged his fingers slowly out to show Crowley sucking them clean. Eyes on his. Predatory, but not threatening. 

"Going to fuck you so hard when we go back to bed. But first... we should play a game, maybe? And I don't mean one in bed."

***********************************

Crowley stood up, stumbling and adjusting his, well Ezra's clothes. "I need to...to clean. The dishes. And everything."

Before Ezra could stand up, Crowley did the dishes. Before Ezra could catch his breath, Crowley rearranged all of Ezra's kitchen to make perfect sense (no boutique could make a better sense). 

And before Ezra could proceed any of it he was vacuum cleaned into lifting his feet and staying out of the way.

And before long Crowley was coughing like mad in the toilet which looked cleaner than the day it had been installed.

Ezra tried to follow behind, and help out. Which mostly involved getting in the way, and being frowned at, so in the end he decided to make them both some nice tea. (He had paid attention, and his teabags were now Crowley-friendly.) So he didn't hear immediately. 

And then he did, and he nearly dropped the tea, before rushing into the bathroom after him. "Crowley! Crowley! Where's your inhaler - oh, shit - do you normally cough when you need it?" A hand was over his forehead, but it was hot from the mug of tea, and now he was being whacked at. "Crowley! I need to see if you're sick!"

"I'm not sick... M not!" Crowley sneezed so hard he had to fly over to the other end of the bathroom. 

"Fucking... Clothes. Terrible." He tossed aside the pink tartan and boxers and walked away, naked and proud to find something to wear and coughing violently all the way. "Can I wear your boxers again?.." He coughed again and fell on his arse having failed to procure himself any clothes. "Could... Could you help me? Do you think..?" He turned on his side, away from Ezra and coughed into the carpet. "I'm sorry... Not sick... Just... Allergies. A cat must have come by..."

Sneezing wasn't on the list of things, but... shit. Nope. Nope. Ezra scooped up the slighter man, and put him on the bed. "Stay." 

Next, inhaler. Into hand. "Use."

Next... big shirt with small floral print. Boxers with fake manuscript and bad Latin. Socks. Bathing trunks (which would serve as shorts. All tossed onto the bed, and then he had the phone. 

"Hi... sorry to bother you... does he normally sound like this when he's allergic, or do I need to call 999?"

"Ezra, this is some hilariously violent sneezing," concluded Leah.

"He's dying." Sara concluded, then thought better and added, "He's ... Coughing. Darling, doesn't it sound like that time he ate toilet soap?" Sara asked.

"Sounds awful lot like that..." Leah agreed. "Ezra, was he stress cleaning?"

"Well, I wouldn't say stress... maybe? We had lunch and then he was cleaning... I only left him alone for a few minutes! I gave him his inhaler and made him get dr--- change - and... he said maybe it was a cat? But he had his head in the toilet and I couldn't tell if he was running a temperature-- Crowley put those clothes on now!"

Crowley made a sound, rather incoherent, and hid under blankets.

"Don't boss boy around!" Sara demanded. "Why is he naked anyway?"

"Sara, he's in love, he's naked!" Leah reproached. "Ezra, is some of your... Stuff lemon flavoured?"

"He took his clothes off when he stopped cleaning," Ezra explained. "And - er - do you mean the cleaning products? And I'm trying to make sure he doesn't get cold!"

"Yes, but did he come..?" Sara began.

"Sara, be reasonable!" Leah argued. "He's allergic to lemon. Hates it. Might have forgotten about it... Young love, fuck my arse!"

"Leah!"

"What? He forgets he hates lemon! You know it! Remember that face he made... Anyway, Ezra, get rid of anything lemon related. Inhaler won't help, he just needs to ... Sneeze it out. Cough it out. It's alright, he won't die on you. He wouldn't dare. Such a sweet boy, you are! He'll be fine. Give him some water and tell him he's a dear. Should help. Your flat must be cleaner than a hospital, by the way, now that boy cleaned it. Don't worry. Cuddle him and make sure he stays hydrated. Good night!"

Crowley coughed out something about being thirty.

"...you're allergic to lemon?" Ezra said, grumpily, after saying his goodnights and going for the water. "I asked! What about oranges? Limes? Other citrus fruits? Oh, and you're a dear. Please drink this..." He tried to help him sit up. "Please don't make me think you've caught a bloody killer disease because you made dinner."

"Allergic to nothing... Just cats... And lemons... Sorry angel, so sorry." Crowley complied and downed the offered glass of water. "Sorry. I'll be fine... Did I scare you? I'm sorry... And you wanted to fuck me! And now I've ruined it all!" Crowley dug his nose into the pillow. "I'll... I'll be alright." A terrible sneeze. "Promise." A cough. "I'm sorry... Didn't mean to... Oh fuck, you're warm." Long fingers on Ezra's shirt. "And smell so good." That beak of a nose on Ezra's chest. "Get rid of it..." Crowley tried to unbutton Ezra's clothes. "So dressed up... Maybe you don't want me. Who would? But I love you... Must go too fast for you... Angel. Ezra, did you know I never loved anyone, any human before I met you? My beautiful angel..."

"You silly darling. Shhh, let me in." He climbed onto the bed, and batted at his hands. "Let's just cuddle and watch the next movie. I always want to fuck you, but I absolutely intend to just cuddle you now. Please stop worrying that I won't love you. I adore you. And you're not to eat any cats, or lemons." 

He pulled Crowley into a snuggle. "Do you need anything?"

"Cats... Not kosher. No hooves. Don't chew... Split hooves, mind you... Angel..." Crowley nuzzled closer, hugging tighter. "Love your smell. So... Good. Must know other descriptors... So good though. Like... Like my Ezra."

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Ezra pulled the remote over, and put the television on. "I'm sorry I got upset. You do have a habit of worrying me."

Crowley sneezed again and scrunched his nose sniffing. "Sorry... Didn't make you dinner... Bad tree."

"You're not the help, my dear boy. I'm here to look after you, too. And you aren't to do everything in this relationship." He took his hand, squeezing. "Let's relax a bit. Are you comfortable? Need more tissues?"

"I'm fine... Just don't want you to be hungry." Crowley enveloped Ezra in all his rather endless limbs. "What are we watching?"

"Return of the King? And I'll be fine. But if you get hungry, let me know..."

"I need to..." He sneezed. "There. Did it. Return of the King, definitely. Or Jedi. Or whatever... I'm miserable."

"Jedi makes less sense to just... Start with it, but maybe that's our next series. We will be stuck here for a long time, after all." He struggled, reached, wiggled, and dropped the box of tissues into Crowley's lap. "I'll be miserable with you until you feel better."

Crowley hummed something in response but didn't manage a word. For a while they watched the film silently, then Crowley said, his voice heavy and wistful, "And when this all ends, what will we do? And how will we live? What if I grow into you, literally, and you won't be able to leave..."

"When this all ends, I'll take you to the registry office. And a month later, I'll make you my husband. And then we'll live here, if you can, and commute?"

"Sounds... Awesome." Crowley sighed calmly. "Alright..."

"Sleep well, little tree. Sleep well."


	9. Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ducks do not care if those gents are gay  
> The world is ending but it's ok  
> Kosher's not easy to keep  
> When the shop makes you weep  
> But your lover will screw you for days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello gentletrees and gentlebees. It took us some time but what can you do? We came up with a huge chapter full of philosophical porn. It's so intellectual Wilde and Proust would weep blood. Alternatively, this is what you might have got had those clever darlings ever bothered to write porn. The most clever porn I read belongs to Denis Diderot, so I highly recommend him. But mostly us.

"No, the ducks don't care if you have trousers on, but the rest of the world does, and I don't want to be arrested for being complicit in public indecency! It's for half an hour, Crowley. You wore jeans before you moved in. I remember!"

"My legs and my crotch don't remember!.. Alright, alright, I'll put the pants on, stop fussing!" Crowley squeezed himself into his super tight jeans but insisted on keeping a ridiculous tartan shirt that destroyed his aesthetic but smelled of Ezra. "There. What else should I put on?"

"Socks... Shoes... This..." Which was a kiss to the cheek.

"Oh, more of this, please... More," Crowley smiled and held Ezra.

"Ducks first. I need some fresh air and we can give them the last of the Cheerios."

"You could give me the last of the Cheerios," replied Crowley with a smile. "Let's go then." Crowley sauntered to the door, hands in pockets and shades in place. "Shall we?" He opened the door.

"We could buy you a box of fresh Cheerios on the way back, and give the older ones to the baby ducklings," Ezra argued, but without heat. He put the box in his canvas bag-for-life-thingy and moved to follow him. 

It turned out the real world was very, very bright, and he blinked and shielded his eyes. "...ow. Can someone turn the sun down?"

"My sweet and shy mole," Crowley chided. "Let's go. Those ducklings won't eat my Cheerios unless we bring them." Crowley took Ezra's hand and pulled him along. "You can hide your face on my shoulder I guess... I'd love that." Then he searched for something in his pockets and handed Ezra another pair of stylish sunglasses. "Or use these."

Crowley looked stylish in sunglasses, even with a tartan shirt on. Somehow, Ezra just managed to look ridiculous, but he didn't know, and it wasn't as if anyone cared any more. "You know, the ones we saw on our first date must be much older now. I do hope they are finding enough food with all the humans gone."

"Ah... They witnessed our first kiss... Dangerous birds. Do you think their memories are good?" Crowley snuggled closer to Ezra.

"Dangerous? Why would they be dangerous? They're ducks... not geese or swans." Ezra was genuinely puzzled, as he linked their arms again.

"Don't know... Now that I'm thinking of it, I find it creepy that they... Looked at us. What if they are homophobic?"

"Crowley. Ducks probably can't recognise human gender, let alone courtship. They're small creatures, who are looking at the noisy creatures looking at them. They're working out if we will feed them or chase them... they don't really care if I suck your c---" Oh, yes, in public. He coughed. "Cheerios... or not."

"Don't suck Cheerios, angel. Might be dangerous... I'm a bit paranoid today, ain't I? What are we doing after we visit ducks?"

"Going to the corner shop to pick up essentials. And then going home. Unless you have anything else on your agenda?" Ezra squeezed the arm he'd looped. "And don't worry. If any duck dares to insult you, I will expertly hit them with the Cheerios, box and all."

"I have on my agenda... Oh, I think I mostly have you on my agenda. I spent two days doing research because you did the inventory. So... I'm all yours... Thank you for protecting me from the ducks."

"I will make sure no foxes steal your cheese strings on the way back, too." Ezra reassured him. "And I thought we could pick up some... uhm... how do you feel about horrible, Pagan chocolate which passes for Christian, but is really just chocolate?"

"I suppose I should feel as you're describing, horrible, pagan etc... Which is wrong. So you'll have to explain yourself, angel." Crowley suddenly stopped and winced. "Don't like being outside... Perhaps because we haven't been... Sorry. You were saying?"

"Easter eggs. I didn't want to offend your religious sensibilities, but... it's chocolate..." Ezra wrung his hands, nervously. "I wanted to get some, as... a treat. But you don't need to join me if it... and... it's Passover, too, soon, and - and I don't know what to do about that... maybe we should plan when we get back?"

At last, at the park, there were a few people all warily staying away from one another. Children on reins, dogs on leashes, and hair that was too long on everyone.

"We could have... I mean I could join moms' Seder via Zoom or something. They are using Zoom I think. I'll do some extra shopping to get the stuff for Passover... You can and should eat any treat you want, angel." Crowley leaned on Ezra, snaking his arm around his shoulders. "Love you, angel. So good to be with you." He nuzzled Ezra's hair.

"Will you want any? Or chocolate bunnies? And... we can join them, if you forgive me for... uhm. Being a bit rusty. It's been over twenty years." Ezra looked at the ducks, who looked, serenely, back. They certainly didn't seem to pass judgement on their gender, or his lack of observance. 

"Do you... I don't know how... I mean. I don't know how... or what... is it wrong of me to join in if I'm... you know. Me?"

"Being you anywhere is never wrong, angel. It's all up to you... I'm never against you being anywhere. I of course prefer it when you're with me, but can't be clingy all the time, right?" Crowley squeezed Ezra's shoulder. "Eat all the bunnies, angel, and eggs and anything. My matza is always for sharing... Fuck, why do I have to fall in love with you all over again each time I look it you? This is frankly embarrassing."

Ezra tossed the rest of the cereal onto the lake, then put the box in the bin. He came back to Crowley, holding his hands out. "You think it won't be wrong to join Seder if I'm... a bad Jew?"

Crowley took his hands. "I didn't think you consider yourself a Jew... But you're not a bad Jew in any case." He came a bit closer. "Do you think people will be tutting at us again, if we kiss? Or we're only kissing at home now?"

"I think I don't care if they tut... and... well. Mum was. So. I'm half? But we can talk about it later..." Ezra pulled Crowley closer and closer, until their toes touched. "I have a surprise..."

Crowley entered his dazed haze, so he said: "Mum was, so you are... Yes?"

"The post came, but... I kept is back until I could add mine." Ezra let go of his hands, and dropped to one knee, reaching into his pocket to hold out the small ring box. Except, along with two bands Crowley had ordered, there was a small, silver coin cut zig-zag in half. A Mizpah coin, strung on two chains. The words cut between them: '*The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.*' 

He looked up, clearly hopeful that the gesture would be welcomed. "Crowley? The world is falling apart, but mine is just starting. Please, will you share it with me?"

Crowley saw the old kibbutz tractor once again and dropped to both his knees. He gaped and gulped and made a valiant effort to utter something resembling an actual word in an actual human language. 

He circled Ezra's wrists and leaned forward to do something if he couldn't say a thing but then everything appeared so clear and right, no disturbances, no lightspeed reality, just... Ezra. 

"Yes." He managed. "Yes." He managed again. His brain rewired and having remembered what speech was, rushed forward. "Yes, yes, yes, of course, how... And when... And doesn't matter... Yes. Love you."

Somewhere in the mess, Ezra managed to not drop the box, but grab the back of Crowley's neck and pull him in to press their lips together. And then smush their faces as close as he could, laughing almost snot-sobbingly as they did. He just - yep. There was no pandemic. There was no such thing as homophobia. Ducks didn't exist. Just... them. For far longer than he could think to understand.

"Let's... Let's go to the shops and home... Alright? Let's get home and hug for like a year, if you want... Thank you, angel. You're the apple tree among other trees." Crowley pressed their foreheads together and let Ezra slip a ring on his finger.

Ezra held the box out, so Crowley could return the favour. "If you don't like necklaces, you can put it on your keys, or... I just. I wanted to recognise... us. And you. And who you are, and..." He stroked the hand wearing the ring. "Will you put mine on? I thought - when you're not... when you're not sure, or worried... you could touch it and remember..."

"Yes. To all." Crowley bit his lip and managed to put a ring on Ezra's finger. "I want... Want to wear it. Which half do you want?" He realised they were still on their knees and pulled them both to their feet.

"I'll let you pick. Whichever you want, I want the other. Or just reach in..." He was beaming so widely his face hurt.

Crowley blindly took one half and held it out to Ezra. "Put it on me?"

Grinning, he leaned in, stealing a kiss as he put it on. "Here, my dear. And once you've put mine on, we should go to the shops before the police get on our case again."

"Why would they? We live together. G-d has just witnessed our... Union. Along with some ducks. I'm so glad ducks don't have phones... Although how do they get in touch with other ducks? Anyway... There. All set."

"...I don't think ducks use Facebook or WhatsApp, Crowley... but they don't like you lingering. It's exercise, or shopping, not... snogging. That's not really exercise."

"Snogging is exercise! I'm exercising my poor knees that never behave around you!" Crowley said absolutely seriously, and Ezra knew him well enough to see he had indeed meant it.

"I know that, but the nice police people don't know that, and they would rather you - and everyone else - was as safe as possible. So... let's get the new Cheerios, as the ducks had all of the rest."

"Ok. I'm ready to go," Crowley said and didn't move.

"Yes. And?" Ezra tilted his head.

"What?" Crowley remained standing.

"You aren't moving."

"I definitely am. The world is turning, the stars, the galaxy, the galaxy cluster... We're all moving really fast. What do you think they put in the bananas these days?"

"Relative to London, you are not moving, and I do not think it would be an adequate defence in court, and you know it." Ezra grabbed his ass. "Move, future-husband. Cheerios. And chocolate eggs. And more nutella."

"Give me my arse back." Crowley swatted his hand away. "I'm moving! Moving." He made a few wobbly steps to prove his point. "Actually take my arse back, I can't get a hold of all this legs-gravity-head thing."

Ezra moved to stand behind him, both hands on his ass, puppeteering him onwards. "I don't know how you survived before we met... come on, you delicious bag of elastic bands."

"Well... Moms helped... But nobody has done anything like you do to me... What should I make for dinner?"

"See what we find in the shops. I thought, maybe noodles? And I hope your mothers didn't have to guide you by the ass. You are thirty, after all... wait, when's your birthday?"

"They mostly used hands. Helpful tips. Calls. Reminders. My birthday is... Hm... Some day in June. Or was it January? I don't celebrate my birthday." Crowley took Ezra's hand and examined it on the go.

"Can I celebrate it?" He guided him from the side, towards the mini Sainsbury's, and sighed at the size of the queue. Some were wearing masks, but mostly just standing awkwardly apart.

"Angel, there's a queue, we're going home and ordering everything online, I can't." Crowley tugged Ezra towards the bookshop without ever looking back.

"Crowley, I can't, they won't let me sign up. Unless we're at risk, we have to queue." He planted his feet. "There will always be queues."

"No, there won't be online," Crowley persisted as they moved farther and farther from the shop.

"Crowley, I *can't*." Ezra let go, and walked back to the end of the queue. "If you want to go home, I will do the shopping myself."

Crowley growled and returned to Ezra's side. He stuck his hands into the pockets and made a face of utter disdain and boredom. After a bit he began to rock his leg and look around restlessly. "Why can't we do it online? And here everyone thinks I'm mad." He sneered at a pompous man before them who eyed the pair as if he had never set foot in Soho before that day.

"Because they won't let me register. I kept trying. You can't sign up any more, and also, it's better to let the vulnerable use the service. We're able bodied, if nothing else."

He rubbed the small of Crowley's back, trying to be reassuring. "Perhaps they do, but it's their loss, and anyway, they don't get to marry you. Why don't you tell me what we need to get in for Passover, dear?"

"So what? My body inhabits a rather restless mind, however abled... What is this talk, Ezra? I don't want to be here!" Crowley pouted and didn't move. Instead he pulled out his phone to call his moms.

"Hi... I'm fine. Yes... Could you send me everything for the Seder? Also, I got engaged... I know, comes as no surprise, really... Ok, thank you."

He ended the call beaming at Ezra. "There. Seder all settled." He kissed him soundly on the lips. The man before them grunted that he wasn't allowed to snog his lover back in the day.

"Well that's progress for you," Ezra said, smiling a little too much at the man. And then held out his hand for Crowley. "Alright, tell me about the reason your mother hates the wicked flower garden. Or why apple trees, specifically." He had tried his best to get shopping sorted, but it felt wrong when there were old people who couldn't go out at all, or people bedridden. It just felt wrong if he was capable, to try to find a loophole. And distracting Crowley was better than letting him get frustrated.

"Mom just hates one flowerbed because I fell on it... There was so much blood," Crowley said dreamily. "But it's a good flowerbed, mind you. Remarkable geraniums... Oh, take the crisps with chilli, angel!"

"Alright, alright... what did you cut yourself on, the roses? And check there's no lemon juice on those please..." 

Ezra was not the most sensible and all of this having to shop was hard. And he kept wanting to pick up bacon. But he didn't, and instead picked up some veggie sausages. And far too many bread products. Apparently he'd forgotten about that, too. "What do you think of trying to cook thai?"

"Wicked. I will! Cut myself on a flowerbed itself. Just... Fell. You know? Angel, take the bloody bacon, and put down those damned veggie sausages."

"No. I'm being respectful. Veggie sausages are just as nice." They weren't. "And I want - I want to be better for you. Look, this is one of your five a day!"

"Put those wretched un-sausages back, take the bacon and kiss me."

Ezra glared. And put the sausages back. And then picked up chicken sausages. "Happy now?" He pecked Crowley's nose. "You're supposed to support me!"

"Take the normal sausages and bloody fucking bacon!!!"

"Crowley, I am not having this argument here, it's my choice what I eat, and if I want to eat the same as you, I will." He walked out of the meat aisle, despite the tutting around him.

Crowley dropped a ridiculous amount of bacon into their trolley and then added another ridiculous amount - of salted salmon. "Better? I'm not forcing anyone, let alone you, to observe kashrut! Now pick them rice crisps and be damned to spend the rest of your life with me."

"You're forcing me to *not* observe, by refusing to let me choose for myself. And how is that any better? I am *more* than thirty years old, and perfectly capable of making my own dietary choices. Now are you going to let me choose for myself or am I walking out of here and living off pot noodles for a week?"

"I love pot noodles," said Crowley. "Love you too. It's faux bacon. Just fancily smoked chicken. Love you to bits."

Ezra was beginning to get freaked out by the shop. Every time he came, something went wrong, and people were looking at him, and he was fighting a rising tightness in his chest and an urge to run screaming into the streets. "...let's... let's just... go home. I - let's get what we can and go."

"Oh... Angel, come here." Crowley pulled him into a hug. "I know it's a lot, I know, believe me. I'm with you, you're not alone..." A kiss. "You're not alone, you're safe with me. Let's grab some fruit and go to the cashier's, alright? I love you, and you'll never be lonely and will always be lovely. Shhh, I've got you, angel, you're here with me."

"I'm sorry." Fuck. He was supposed to be supporting Crowley, not the other way around. "I just - I hate this! And it's not even as if I'm suffering - I - yes... let's just get home." He was not going to cry. Not in a stupid little shop. Not when the people selling basic foodstuffs had it worse than him. "Come on..."

"I'm not as helpless as you think, Ezra. I did make it to this day, you know? Let's take some good ice cream too? And wine? Also, I've got you, you're not my carer or keeper. You're my love. I've never been so happy or at ease as during this week we've spent together. I've never been so sore either. My sex bomb." He laughed and blushed and pushed the trolley forward. "Oi angel, take some sliced mozzarella too, ok?"

"...please don't tell everyone about our sex life," he laughed, a little high-pitched, as he clapped hands over his eyes. "And I'm sorry. I just - I want to be a good husband for you... I mean, well. We will be. And... and I just... want everything to be perfect. Yes... let's get nice things and go. Before we're asked to go..."

"You're perfect for me," Crowley whispered at the cashier's. "Absolutely perfect. Just as you are. No effort required other than being honest with me."

"Well if I'm being perfectly honest, I very much want to sit with hot cocoa and a blanket and you. And then plan what we're going to do about our last names." The cashier packed their bag for them, and waited for him to step up to use the contactless payment, before they could heft the bags and leave.

Crowley hummed along, perfectly oblivious to everything but his own quiet bubble of happiness containing one (1) Ezra Fell. 

Of course the moment they entered their home, Crowley dropped everything and glared at Ezra: "What about last names?"

"...that... we might *want* to change them? I'm sorry? I thought we should discuss what our preferences were?" He was surprised by the response. "No?"

"You... You mean... You mean I can be..." Crowley was having a very happy asthma attack. His asthma was very happy, that is.

Ezra pushed his hands into pockets, finding the inhaler, and then pushed it at him. "Breathe. And - don't hit me!"

Crowley obediently breathed. "I won't hit you!" Managed Crowley. "I... Will be Crowley-Fell!" He smiled so stupidly Ezra had to kiss him to spare the future Dr Crowley any embarrassment.

Ezra beamed, and then hugged him, and then kissed him again. "Of course! But you can still be Crowley, but - you know - legally? Or - or whatever you like! And I can, or be the other way, or... we can do anything we like, really."

Crowley took in his surroundings and came to a conclusion he had been sitting on the floor. 

"I want you to be anything. I want to be Crowley-Fell. Dr Crowley-Fell... It has something... Respectable to it. Do you think I should get up or are we ok here?"

"Well, I did want to put things in the fridge and freezer... could I move you to the couch? And then come back and join you, Dr Crowley-Fell-to-be?"

"I'll put everything in the everything!" Crowley stood up in one smooth inhuman movement. "You sit on the couch! And be handsome!" Crowley grabbed everything and ran into the kitchen.

"Hey! No, I'm not letting you!" Ezra ran after him, rugby-tackle-grabbing his waist and skittering after him. "Partners, remember?"

"See no contradiction!" Crowley persisted. "You can call moms or anything... Movie. Book. You can look at me like my arse was sculpted by Michelangelo."

"Or I could make sure your ass doesn't fall off while you pack..." He pushed his hands underneath. "After all, it will be my husband's ass."

"It can't fall off..." Crowley looked over his shoulder at his arse. "It's... Kinda glued to me."

"Just because it hasn't so far, doesn't mean it won't. And it's a very nice one, so I should admire it..." He bent over behind him to keep hold as he packed.

"I'm not... Ok, alright, stay where you are..." Crowley proceeded to put everything where it belonged, alphabetically and by the colour. "There." He closed the fridge. "All yours. Now what?"

"Now... do you want to go through the games cupboard?"

"Sure. And through you... You..." Crowley cupped Ezra's face and kissed him tenderly, then more tenderly, then passionately, then cornering Ezra against the kitchen counter, then being pressed against said counter, smiling and even laughing when Ezra moved to kiss his neck.

"Insatiable," he grumbled, a hand moving to hitch under one knee, and bump their groins together. "Does the future Dr Crowley-Fell need the union consummating already? He's not wearing easy access clothes, but I'm sure his amorous intended could find a way to make sure he's happily sated before Scrabble..."

"Scrabble..." Crowley groaned which sent Ezra laughing to the opposite side of the kitchen. "What?"

"Or... strip Twister?" He wiggled his own ass as he left Crowley against the counter.

"No, no, why did you laugh? Why are you laughing?" Crowley came closer.

"Nothing... I'm just laughing. You can barely walk, even with your long limbs you'll never win..."

"Scrabble then... I'm aroused by the thought of you building words, angel... Uuuuugh... Hot!"

"Strip Scrabble?" Ezra countered.

"Elaborate," Crowley took off his jacket and began to unbutton his, well Ezra's shirt.

"...no, you forfeit... it's about making the other lose points and strip," Ezra complained, pushing his hands to stop.

"I want to return to my indoors attire," Crowley insisted and peeled his pants off. "Oh... Crotch freedom."

"You spoil the game." Ezra folded his arms over his chest. "And you do realise when the world is fixed, you can't run around half-naked, right?"

"What, not even at home, with my amorous husband? The one who didn't let me leave the bed this morning until I was all moaning and begging?" Crowley pressed himself against Ezra. "Not even when I want to ride you into the sunset." He nipped at Ezra's ear. "Come, angel... Build me a word worthy of our love."

"Here's the first... 'callipygian', it means..." Ezra pushed fingers between buttocks, over the boxers. "...having a perfectly fuckable bum."

"Oh, does it? I'll trust you. My response would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, which describes my love perfectly... Fuck!" Crowley pressed harder.

"That isn't worth anything in Scrabble, and you don't have the tiles to play it... dirty cheater." Ezra kneaded at said buttocks, and then pulled him around one thigh. "How about... our meeting was 'serendipitous'?"

"It was... And I was very serene about it all... Oh, angel..." His head dropped on Ezra's shoulder. "Blessed. Felicitous. Timely."

"How about... how about words for you. Beloved, enthralling, enticing, exhilarating... exquisite..." Ezra pushed a hand under his boxers, and ran a finger between his arse cheeks. "I could spell them out with my tongue on you...?"

"Kind... Gracious... Courteous... Compassionate. My love..." He breathed harder and dug his fingers into Ezra's shoulders.

******************

"Licentious, luxurious, lubricated..." He grinned, and pushed over his hole. "Do you think there's still some of this morning's load in you?"

"I... Don't think so... Don't think so... Love you." He lifted his head, indeed serene and sincere. "Love you, love you so fucking much... What can I do for you?"

"I think... maybe I'd like you to suck my cock, while I finger your hole and eat your ass... think I want to put a load inside of you..." He nudged the very tip of a finger at his rim, taking care not to be too rough. "I love your mouth on me... only problem is I don't get to hear you talk when your mouth is full."

"So, how about I'll give you my mouth first?" Crowley dropped on his knees. "You can talk to me... Then we'll swap... Switch. Whatever." He began to work Ezra's trousers open and once that was done, lowered them and boxers and gently took Ezra into his mouth.

"Oh fuck, but you're beautiful. That mouth... I always want it, but I want the things it says just as much... How can you be so incredibly bright? How do you cope with so much inside your head? Oh... my balls, please, dear one! And... You... Make my head swim and... Make m-me look at everything three times just to try see it... Like you do... Your hair is like fire, my love, no poet could ever capture you..." Too long, now, and he curled a lock around a finger.

Crowley obliged and made an effort to *not* try to answer to anything Ezra had said, but he thought it. Not bright, angel, just very chaotic... Chaotic system is a dynamical system that is very sensitive to its initial conditions, which I think I am. Speaking of which, rectangular billiard table, no the balls... Balls! The balls on it don't exactly behave chaotically, no, for this you need a stadium-shaped table, then shit happens, that is beauty emerges... This is too anal. It's somehow connected to the Riemann hypothesis... oh yes... Zeroes... I bet I'm not thinking of what I should but it's infinitely pleasant, to pleasure you, love, and think of chaos theory."

Ezra smiled, his eyes heavy-lidded as he gazed down at the creature between his thighs, the one who brought him such happiness, and not just between his knees. He knew a world of numbers and ideas swirled through him, and maybe he could understand that, if not the concepts. For him, it was echoes of texts. Strings of phrases, words, images. It was the book on the fifth aisle on the third shelf, a quarter of the way along. The one that had Scheherazade describing beauty, had the colours of gemstones. Or it was a song he'd heard, before he knew who sang it, with a dance of hunger that hadn't made sense to his young ears... 

Crowley pulled shocks of sensation from his skin, and swirls of emotion from somewhere much older, somewhere in his bones, or in the electricity that outlasted cells that were always changing. Maybe from 'him', whatever 'he' was. It seemed indecent to think about higher powers because your cock was being sucked, and his belly pulled taut as his hands clutched harder. 

"I love you," Ezra said, which was - it was true. But it wasn't right. No - it wasn't *enough*. It was words, and words were - good, but anyone could say that, and it - it - "I love you and I'm furious that I can't - can't tell you how much! How I'm terrified of it, and I wouldn't stop! How - how - my whole insides are - you're there, everywhere, and - and you're the first thing I think of and I'm going crazy and it sounds - sounds so - *empty* because I don't - can't say it like I mean it... Crowley... please forgive me!"

Crowley looked up puzzled and allowed himself to leave Ezra's cock for a moment - he didn't stop stroking him though. "I'm the one on my knees, angel... And I... I know. I understand. Like a restless oscillation inside, isn't it? Never stops or tires, and it feeds on itself... I know. Got it. Got you." He took Ezra back and continued his calm but fast rhythm, oscillation indeed, everything rhyming, measure rising, all the while remaining harmonious and oh so clever.

"No - yes - I - fuck!" It made him lift a leg, drape over a shoulder, pull him in. "Oh, oh fuck... I just - I can't say it enough, and - and I don't know what to do to - to - show you and... stop! Please... please, before - before I'm--" 

Ezra's mind stopped engaging with words, because too many of them all appeared at once, and they weren't in sensible formats. And then it wasn't words, it was the thing before the word, when the thing made sense and you had to remember how to convey it outside of you, and he smacked a hand into the counter, expressing intensity, if not detail. "CROWLEY!"

Crowley stopped his ministrations once again. "I want you to come... If you want, that is..." He patiently and reverently waited for Ezra's response.

"I always want... that's the problem." He ran a thumb over those sinful, plump lips. "Look me in the eyes. I want - I want you to watch. And then I'll give you whatever you want. I'll make a dildo out of the whole world if it's what you need... might need more lube, though."

"I want you to come," Crowley replied, resuming his caresses and obligingly leaving his eyes fixed on Ezra's.

"Anything... anything... please... oh, I love you, I love you!" He clawed at Crowley's shoulders, forcing himself to keep the eye-contact, even though he was ripped raw and open by it. How? How did he do it? Make him feel like he'd been flayed into all his internal organs thrown out for the birds to pick at? His whole self, all flaws and neuroses, unravelled with just the touch of his tongue? He was afraid, and then he wasn't, and then his eyes leaked and he was collapsing, panting, devastated and enraptured and everything between. "Crowley..." His voice was faint, shaking, and dripping with all he had no power to say.

Crowley slowly rose to his feet, trying to catch his breath and holding Ezra close. "Shhh..." He hissed. "I've got you... I've got you." He pulled Ezra's head to his shoulder. "You're alright, angel? You want to sit down? Talk to me, my sweet..."

Ezra's arms came up, a shaky, adrenaline-drunk hug as he tried to not fall over. His cock was still thrumming with every heavy beat of his heart, and he whimpered at how pathetically overcome he was. And then - brokenly - laughed. "You're going to marry me." Maybe he had lost it, because now he was laughing hysterically, and clawing him closer. "Why? You're so smart, so perfect... and you love me? You can't... you can't and - Crowley... anything. I swear. Anything. Just don't leave me, not ever!"

"Obviously I won't leave you! You fucking idiot..." Crowley hugged Ezra tighter, pressing his cheek to the top of Ezra's head. "And of course I love you. You... You're... Well, I don't have words for you. You rhyme with me and prove me and have me... I mean... I don't actually know what I mean. Just... Don't worry. There's no one better than you, at least for me, there is no one. I'm built to only rhyme once and to be mathematically proved - once and for all... I truly talk too much... Let's get you to bed, angel, before you collapse."

"Orange," Ezra said, as if that made perfect sense, and attempted to remove all the space between them. "Bed, and - and - you."

"Of course orange!" Crowley agreed wholeheartedly. 

He pulled Ezra along to the bedroom and gingerly laid him down. "I'm undressing you," he warned and did as he said.

"You, too," he said, reaching to touch, though he was mostly able to stroke while submitting to said undressing. "Will you fuck me? Please? I need you inside me..."

"Sure. Fingers? Toys?" Crowley tossed away his remaining clothes and crawled over Ezra to give him a long kiss.

Hands on skin, parting his legs and trying to grind up against him. The kisses were distracting, and slow, slow-burning. "Toys. Want... want you to enjoy it. Want you to enjoy fucking me. Please... I... I need you." Why was it so difficult to say that? He'd been fucked plenty, but - for some reason - right now, it felt... different. Maybe it was the world, or maybe it was them, or maybe it was both. But he wanted something, and wanted to give something, and his blue eyes tried to convey just what. "Please, my tree. Plant your roots, wind into me... I... I don't know what I'm saying... please understand?"

"I do. Hm..." He opened the drawer. "How about the double-decker?" He pulled out a double-ended dildo.

"Does it have a parking permit?" Ezra asked, with a soft smile. "Anything, Crowley, anything."

"Guess it has its own permanent parking spot..." Crowley replied, utterly serious, examining the dildo. He gingerly put it on the pillow next to Ezra along with a bottle of strawberry flavoured lube. "So..." He crawled over Ezra again, his lubed fingers softly touching his rim. "Where were we?"

"I think I was trying to tell you how much I love you... and how you blow my mind, far more than my dick?" He ran his fingers over Crowley's chest, down to his nipples, over his belly. "And hoping you'd tell me how you want me."

"How much or which way?" Crowley asked with a pensive hum. His finger pushed inside, just a bit. "So... I want you very much. Want to crawl inside and never leave... Which would make me a parasite... Awful. I'm a caring parasite though. Will train your leucocytes to fight anyone... Would be a fierce army, you know." Deeper inside, welcomed. "Now about how I want you... It's complex. I want to put the thing inside you... Then sit on my end and just... Ride with you into the sunset on a double-decker."

"I'd welcome you all the way inside, but you're already there. Emotionally, if not physic-ALLY..." He arched, tensing, seeking more of that touch. "M-may you r-ride on my back, forever, arms around m-me... Arrrristophanes s-said we were... once one, and Zeus split us in two, and w-we just want to be back to the one we should be..."

He sucked his lips in, noisily. "S-should I roll? H-how do you want me to - where?"

"Stay where you are... Wasn't it Plato?" Another finger. "But this theory implies you're incomplete without your partner... And you are complete." He kissed Ezra's eyelids. "It's just more fun when we're together." The third finger. "Shh... Angel, you're cutting my fingers off which is gross and might make us stop our pleasant ride."

"Plato, but it was - it was Aristophanes' pr-presentation... and maybe I could function, but it doesn't mean I was happy... not as happy as I could be..." He dropped his head, slightly sulkily, because it felt good and he wanted more. "Then please, board the bus?"

"Sure," Crowley purred. He sat up coating the dildo with lube on both ends and humming. "I want to try... Hm... Sync!" He brightened. 

Unbending the toy a bit, he sat on his end, slowly sliding in, as his hand carefully pushed Ezra's end onwards, inside. "Ahh..." He sighed, content. "Wonderful, don't you think?" He moved on his knees to place himself directly above Ezra, the toy bending along with his movements. "There... Shall we?"

"Yes," Ezra breathed, dreamily, reaching for thighs to stroke and hold. "Oh, yes... does it feel good for you, my demon tree?"

"Hm... Not yet, not entirely," Crowley answered with sudden sharp clarity to his voice, and then snapped his hips forward and down, pushing the toy as deep inside as he could. "Now... Now it feels properly... Entirely good." He leaned down to kiss Ezra on the lips, as one hand slithered under Ezra's knee and pushed the leg up, and the other found its way under Ezra's head. 

[Ezra was all too happy to be moved and manoeuvred into place, guided so he could be used, so Crowley could take his pleasure, too. He couldn't stop watching his face, eyes tracking eyes, lips, up, down... his hands went to hips, chasing the movement, wishing only that Crowley could feel the way his body moved around the toy as he could when they fucked... but he liked this, too, didn't he?

He must... because he could feel the twitches, the changes in breathing, and he grabbed hold of shoulders when the angle turned to press at that sweet spot that had his spent cock stiffening despite itself. It was almost painful, but sweet, and he dug his nails in as the urge to rut and grind was denied by the demon fucking himself - fucking them both - and pinning him down. "Crowley, I'm yours, all yours, always... anything you want... it's yours, I swear..."

"Hush, angel... I know." A very soft kiss on Ezra's temple. "I know." He lowered himself grinding his belly against Ezra's body and cupping his face so gently it was but a breathe of a touch. "Oh angel... Hold me closer, alright? Don't want a hair between us."

His legs bent, twisted, finding some space to cross under Crowley's ass, giving him something to rock against, pulling their groins closer. He pawed at his shoulders, his neck, plastering his fiance so close that everything was soft, warm, clutching, holding... "Oh, oh... only you. Only you, I promise. T-tell me how it feels, please?"

"It feels you," Crowley replied, painfully, entirely serious, as if in prayer. "Just you... No, not like that... You. Everything and everywhere. Don't want to leave you." He buried his face in Ezra's neck, only his hips kept moving, steadily and without fail.

"Then don't. Don't leave me. Stay with me forever. When... When you touch me it's... It's not sex, it's..." He knew it, but not the words, and he met the movements, hands trying to caress, to glide, to hold and soothe. "Prove me. Balance me. That... That theory, the one for everything... It's not numbers, it's... You. Us. This." He was talking nonsense, or maybe it just felt like it because the rest of the time he tried to speak words, and this wasn't words. "Hold me. I'm. I'm. How?"

"Holding..." Crowley whispered. "Do you want to come? Or just... I can slow down," he did just that. "Just... Rock with you... You're my sweetest mechanics and surest relativity... I love you, angel. I've got you."

"I... I want you to... I want you to be happy... I need to know..." He was dazed, and blissed, and thrumming, and bigger than he should be. It was torture, but the best kind. Strange, to not be able to control, to be forced to take, to feel. It tugged at something. Not the need to chase his own, but the fear of being pleased, of being selfish, of taking. "Tell me? Crowley... Tell me, please!"

"What should I tell you, love? You want to hear what I feel? I'm feeling warm, star-like, full to the brim, love and fire out of my eyes and turning into sand and water... Some alchemy here, angel. I'm feeling your pleasure, I love it that we're happy together. Love how we fit. Love how we're... Intimate. Close. I love you."

Was he crying? He didn't know. His face was hot, his thighs were shaking, and he was close, so close. The steady pressure, the belly against his, the soft words, intense focus, it was so much and the angle was... Was almost... "Tell me to come, please, and... And... Take what you need..."

"You idiot... *I* need you to come for me, angel. I'm holding you, I've got you. Come to me, angel."

How could Ezra refuse? It was strange, to climax from penetration alone, and the pleasure was less direct, more diffuse, or maybe it was that his balls were empty and the climax had him shaking and clutching, pushing his face into Crowley's neck as he juddered through his release.

Crowley held him, pressing him down, into the sweat-wet sheets. "There you are..." He raised his head to look at Ezra, both messy and sweaty and smiling. "Hello, you." Crowley pushed back, taking the toy with him and slowly removing the other end from himself. "I'm very... Well-fucked." He fell clumsily back on Ezra's chest, cheek to solar plexus. "If you draw something on my back, that would be lovely..."

"Mnnnhh... but you?" He pushed fingers into the join of spine to skull, the others scratching very light swirls and whirls into panting skin. "Want you... come too... more..." He had no energy to move, but he let his hands speak for himself. His eyes blown, his lips parted.

"I haven't come yet, angel... If you allow me to sit on your face, I'd love that too. But I'm not in any hurry. So if you're feeling obliged, either I smack you or you'll have to make a nest between my legs and I can't promise I won't fall asleep." Crowley giggled.

"Love to. Love you." He pushed his belly at Crowley, dreamily. "Let me..."

"Can I catch my breath? Can I have a proper cuddle?" Crowley grumped. "Can I like, swoon over you and rejoice in my lying on you?"

"Come here, then." Ezra made grabby hands, trying to get Crowley to come up closer. "Cuddle me. And - just - you lead." He was too calm and sated to argue.

"M cuddling you my way," Crowley yawned. "Can we postpone my orgasm until tomorrow? Or is there a minimum? I came... Three times in the morning. You made me ejaculate, you... Dirty angel."

"...lemme kiss your cock goodnight?" he asked, carding his hair. "Juss'a little... then... sleeps?"

"You're cheating on me with my cock." Crowley said sleepily. And the next moment he was on his feet, alert and as awake as possible. "Dinner! We didn't have dinner. Or lunch! Oh no... Gotta cook!" He practically stumbled from the bed and walked to the kitchen hitting the walls and swaying more than usually. 

Then he returned, even more frantic. "I need to wash myself before I cook!" And walked into the bathroom door.

"CROWLEY!" Ezra tried to use the Force, before remembering he didn't have it. "Nap! Cuddle! Food after?' Which was testament to how sleepy he was feeling. "Get a cereal bar if you're worried. There's some by the lube."

Crowley scrambled himself off the floor and made his way back to bed where he fell face down. "Why do you keep food by the lube?" He said into the mattress.

"Because my fiance forgets to eat, but knows where the lube is," came the very simple reply. "Please eat one, and then come back to cuddle."

"If I eat one, I'll be thirsty. Do you keep a teapot somewhere too?" Crowley made his way to Ezra. "I'm sore." He informed, curling by Ezra's side.

"No, but there is also a juice carton, because I know you." He kissed at his hair. "Do you want a cereal bar and a carton of juice?"

"I'm thirty!"

Ezra rolled over, and grabbed the box, and pushed it into his chest. "Drink."

"No, I won't." Crowley turned his back to Ezra. And the juice.

"Well, I'll drink it, then spit it into your mouth," he threatened, but jokingly. He punctured the foil with the straw, and held it in front of his face. "Drink, and I'll go make tea."

"Won't." Crowley wiggled himself under the blankets and pushed them up to his hair.

"Alright." He started to slurp noisily on the straw, finished it, then got up on shaky legs he had to kick out. He was less graceful and more waddle, but he didn't give a shit that he was naked as he went off to the kitchen.

"Don't take that arse away from me!" Crowley wailed.

"I'm busy... feeding YOUR arse!"

"I'm not hungry! I wanted to feed YOU. You called me to cuddle and then just waddled away like the handsome drake you are! Bastard..."

"If you want to feed me, it means you need to eat," he called back, and then a few minutes later he had two bowls of ice cream, and a large bottle of fruit-infused water. "Now are you going to pout, or join me?"

"Pout. I will pout. You abandoned me. I won't sit on your face."

"I could eat all of this alone," Ezra suggested, climbing back into bed. "No need to eat you if I eat all of this. And you said you didn't want any more orgasms, so..."

Crowley harrumphed and remained with his back to Ezra. "I'm sad now," he said after a while. "Feels like you're angry with me... I know you're not, I mean, I hope you're not. You can't be angry with me because I don't want to eat... I wasn't talking well to you... I'm sorry."

Ezra pushed a bowl into Crowley's lap. "I'm not angry with you. But if you don't eat the ice-cream, please eat the cereal bar, and drink the strawberry-kiwi water I made for you. You *are* thirsty."

"No..." Crowley replied quietly. "Don't want to..." He sighed and turned around to grab a bottle, downed it and cuddled it. "No... Sad."

"For me?" Ezra batted his eyelashes. "Or something else? Just a little snack?" He pushed his nose behind an ear. "Darling... let me take care of you."

"I'm sad... I'm sad." It would have been easy to dismiss it, had it not been said with such honesty. Crowley sounded genuinely surprised about his state of mind and appalled and scared and humbled by it, all the same.

"And I'm sad that I made you sad..." Ezra picked up the two bowls, and put them to one side. "So how do I make you not-sad?"

"You didn't make me sad... " Crowley replied forlonly. "I can't say. I know what I want and I don't want to say it, and it's stupid... But... Love me, please? Just your... Hands on me, from behind?" He was blushing and squirming. "Say you want me... That you're not angry."

"I'm not angry. I'm never angry. I'm just... worried about you. You take care of me, but - but I need to take care of you." He wrapped an arm around his waist, first, and kissed faintly over his neck. "I want you. I want you happy, and safe, and sure you're loved. It's all I want." He pulled him closer, and nosed up into his short hair. "Lie with me, my weeping willow. Let me be the wind between your catkins."

Crowley burst out laughing. "I love your pillow talk, angel. Hope I'm just as fluffy and soft as a catkin." He turned his head slightly and kissed Ezra's chin.

"Look, I may not be a botanist, but I'm not entirely stupid," he said, grinning and relieved that he was cheering up. "Let me love you, my exotic cultivar." He tightened his arm, and used his weight to bear Crowley down onto his side, snuggling tight up against his rump. "I want to feel you photosynthesise..."

"You'll have to shine on me." Crowley shifted his shoulders, rubbing them against Ezra's chest.

"Well, you're the scintillating one of us. I just reflect your light back to you, like the moon faced with the sun..." His knees bent, and one hand was set on mapping every plane and angle of his lover's torso. A shuffle more, and he spooned up snugly, and let his fingers stroke the soft skin of his belly, and then brush like a breeze over his hair. "I adore you, you silly tree."

Crowley purred and let out a tender, pleading moan, bringing his hands to settle on Ezra's wrists.

"Let me water the soil beneath your feet, let me nourish you, and flood you with all the light and love you need. Shelter you from the worst of the storms... let me be the stake you cling to..." Between his words, he left sweet, soft kisses over any part of him he could reach, rocking his over-stimulated and totally-incapable cock against him, enjoying just the feel of pressure with no need to perform. 

He stroked over the closed lips, then pushed a steady, even pressure over the whole area. Light squeezes to pinch his labia together, light and increasing grinding against the shaft that rose to meet his touches. "I'll never be angry with you, not truly. I love you too much, you ridiculous, beautiful thing... I'm afraid you're wearing out my tree-speak, though. I might have to resort to bad puns..."

"Song of songs," Crowley moaned. "You can definitely resort to it... Plenty botanical imagery there... Gd speaks tree perfectly, of this I'm sure..."

".... I'll need to study, I'm afraid I'm out of practice... And surely the Creator speaks every tongue, they made them, after all..." 

A wriggle, and his other arm pushed under and around. Tiny little kitten licks to his ear, and he hooked two fingers under and around the shaft, so his other hand could rub at the base of Crowley's opening. Each tug stroked him wider, and urged more of that sweet lubrication to follow. "Perfect tree. Ready to work with his bee. Flowers, fruit, stamen and all..." Two fingers, finding the entrance with unerring ease, flexing into him. "But I'd rather praise the wild dryad spirit inside..."

Crowley choked on a laugh. "Please... Whatever you need, fussy bee..." He turned his head to poke the underside of Ezra's chin. "I love how you know me... Feel better than any of your books. You always open me on the right page, don't you, angel?"

"It's like you're a book I've loved for years, I know the words by heart, but I want to see them pushed into the page... The stark black ink bleeding very softly if you know where to look... You were a first edition. Some leaves hadn't been split since printing. No one had seen between them, but my fingers prised them open..."

The slow, subtle fucking continued. He was in no rush, neither was Crowley, and he found the places that nerves bundled together in, swirling and coiling like a magician taming smoke. "I could hold you all night, just hold you and dance you closer and closer, hold you by the event horizon, catch you in the Lagrangian point... Don't you know how precious you are to me? All the planets around all the stars in all the galaxies... All the people in all the years... And it's your garden I fall into the gravity of..."

"Caught me... Got me..." Crowley decided to leave his beaky nose at Ezra's neck. "I don't need relativity to know it... Quantum physics is quite enough. Complex and small... Tiny. World changing... Yes, keep me like this, on the edge, in waiting... D wait for you like a tree..."

"Ride me like the tides, my love. Chase the melody in the air..." His eyes closed in gentle satisfaction as he pushed, finding the softer, spongy places. Finding where Crowley's body pushed back. Finding the end of him, his fingerpad meeting the cervix and drawing a tight circle. His other hand used two fingers and thumb to urge his cock harder, to flood with blood and sensation.

"Oh fuck... Angel... So good, so good to me..." Crowley keened and arched back. "Want nothing but this. Just this, just this... How come it's so new and mind-blowing every time? You've done it before, a lot... Aaargh, angel!"

"Because I love you," he said, with complete, utterly convinced sincerity. "Because I love to love you."

He pushed three fingers in, then four, and used the other hand to press the downy edges around where they joined, making a seal and urging wet, slick pops and squelches with every wiggle and grind. "You smile and I fall in love all over. I'm so happy you're in my life. Without you, I'd never survive this."

Crowley screamed clenching and gasping, clawing at Ezra's arms, a long, long shiver from his hair to his toes. He could barely breathe and definitely forgot how to close his mouth. "Don't... Don't stop. One more... Fuck, angel, one more!"

"One more? You want my whole hand?" The fingers bent and curled, the back of his knuckles and fingers pressing at both sides, kneading and hithering out the sighs and moans. "Want to come on my hand, dear?"

Crowley opened his eyes, wide and searching. "Your... Whole hand? Inside me?"

"Would you like me to try?" His thumb teased over outer lips, then his fingers curled into half a first, stretching him as he did. "I know you can take it."

"How do you know that?" Asked Crowley in awe.

"Amazing thing, human body. And if you're aroused enough... Maybe I also looked on your website to see..." His bent thumb rubbed just at the rim, his other hand combing dark, sunset curls away and massaging to ease the tension. "All of me, inside of you. Hollowing you out, and filling you back up until there's no space between..."

"I... I know it can be done. How can you be so sure that I can?"

"I have four fingers inside you, my precious one... Can't you feel how you're ready?"

"Yes... I trust you." Crowley nodded. "Talk to me though, ok?"

"You can't shut me up. I'm not as eloquent as you, but..." His hand pulled out, then pushed his thumb into his fist and pushed against him. 

"I feel so close to you, it's humbling to be with you. To take your pleasure in my hands, to share this moment..."

Crowley whimpered. Perhaps somewhere in the multiverse there was one specific universe where this was a language and perhaps Ezra could understand it, since after all love is transcendental. 

In short what Crowley was trying to say, very badly, was "I'm going to turn into a universe, just whoops, bang, and there... And you'll need to track me down forever... Don't let me go, angel, I'll be a very lonely universe without you... Very."

"Let go, my dear, let me take over... let me guide you, let me guard you... fall into me, my dear. Ease into the bliss, feel nothing but pleasure..." He pressed three fingers under his cock, and then used the sudden flicker and twitch in his muscles to thrust inside. He kissed his neck, and cooed softly. "That's it, that's it, I have you, I have you my dear thing..."

He clenched his teeth hard. It wasn't painful, but it definitely was strange, and as he relaxed, he felt sweet albeit sweaty, felt the way his muscles stretched, obeying Ezra's touch. "My nearest, my twin prime... There you are." He breathed out.

"Here I am... inside of you. As you are deep inside of me..." He didn't move inside, but his fingers moved over his shaft, like a musician plucking the vibrations from a taut string. "Vibrate for me. Sing for me. Come for me, forever. Come over the edge... stay on the horizon... show me your light..." His fist started to push into him, the fingers barely wiggling.

Crowley arched back, shivering and trembling, wildly but pleasantly distressed string indeed, all around his own cord, vibrating, echoing, rushing forward in waves. 

He came so quietly Ezra wouldn't have noticed had he not had his hand clenched and crushed and pressed by Crowley's bliss.

"So good, so good for me... coast that wave... let it wash through you... I have you, I have you... my beautiful, perfect darling... let yourself fly... you're here, I'm here, I have you..." He kept the touches subtle, trying to draw out those clutching, pulsing, breathy little moments stretching out for as long as he could. "I have you. I'm never letting go." He could hold him like this forever, basking in the pleasure he could summon with just his hands. It's what it felt like, as Crowley's heartrate slowed in his embrace.


	10. Same old, same old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening proceeds with the same  
> Ineffable lovers' game  
> There's heartfelt processing  
> And much reassessing  
> But mostly they're keeping the flame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear trees and bees and gentle readers. Ty for staying with us. We do dearly love kudos and comments. Stay safe. 
> 
> Sex is shy behind the asterisks.

It was much later before Crowley began to stir properly, and Ezra nuzzled at his nape, purring softly. "Hello, darling, are you back with me?"

"Where was I?" Crowley whispered. He twisted his body to give Ezra a gentle peck and smiled, so dazed and confused it couldn't be true, but bugger all, was true most certainly.

"I think... you were right here, with me. And also possibly everywhere in the universe at once... or just sleepy." Ezra beamed widely. "I need to feed you, you know. And me. You could feed me, and I could feed you. Screwing like that is rather tiring."

"... Disembark..." Crowley asked.

"Of course, my dear." Ezra pulled Crowley onto him, then cuddled him, and rolled again, getting him to the edge of the bed. "Are you ready?"

"Definitely... How many legs do I have again? Can I crawl to... Bathroom?" Crowley hugged Ezra and happily snuggled up his neck.

"Two, which is the mode, and maybe mean, but not median." Ezra wiggled toes against Crowley's. "Do you need help?"

"Help me crawl?"

"Or walk. I could help you walk..."

"Alright..." Crowley sighed heavily. "I was happy back there... I mean, ten centimeters before. Ready. Let's get it on with."

"You can be happy again... come on, beautiful thing... you can't stay in bed all day. But you get to come back." Ezra squeezed Crowley's hip. "Food."

"Me? Maybe... But if you eat me, you won't have me." He sniffled.

"No. Eat food with you. When I eat you, I don't eat you *up*. I eat you *out*." Ezra grabbed his boyfriend's crotch, and gently squeezed. "Food, and frolic later."

"Can't frolic... Sore." Crowley slowly rose and climbed off the bed. "Where now?"

"Shower? I could clean you..." Ezra rose behind him, and wrapped his arms around Crowley's belly, then hefted him up and started to walk towards said bathroom.

"Oi angel... What are you doing?" Crowley didn't insist on complaining though, relaxing into the embrace while his gangly legs swayed with each step Ezra took.

"Kidnapping you. Taking you to be assaulted by soap." Ezra wasn't managing very well, so he moved to a fireman's carry, and swaddled Crowley close, to get him into the tub. "And then, I'm going to manhandle you into the kitchen. And I'm going to torture you with noodles."

"Oh the horror," Crowley replied, unimpressed. However he was very much impressed with how strong Ezra turned out to be, so he kissed up Ezra's arms and told him "You... Are a very special, very strong tree." He framed Ezra's face. "K'tapuach be'ezei ha'yar ken dodi ben ha'banim, be'tsilo khimadeti ve'yashavti u perav matok l'khiki." Crowley chanted in whisper looking into Ezra's eyes unwaveringly.

"I'm afraid, my 'tree' is rusty..." Ezra got the water closer to what he knew (by now) was acceptable, and started to lather the soap over them both. "But it's beautiful... and I know, it's not 'tree'... I'm just... rusty. Take pity on me, but never stop."

"I said "an apple-tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. Under its shadow I delighted to sit, and its fruit was sweet to my taste." This is what I said, angel..." Crowley sat hugging his own knees, hair hanging down and hiding his face.

Ezra pushed hair back, smiling with an achingly-tight feeling in his chest. "It sounds more beautiful coming from your lips, knowing you mean it. Would you... teach me? Or read to me?"

"Sure," Crowley said to his knees, water running down his back, while he remained quite indifferent to it or its temperature. "Get down, angel."

"As you insist...."

***

First thing after the shower, Crowley put on some clothes. He even opted for his own t-shirt (David Bowie, Aladdin Sane), but persisted when Ezra tried to encourage him to wear his own boxers or better still, pants. Crowley vengefully found the most embarrassing of Ezra's boxers and put them on. They had little hearts and flowers print. 

After that Crowley moved to the kitchen. 

It was lovely, how they kept bumping into each other, kissing and touching and arguing how much salt should have been used. Crowley made something poor, Polish and Yiddish - potatoes with sausages. "It's called kielbasa, angel. It's simple, nutritious, very... I suppose unhealthy. Want to make salad?" Crowley opened the wine and poured them both a glass. "To my apple tree," he said into Ezra's ear. "I'm such a sap... Bleh... But you are, you know? My apple tree."

"Sap is perfectly appropriate around trees," Ezra said, as he toasted the suggestion. It was perhaps an odd collection of things, but it worked. 

He'd barely sat down, when the phone went. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. A text.

He glanced down, and then went back to the dish. 

Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. 

Another text. 

Buzz buzz. Buzz....

Crowley kept saying something until the feeling that all joy was being slowly stolen from Ezra's face overcame him. 

"Angel? You're ok? I think someone's... Calling you."

"Yes. It's..."

What if he was sick? What if...

"I think I need to take this. Please... Keep eating, I'll be just a moment."

Ezra rose, taking his phone, and walked into the next room. Still in line of sight, just a little further back.

Crowley shifted in his chair, unconsciously following Ezra with his eyes. 

He turned to Crowley as he answered the call, smiled - at him, not at the caller - sad, worried, precious wrinkles around his eyes, the clarity of his gaze... "What is it, angel?" Crowley thought. "Who dared worrying you?"

Ezra took a deep breath, and answered. "Hello?"

"Ezra, it's your father."

"Yes, I am aware of--" No, don't be snotty. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes." A pause. "I was calling to see that... that you were. Alright."

"I am fine, yes." It was awkward, uncomfortable. The kind of conversation where it's happening because you know it should, not because you want it to. 

"You... I heard that London is not a good place."

"It never was," Ezra drawled. "Terrible den of sin and iniquity." 

"I meant the virus."

Missing the point as ever. Ezra wondered if there was an ulterior point to this call, or... "I'm fine." He should try to be nice. After all, hope, eternal, springs and whatnot. "I'm still in the shop. I'm... living with my fiance." 

"You are engaged?"

"Yes." Now he was doing the laconic thing, too. 

"Congratulations."

"He's Jewish. Oh, and he doesn't have a dick." Now he was being antagonistic, and he couldn't explain why. 

"Oh."

"That's it? 'Oh'?"

"I don't understand all... that. But if you're happy... then I'm glad."

"I tell you I'm engaged to a trans, Jewish man, and you say 'oh'?"

"Your mother always said you were different. She knew... people."

"You knew I was queer? Since I was *five*? And you never said-- wait, Mum knew?"

"Yes. And you were young. And I - I thought if you wanted to talk about it, you'd talk about it. I gave you books."

Books. He gave him books. All this time, apparently he had never needed to talk about 'it' because they knew, but they'd just been waiting? Well, his mother had passed away before he could even... 

"Is that why you dumped me at Grandpa's?"

"Dumped you? Ezra... you liked talking to him. You talked to him almost as much as your Mum. I thought it was good for you."

"And you didn't think I wanted to talk to *you*?" 

"You pushed me away every time I tried."

Crowley remembered there was a meal in front of him and that it was bad to eavesdrop. But Ezra looked both so broken and defiant, that he had to stand up and approach him. His hands held Ezra before he had given them any permission to do so. Sweet nonsense, saved mostly for lovemaking, poured out of his mouth. "Sh... I'm here, angel... You're doing so well... Must have taken a page or two from my book." He chuckled and licked Ezra's ear.

"You were supposed to - you were--" Ezra tugged on his hair until his scalp hurt. "You were supposed to make me talk!" 

"...how?" He sounded hurt, confused, and it was maybe the first time Ezra had heard those tones.

Crowley was curled around him, and Ezra pushed his face in his hair and breathed in. Salty tears fell into his red hair, and he grabbed hold of the shirt under his fingers, and it - it was - why couldn't he --

"My mother just died, and - and you sent me away! I just wanted you to bloody hug me and tell me it would be alright! I was *five*, Dad! Five! And you - you were supposed to know what to do!"

"...I didn't. I'm sorry. Your mother... she always knew what to do. She just... told me to try. It... I... I missed her, too. I'm sorry I wasn't her."

Ezra wondered if he should ask what he'd wanted to, when he'd been so young. When he'd been pushed into books, and an older man's shop. When he'd hated his dad for surviving instead of his mum. And then he realised... his dad had been mourning, too. Not that it meant he shouldn't have helped, but... he had cared, hadn't he? He'd sent him where he thought it would help. He'd *tried*. And it hadn't been what he needed, but...

He snuffled deeper into hair, felt hands that stroked him, and soft words. Soothing, caring, if somewhat odd at times. A voice that made sense to him, but not to everyone. He'd been young, but he knew his mother was caring, loving. Knew his parents had been happy, and his mother couldn't have loved someone who didn't love her back just as much...

Shit. All those things he'd read. About communication, processing, interaction. All those things he'd had to adapt and relearn. He cast his mind back to years ago, and it all made so much fucking sense. 

"Dad..."

"Ezra?" 

The tones he'd always thought were disapproving and judging, which he'd hyper-attuned himself to loathe... they were more complex, now his ears were further from the ground. He could hear worry, and hear the fingers twirling in the phone's curly cord. The fidgeting gestures. The anxiety he showed in ways Ezra had never understood.

"You - you love me, right?"

"Of course I do." He said it like the simplest truth. "I just wanted to make you happy."

To his dad, it was obvious. To Ezra, it hadn't been. He clung tighter to Crowley, and felt his stomach attempt to leave by way of his navel. "I - I am." He could taste bile. Bile and self-loathing, and... pity? Empathy? Grief? 

"Please... if you want me to come to the wedding..."

"Of course I bloody do!" he laughed, although somewhat self-deprecatingly. "Dad... I do love you, too." He did. He always had. He'd just... it had hurt. It had hurt to feel all alone. And he was kicking himself that they both had been. 

"What's his name?"

"Crowley. Crowley-Fell, before long. Anthony."

"Please tell him I am happy he makes you happy. I will send you a card if the shop has any."

"Y-you don't need to."

"Your mother said they matter. I will send you a card. Please do not be unsafe. I have to go... it's time for the news. I watch it."

"Okay. Okay... love you."

"Love you, too. Goodbye, Ezra." Click.

Crowley ignored the end of the conversation being concentrated on suppressing his moans, when Ezra's breath touched his hair. "My beautiful, beautiful, beautiful angel... My apple tree, how happy I am by you, how sweet is your fruit and fuck everyone who would be stupid enough to forbid it to me... I can be so normal," he kissed Ezra's neck. "Can be normally cruel, if you need me to. Can be anything... Should I... But no, you said you loved him." He raised his head to gaze at Ezra as if he had been the only thing worth having sight. "I love you too. Who hurt you? What should I do?"

"My dad," he said, locking the phone, slipping it away. "He says he's happy for us."

"Oh... Well, that's good." Crowley nodded into Ezra's shoulder. "So don't need to punch him. Or kill him. I love you. All... Other things, they don't matter." He clutched and crumped Ezra's shirt. "You're ... You're perfect. And mine. I guess."

"No. He's. He's... he's just... lion. To a tiger. Speaks a different language." Ezra nuzzled Crowley some more. "Can we just... watch a movie for a while? I need to not be thinking."

"Sure... Should I spoon-feed you? You barely touched your food." Crowley held Ezra's face to look closer at him. "I love you," he said, so serious, so well-meaning and open and trusting. "I love you so fucking much. I don't know how people live without you."

"I'm apparently an acquired taste," Ezra sniffled. He was struggling to meet Crowley's eyes, trying to avoid them instead. "M-maybe. And - I love you too. I just... it's too much to think about, right now. Everything, I mean. Not you. I'm not sure I can... I just need to not think at all for a while."

Crowley nodded shortly and equally shortly pushed Ezra to fall on the sofa. He left and returned with a glass indecently full of whiskey, albeit on the rocks. "Drink." The glass was pushed into Ezra's hand. "Think of me." He kissed Ezra's forehead. "Pick a movie, I'm doing the dishes. I love you and you're awesome and I'd fuck you for days." He left again.

Pick a movie. Pick... there were far too many, and he didn't want any of them. That was the problem. Anything he could think of, he'd seen, or he didn't want to see, or he didn't want to watch while feeling bad, or he just... it reminded him of something, or... he pushed the remote button. Scrolled. Scrolled. 

By the time Crowley came back, he'd slumped and pushed his head into the cushions in an attempt to not exist.

"Angel?" Crowley swiftly pulled Ezra up. "You're not ok. It's a bit late. How about we go to bed and that's it?"

"...sure." He remembered he was supposed to get up, but that didn't translate into doing it.

Unperturbed, Crowley, yanked Ezra up and held him around the waist. "I think I shouldn't ask about it, but I also think I want to know so that I can help. Did he tell you something?"

Everything. Nothing. Ezra hadn't processed it, and wasn't sure he could. Not enough to know what he felt, or what he could say. It was all just... words. Thoughts. A tangle of decades' worth of things, and a crushing weight and a screaming child and... "Yes. But... I don't know how to say it in... in Ezra, let alone tree."

"Say it anyway you think you can," Crowley shrugged. He sat Ezra on the bed and began undressing him, cursing under his breath. 

"Bloody hell... Why do you wear all these layers, my dearest onion. I'm crying bitter tears here." A quick, reassuring peck on the lips. A few more items tossed away to be painstakingly folded later. Finally Ezra was sufficiently naked to be tucked under the blanket. Crowley dimmed the lights and walked around the room to put things into order. "You want me to join you? I want to join you. Very much. Even if you don't say anything. You're so far from me."

"Yes... please. I don't want to be alone... I just..." He reached out, just one hand. "I - I - don't know how to word it. I mean, how to make it right in words. It's - there's so much, and it's stupid, and - and - please, just... lie with me first?"

Crowley nodded, and the next thing Ezra knew was Crowley all along his body, holding him and rocking them both gently. "Tell me... So I can help. Want to help. Want me to help? Want to talk? I love you, you are beautiful, and you are my tree and I love it when you call me your little tree. It's the best thing anyone ever called me."

"You mean, 'Crowley' wasn't better?" Ezra teased, his fingers seeking warm skin, his heart slowing a little under the contact. His eyes closed, and it was a while before he could say anything. "He wanted to know we were - well I was - okay. And I told him about you."

"Hmmm..." Crowley agreed. "Used my technique too. Proud of you."

"...you mean, told him about... who you are?" He blinked at him.

"That too," Crowley snatched a kiss, soft and sweet.

"Then... what? I'm sorry... please. I'm not sure I trust what I think any more."

"Shh... It's ok, angel. I mean... You talked to him like... Like you... There was a lot of irritation, something worn and old. But then something shifted... You're very bittersweet tonight and a tiny bit smashed like a young cherry tomato."

"You're not going to put me on bruscetta, are you?" Ezra snuffled a little, and took a heavy sigh. "He... ah... he said... Mum knew. That I was different, and I think he meant 'queer'. He... wasn't surprised by you at all. And - and now I'm wondering if..." Ezra felt like throwing up. "Crowley. I think... I think he and I just haven't spoken... spoken well. Ever. I think... I think he's 'different', too. But more like you, than me...?"

"Will eat you only metaphorically. But literally too. Mostly metaphorically, though..." Crowley gently bit Ezra's nose. "Well... This is a very Freudian discovery, but still not an unpleasant one, I hope. I suppose. You can catch up. Maybe he'll like me. If you ever want me to meet him, that is."

"...do you want to?" Ezra ran his tongue over Crowley's lips. "Doesn't it worry you? That - that - I could be so... that we could be so incapable of talking? I thought he hated me!"

"Now that you mention it... Yes, I definitely want to eat you... It scares me shitless. But we... We rhyme. Attuned. You grew up you, kind and... And you. You might get to know him anew... Hm..." Crowley kissed down Ezra's neck and moved aside to kiss his shoulder. "Delicious... Mouthwatering... Sorry, you were having an existential crisis." Crowley returned to Ezra's face. "Do go on."

"But Crowley... if I could get that so wrong... I was so angry with him! I was - I was angry... I thought he didn't care about me." He didn't seem too worried by the threatened cannibalism. "I was awful to him."

"That's unfortunate." Crowley bit at Ezra's ear. "But... Ok, parents and kids are made to misunderstand each other. In good cases it can be just accepted that we're all different. And some are obnoxious. Hm... I love you... Sorry, I don't mean to undermine you, but I love you... Fuck, it rhymes. Bad style in prose. Alright, I'll stop kissing you and just listen. You're a wonderful person. I knew it."

"You can keep kissing me," Ezra said, with a weak little smile. "I'm... I'm just..." He'd been so sure everyone hated him, everyone in his family. He had been convinced they wouldn't approve, that he was unwelcome. And he'd been waiting for a sign, and here - here he'd received it. 

So - so why all the anger? Why all the loathing? Was it *him*? He felt his stomach threatening to turn inside out. "You... I..." His tongue poked out. "I want to ask, but I don't want to hurt you, and - and I'm thinking it. And... Crowley... what if our kids... what if one of us dies, or - or - we don't know how to talk to them?"

"Oh love..." Crowley interrupted himself with a proper breathtaking snog. "There are people who can help. We pick these people. And we have experience. You have more than I do, as it turns out. And you're kind , angel, so kind, so soft... Do you want me? Shit, shit, shit. I'm sorry. Don't want me!"

"I do... just... not. Not like that, right now. I'm afraid I'm..." Ezra ran fingers over Crowley's neck, and bundled up tighter. "I'm... thinking about a long, long time ago. And it feels like it would be wrong. When I'm - when i'm sad, and when I'm..." Remembering his childhood, his mother, his father... "You aren't angry with me, are you?"

"No. I was angry with you only once, angel. I feel I've known you forever. We're so close, so close... Not a hair between us, not a breath can fit... We're together, and it's beautiful. If you screwed something up... Who didn't? I screwed up a lot. I screw up all the time. I screwed up our first meeting! You can work it out with him. We can go to him, visit him, you know. Learn him. It will never be easy with him, I guess. But you'll learn. Like you learned from your sadness and loss... You're so brave, angel, so accepting, so lovely. And loved."

"I'm not so sure I'm as kind as you think I am... but I'm trying. I just... I wanted..." Okay, now he was fighting to hold back a massive wall of pain and ache in his chest, a pain that was raw, and angry, and old. "I just - I wanted him to die, not her! Because he never held me, and - and - he just - he pushed me here, and I - I thought - but it was me. It was me, who... it was me, angry, and hating me... Crowley... I'm *horrible*." He started to sob, his breathing giving way to painful noises and light-headed gulps.

Crowley held him to his chest. "No, angel, you're not horrible. Am I horrible for not knowing how to socialize? Am I horrible for being me? You were a child, you couldn't know any better, and you lost your mom. I can't even comprehend it!.. shhh, my love. Although, no, no shhh, cry. But you were a child. You couldn't have been empathetic when you yourself needed empathy. You couldn't know how to put it into words. You couldn't know ! It's ok not to know. Only trees know. And fish. And whales... And rabbis. Rabbits on the other hand, I think don't know. I might misjudge them. And... And... You think my moms just accepted I was weird? They took me to all sorts of people, who told them, hey, he's weird, it's ok. I bet your dad didn't have my moms... It's a pity not everyone can have my moms. But you do now."

"I should hope my d-dad didn't have your mothers... th-they are about the same age... and..." He sobbed again, making the bed rather wet with the mess of it all, and then wrapped arms, legs, even hair around him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm - it's just - it hurt so much and - and I was - I was so a-alone and... and now... now I ha-have you and... and you... and I - I understand more - and I'm still *angry* but I'm *s-sad* and I don't... know... I... I love you. I love you s-sssssso much... I'm sorry I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Well, you're a mess," Crowley made a stunning observation. "Now we're properly equal, angel. We can be messes together. Did you know you could play with infinities? Like, mathematically. Add, subtract, multiply, add, exponentiate... I hardly remember what the last one is..."

"...surely adding infinity to infinity is... the same as taking it away?" Ezra rubbed at his eyes. "So now we're both infinitely silly?"

"Probably. But there are smaller and bigger infinities too. Cantor, his name was. The guy who discovered it. Proved it... Like you proved me..." Crowley's voice lowered gradually and on his last words he slithered down a bit so his face was under Ezra's and pushed back up kissing him.

"I'm still very sorry. I - it was just... I didn't expect this. And... it's like everything has changed." Ezra shook his head. "And now... now... you come along, and you fix him, and you haven't even said 'hello'."

"I fix him?" Crowley returned to kissing Ezra ignorant of the fact that kissing prevented Ezra from replying. But Ezra was soft, and was moaning softly into Crowley's mouth, although maybe he tried to respond. Crowley framed Ezra's face between his palms and rolled them over to rest and wiggle on top of him. In the end he let go for a breath but continued kissing Ezra's cheeks and eyes and nose and ears and neck. "I love you. Don't want you sad. You don't deserve to be sad... Just loved and made love to, cared for, snuggled up, caressed, touched, fed... I love you, silly tree, I love you. I'm gonna just collapse from how much I love you."

"Please don't collapse." The affection was overwhelming, and Ezra let himself be touched, offering back as much as he could, giggling just a little. "You showed me how to listen better. Maybe I should say you fixed me, instead?"

"Didn't need fixing," Crowley was making a heroic effort pretending he only needed kissing. He wasn't aware of it, however, so all this was intended as soothing touches. He bit Ezra's shoulder where it rounded down to his arm, kissed the crease between an arm and torso, nipped at a collarbone, and then devoured Ezra's mouth again until he was short for breath. "You're perfect. Nothing to fix here... Anywhere." His hand slid down Ezra's side to grab at his hip. "So perfect, so beautiful, so lovely... I'm being so fucking inappropriate." He rolled off Ezra and stared at the ceiling. "Sorry. Overwhelmed. My fault. Won't happen again."

"Crowley..." Ezra ran two fingers over Crowley's hip-bone. "My darling... do you need?"

"I don't need anything." Crowley shook his head so violently that it was rather embarrassingly clear that he needed something. "Just... Drunk on you. But I'll behave."

"I don't want you to behave. Come here?" Ezra tried to tug Crowley on top of his lap. "Please? Kneel over me?"

Crowley said "Ngk" which usually meant he was about to defy any laws of physics and anatomy. Of course exactly that happened. He tossed his leg over Ezra and using it as leverage pulled himself up to straddle his husband... Future husband. Ah, fuck bureaucracy, he was Crowley's husband alright. "Yes, angel." And he leaned forward, propped up on his arms, Bowie and hearts and flowers.

"My darling, you really are the most beautiful thing, ever." A finger under Crowley's chin, gazing at his eyes. "You want to let me kiss your chest?"

"I... Want you, always. But you're sad. It's... You know what? If you're offering..." The shirt flew away to join major Tom, the boxers were tossed somewhere to be found a few days later during a vigorous vacuum cleaning session... As it was, Crowley was naked and smiling, trembling with tenderness. "Anything, angel."

"I'm sad, yes, but... you. You..." Ezra pulled Crowley closer, and grazed his lips across his torso. And down to his nipples, mouthing drily at the dusky pink nub. He breathed, and then nibbled, then licked underneath. "You. Are beautiful. So beautiful."

Crowley's back arched but Ezra's hands held him there and brought him yet closer to his mouth. "Angel... Yes..." His head snapped up and back. "Yes... Like that..."

Ezra felt a memory, let it bubble to his lips in the simple melody: "...tie a yellow ribbon 'round the ole oak tree 

It's been three long years, do you still want me?" His hands tugged on Crowley's hips, moved him to straddle him just right, sliding them to slot together, and feel his lover part just so. "If I don't see a ribbon round the ole oak tree 

I'll stay on the bus, forget about us, put the blame on me..."

"Don't break my heart, angel. I'll cover every fucking tree with yellow ribbons for you. I might turn yellow myself."

"Please don't. Yellow would not go with your hair." He followed sinew, muscle, tendon with his fingers. Felt the little shudders when he fell into one valley, then crested up to the next peak. A living, breathing landscape, and his eyes followed his hands, pushing into the hollows above his collarbones, curling around the blades behind, a subtle shift of his lap, sliding them together. His body was slower to react, but it didn't worry him. 

"Now the whole damned bus is cheerin'

And I can't believe I see

A hundred yellow ribbons round the ole oak tree

I'm comin' home..."

Crowley sobbed and fell aside, not his purpose, apparently, because he immediately scooted back and pretended he wasn't crying by way of forcing himself to smile. It was both ugly and adorable. "You can't sing to me, angel. I'll die."

"Push your fingers in my mouth, then, if you need me to be quiet." Ezra pushed Crowley's hair the wrong way, then giggled. "I need to either trim this or tie it back. Are you growing it out?"

"Trim. Do you want my fingers in your mouth? Because I'm not doing it unless you tell me the safe word and suchlike. It's too... Rude. Want to take care of you."

"I think you'd look good with it longer, but I'll happily help..." Ezra picked up Crowley's hand, using it to stroke those fingers over his lips. "I can nip lightly, or tap your hand or wrist... I want... I want... to make you feel loved. Important. I - I - also... want... to feel you take your pleasure..."

"Angel, I might be wrong... Doesn't happen much, but with people, a lot... You're not people, though. You're trying to punish yourself. Correct me if I'm wrong."

"...I don't know. But... I like to see you happy. And then that makes me feel happy. Useful." Ezra lowered his eyes, cheeks pinkening. "I... it... it also... makes me feel... desirable...?"

"Angel, I do nothing but want you," Crowley chuckled. "So... If you want me to take my pleasure, I get to do whatever I want?" He checked.

Ezra's mouth gulped down invisible lumps of something strange. "Yes. I - I would say if I wasn't comfortable. If you don't want to, it's okay."

Crowley smirked. "Safe word? I want you to talk, so no fingers or anything else in your mouth... For now."

"Hmm... treif?" He chewed his lip, checking it wasn't bad. "I can change it..."

"Lovely. Appropriate, too." Crowley praised. He scooted back and settled between Ezra's legs. "Knees to shoulders, angel." He demanded.

"As you wish," he said, grabbing under his thighs and hefting them up. It was strange. And thrilling. And scary, too. 

But he trusted him. Totally, entirely, utterly.

******************

"It won't be too hard, angel," Crowley ran his fingers up Ezra's thighs, and in one liquid, fluid movement he was on his stomach, mouth on Ezra's hole and Ezra's thighs were pulled to rest on Crowley's shoulders.

Ezra gasped at the sudden, wet greeting, the shock nearly making his legs kick. Instead, he grabbed at the sheets, heels sliding down Crowley's back, then up again, as he moaned with all the air in his lungs. "Crowley!" The shock of it had the blood rushing right to his prick, saluting the ceiling all at once.

Crowley hummed. His lips were joined by his tongue carefully prodding at Ezra's entrance. 

"Talk to me." Crowley stopped for a moment and looked up. "Or I'll bite you."

"Y-you... w-want me to choose to - to not want biting?" His belly heaved with the effort of breathing, and he glanced down. "Can I touch you? Or should I hold the headboard?"

Crowley licked up Ezra's perineum and planted small kisses on his inner thigh, eyes rolled up in consideration. "Hands on me, angel. Why should the headboard take its pleasure too?" He resumed his soft assault of Ezra's rim..

"Oh..." He reached for Crowley's shoulders, his neck, gliding over his warm skin. "I - I wanted to p-please you... but you... oh, Crowley... oh that feels so good... oh, harder, please?"

"I thought I was taking my pleasure. I'm here ravishing you. And how come you give me instructions, you insufferable love of my life?" Crowley did bite Ezra's thigh and licked his hole slower and wetter.

"AH! Ah! Oh, I'm s-sorry, it - it f-- AHHHH! Crowley!" Ezra hissed, and his back lifted from the bed, then he dropped back down, his body pressing into Crowley's mouth.

He licked in, as his hand wrapped around Ezra's cock and pumped experimentally. "I want you to talk to me." Crowley stopped everything looking at Ezra stormy-eyed. "Talk to me." 

He licked in harder and quicker.

"I - I - w-want! - oh I - Crowley, that - that... fuck. W-what should I say? You - you make me... make me so... make my heart race and... I... fuck... You - I mean, I love you - and you - Oh HELLS but please don't stop, please, I'm begging you! I need you so much! I'm..." Ezra tried to pull Crowley closer, scrunching tighter into him. "CROWLEY."

Crowley caressed Ezra's hips soothingly. "Want to come like that, angel? Could do this all day... Night, as it happens." 

He closed his eyes. "You're lovely." He continued French kissing Ezra's arse.

"I - I - want to come h-how you want me to..." Ezra tightened his thighs, pushing into the hand and scratching at Crowley's shoulders. "T-then I want you to - please?" He bore down, pushing his hole down, then trying to pull back from the over-stimulation. "I love you. I love you. I want you to come in me..."

"But I'm taking my pleasure... You're confusing, angel. Hands on the headboard."

"Y-yes." Ezra grabbed it, blinking through the sheen of sweat across his brow. And he whined, a wordless, begging noise. "Please. I don't know what you want me to say. All I know - is - is I need you."

Crowley slithered up to his hands and knees and moved to hover over Ezra. "My poor darling..." He wiped Ezra's brow with Ezra's shirt. "Now look. I have two options for you... I ride you, as you lie down and look at me. The second option would be... What would it be? Oh yes. I can let you touch my hips but my hips alone. So, what shall it be?"

"But if I had my hands on your hips... what then?" Ezra thought as deeply as he could, his hands clawing at the wood. "Please, tell me... I am lost. I am lost... Crowley, please tell me what to do?"

Crowley did so by way of lowering himself on Ezra's cock, smoothly and quickly. "Hands on my hips and look at me."

The slick, smooth sensation was glorious, but more so the way Crowley moved to envelop him, to join them together. Ezra clutched, and kneaded, and gazed up at Crowley with utter adoration. "You are so precious. So, so precious. I want to live inside of you, forever. Forever. You feel so good, please ride me! I want to see you come on me..."

"That's the point... I'm taking my pleasure." Crowley beamed. The tips of his fingers rested on Ezra's belly which of course soon proved too much. "Give me your hands, weave our fingers together. I need leverage and something to do with my hands... Call me your little tree." He blushed and looked away.

Ezra obliged at once, his smile all the way to his eyes, his fingers knotting tight. "My darling, my darling little tree. My perfect shoot, rising to hold up the heavens... the stars dance in your branches, the water slides down your sides..."

"Should have written song of songs, angel..." He was going for nonchalant, but couldn't help moaning, keening at Ezra's words. "More..."

"Your roots wrap around my heart, form my veins, beat out the love and life-blood. Your words, your touch, it shelters me from the storm... I rise in your lap, I grow in your bed..." He urged him faster, harder.

It rose like bubbles, to explode in Crowley's chest, blood rushing to his face and his hands... He wasn't sure what body he had anymore, but he moved faster, more purposefully - and slowed down. "Don't want it to end, angel. Sorry... I'm sorry. Want to... Linger on... Oh linger on, your pale blue eyes.

"Where you touch me, my sap rises. Sap, like the juice rushing through me. And sap, like the emotion, the - the laughter caught in my throat... my dear little tree, with the whole of life in one little bud, the energy, the potential... you grow, curled by light, by wind, by heat. My darling, beautiful sapling grown strong and sure..."

Crowley bit his lip, dropped his head, the overgrown hair covering his face. He stilled all of a sudden, let out a stiffened groan, his hands trembled in Ezra's.

"Come." He looked up, begging and demanding. "Come now."

"Come with me." Nose to nose. And a sudden brace of his feet and thighs. "Come with me. Prove me. Blossom..." He slammed their joined hands into the bed, and let the roll of their bodies end in a sigh, so happy and content.

"Fuck." Crowley remarked into Ezra's neck.

"Th-that was the idea," he replied, trying to keep the subtle, grinding movement going. Maybe he was supposed to submit to it, but he couldn't leave his tree unsatisfied. "Love you, love you so much."

"Ssstop... I came. Leave it... Fuck. I need to be held. That's my pleasure. What are you reading now? What time is it?" He answered the last question by himself, though. "Oh fuck. It's midnight..." He nuzzled Ezra's collarbone. "Sleep, angel."

"Then lie on me," he murmured. "Fall asleep on me, with me inside of you... as long as you can stand it... let me hold you, nurse you..." He released his hands, but only to snuggle Crowley as firmly as he could. "I love when you're all slack and sleepy. I love it when you're mad and dancing, too... but I love it when you rest, until your next storm..."

"M the oncoming storm..." Crowley wheezed, scaring Ezra, but it quickly turned out he was doing his best impression of TARDIS while falling asleep.

"You are that." Ezra kissed his cheek, and was happy he seemed content again. And - well - now they had their first wedding guest. Not what he expected this morning, at all.


	11. Tree husbandry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tree and a bee, you see  
> Were not made for solitary  
> As the lockdown drags forever  
> Keeping happy is quite an endeavour  
> But someday they'll both be free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, smut and so forth.  
> Both of us are back to work, so it will take like longer to update.

"Well, look at the bloody tree!" Leah turned her phone so that Crowley could see the fateful tree. He blushed. 

"Why is it alive?" He asked.

"That's what I'm asking! It has the audacity to bloom!"

"Lovely," replied Crowley dryly. 

"Where is Ezra?" Leah turned the phone back and as she was walking back into the house Crowley could see the tree in the background. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth and he pretended to cough.

"Why are you coughing?"

"Not coughing. Ezra won't let me cough. He's in the kitchen. Tries to make breakfast..."

"I take it... Your cooking has vastly improved." Leah chuckled and sat next to Sara on the sofa. Sara looked into the phone. 

"He trimmed your hair." She observed.

"He did!" Crowley beamed. 

"Good." Sara nodded and returned to her reading.

"So very eloquent, rabbi!" Leah laughed and kissed Sara on the cheek. "So what are you having for breakfast?"

"Hm... I wanted to make tortilla de patatas, but Ezra said he'd be cooking... And I've improved... I mean. He's either jealous or thinks it's a competition." Crowley scratched his belly through his old Queen t-shirt. It occurred to him he wasn't wearing anything else. The realization hit him with a flustered blush. 

"Not wearing anything else, right?" Asked Sara cooly without looking at the phone.

"I'm wearing a blanket." Crowley retorted. 

"Where is he? Boy isn't wearing anything. Who would ever leave boy all naked and alone?" Sara fumed.

"And how is your thesis going?" Sara asked, very innocently.

If Crowley could have blushed any more, he would have, for sure. A peculiar sequence of events ran through his head. It began rather innocuously, with him sitting by his laptop, even dressed, a bit, and then Ezra leaned over and kissed his neck and breathed into Crowley's ear that he was being such a clever darling, while the graphs on the screen stopped making any scientific sense and gained a lot of erotic meaning. The visions went on, with Crowley and Ezra making love on every available surface, as the laptop sat on the bed/table abandoned and jealous. 

"It's going... Slowly." He ended up admitting.

"I thought so." Sara smirked.

"But I brought all the data! I mean I brought the laptop and made sure all the data was there... It's going slowly. I'm cooking so much better."

"You mentioned, darling," Leah swallowed a laugh. "We're happy for you. Even if you never become a PhD."

"Dr Crowley-Fell," said Crowley dreamily.

"Oh, you decided to take his name? Is he taking yours?" Sara frowned.

"I... Guess so? I think so. Probably... I have to ask."

"You'd better." Sara retorted. "And work on your research. What are your perspectives?"

"Sara, his perspectives are to be happy, ok?" Leah snapped. "With his record he'll get a job anywhere! Scholarships look for him, not vice versa..."

Crowley remembered an envelope from Cambridge. He didn't get to open it, obviously, being otherwise occupied. He desperately wanted Ezra to come back and tell him he was a clever darling.

"Good morning," Ezra called to the future in-laws. "I'm afraid I need to steal your son for breakfast. And other things. Like... Scrabble..."

"Eggs!" Crowley greeted the food like a long lost relative. 

Moms appeared to be calmed down by Crowley's sudden interest in food. 

"We know your Scrabble..." Sara grumped.

"Have a good day, you two." Leah smiled. "Boy, don't forget your thesis entirely." They hung up. Crowley looked at Ezra.

"They asked me about my thesis... I... I'm not doing much, am I?"

"The world is ending. You're keeping me from going crazy, and you've taught me more about plant medicine than I knew existed..." He pointed to the eggs. Which he'd fried in heart shapes. 

"Don't forget the eggs."

"But if I'm not a doctor... Just an MS... Will you still marry me? And I love my thesis. In a way. Turned out that I love you better." Crowley mused with his mouth full. "Also... I talked to moms without wearing any pants!" He informed proudly.

"I would marry you if you had nothing after your name... I'm not marrying you for your credentials. It won't make you any less of a genius." He leaned over to kiss his cheek. 

"If you want to spend set time on it, or hold it until after the lockdown... I'll support whatever makes you happier. I can encourage you, or reassure you. And... You didn't flash them, did you?"

"No... But they guessed. I don't want to do anything for now... Just be with you. Want to be with you and eat your lovely ridiculous breakfast." Crowley laughed and kissed Ezra on the lips. "What are you in the mood for now?"

"Then you were perfectly decent. At least functionally so. And they know I keep you in a warm enough home... How about you do thesis any time you feel like it, at least for the time being? And later on we can discuss if you want some reminder or structure, or if that would make you happy. Trees have lived this long. They can wait a little more..."

He slung an arm over his shoulders. "I was thinking you could get a game from the cupboard."

Crowley jumped up, choking on his egg and coughing. "Which... One?" He was perfectly indecent and obviously oblivious.

"We did tell them Scrabble. Start with that?"

"Oh... Never lie to parents. Right." Crowley hopped off the bed and went to fetch the game. "Still not wearing any pants," he observed looking for Scrabble. "Got it." He returned to Ezra and covered his handsome indecency with a very fluffy blanket.

"Real clothes are available," he replied, having sneakily used the distraction to do the dishes himself.

"You smell of soap, angel. Did you do the dishes? How dare you!" Crowley against all logic kissed Ezra soundly on the lips. "Scrabble. You begin. "

"It's my prerogative to do the dishes in our house. Fine!" He drew his letters and scowled. They were not great. Hmmmm. 

He placed the tiles, spelling out 'Tired'.

Crowley looked at the letters in his hand, then at Ezra. "Dear," he said softly as he spelled the word from Ezra's 'd'.

Which made him blush, because he could only use the R to make 'rump'. "...I didn't mean to be crass..."

Crowley shook his head in mock disbelief and spelled "prim".

Ezra stared at the letters. Then went to the U and carried on. 'Ungulate'. Seven used. Fifty extra points. Smug. 

"That wasn't about you!"

Crowley calmly spelled "stomata" with the help of "prim" and "ungulate". "Not about you either, love." He appeared angelically innocent.

To which the simple word 'tree' went across the 'dear'. And he looked just as falsely innocent.

"Evil" Crowley spelled 'simple' from the last e in "tree".

Which he turned into 'love' from the end. And beamed.

"Very", added Crowley and beamed too.

Now it was 'you' as he gave up attempts to score points and started just writing love letters.

Crowley sighed. "Only" he added to the board.

Ezra grinned. "Are we playing OED rules?"

"Which are?" Crowley asked confusedly.

"Real words. In the OED...."

"Oh, by no means! Imaginary words are good too! There are imaginary numbers after all."

"Everything is imaginary if you think about it." He put down O M and P after the N.

"Aw... What a cute word! What does it mean? It has pink hair and is mad about you!" Crowley decided spelling "perfect".

"... Should you visit the Urban Dictionary?" He reached over and grabbed his upper thigh. And then stole a kiss. And some tiles.

"You..." Crowley pointed at Ezra. "Are a dirty cheater!" He threw a handful of tiles at Ezra.

"I'm a very clean cheater! I had a shower this morning!" He tried to shield his eyes. "You just forfeit the match!"

"You're a clean dirty cheater!" Crowley didn't give up, ever, not with Ezra. "And..." He threw more tiles. "You're forfeiting everything. I'll never play with you again, Mr Nomp!"

"Never? Not anything? So... I have to play with myself?" And yes. He was lewd. But Scrabble made him horny.

"You... Absolute, utter, beautiful bastard!" Crowley failed to hide his laughter and tossed a pillow at Ezra.

Ezra put said pillow between his thighs and started to hump it, moaning loudly. "Seven letters. Play it first... Oh, Mr Pillow... You're so soft..."

Crowley became so confused, his body didn't know whether to get pale or to blush. He opted for just stepping off and away from the bed. "Ezra... You're... Shocking me. What... What the fuck are you doing?" He was suddenly on the verge of tears.

"...You told me you didn't want to play with me," he explained, stopping the mime. "I was trying to make you jealous... I'm not actually aroused by pillows, you know."

Crowley couldn't handle it, though. He crouched on the floor, hiding behind his arms and sobbed.

"Darling... Crowley..." He dropped the pillow, and moved to crouch near him. "It was just a bad joke. I'm sorry, my boy. I didn't intend to hurt you."

His boy was having none of it. He kept crying somewhere deep inside his own head, where he couldn't understand or explain why he was so upset. For some reason the sight of Ezra being suggestive made him think he was unloved. Perhaps he knew it was foolish, or rather he would see it was foolish, but for now he was heartbroken, scared and lost for words.

"Crowley? Crowley... I'm going to hug you, if that's okay? Can you hear me?"

Crowley didn't answer, just tucked his feet closer to himself, trying to practically disappear into the wall.

Hands first touched shoulders, waiting for a reaction, before rubbing over his arms. "Darling, darling tree... I'm here. I'm here... Come back to me?"

Words poured out of Crowley at lightspeed and making little sense. "I... Thought... Y-you don't love me. D-don't trust me. Why did you cheat? Why did you hump the pillow? I don't understand, I c-cant understand..." He wailed. The embrace wasn't returned, and he didn't lift his head.

He wasn't pushed away, so Ezra cuddled closer. "I'm sorry you thought it was cheating. I wasn't really interested in the pillow. I was trying to make you say you still wanted *me*, because you said you wouldn't play with me. It was to make you want me, but it was only a joke that you didn't find funny. I'm sorry... Crowley. Please, forgive me? I didn't mean to make you feel this. It's a misunderstanding."

He was, of course, feeling utterly nauseous now. And doing everything he could not to melt down himself. "Crowley... Would it help to know what I was saying? I just wanted you to throw the pillow away and say I'm only yours."

"Really?" The crying stopped and Crowley looked up, very hopeful and puffy-eyed. "That's... All? Why didn't you tell me? Why did snatched the tiles from me? I... I don't get it. I can't. I can't... Of course... No. You don't want to be mine. I don't understand your jokes. I'm hateful." He buried his face in his knees again.

"I was flirting. Very poorly. I was going to write messages with the tiles..." He squeezed his shoulders. "I was stealing them to tell you I love you, and to do bad things not related to word games... And I thought you understood and were playing the same game."

He touched a foot to his. "Do... Do you know how I can... Help? How I can... Fix this? Because I need you to know I *am* yours. And you *are* mine. And if I'm not making it clear, I want to do better."

"You'll have to spell things out to me... It was fine. I just... Didn't expect you to take it to the next level. I'm sorry. I didn't... I don't always understand things... You won't hate me, will you? You won't. You just said you're mine and I'm yours..." He continued talking to his knees which made it difficult for Ezra to understand him.

"Can I pick you up?" He asked, waiting for a response before moving.

Crowley lifted his head. "You... You want to? You're not angry with me, right?"

"No. I'm angry with myself." He offered his arms, waiting, then scooped him up to take him back to the board. 

With care, he sat down, one arm around him and the other fetching tiles. 

The first part was easy as most were still there. 

I LOVE YOU DEAR TREE 

"...you did say to spell it out..."

"I love you too, dear tree," Crowley whispered, wide-eyed and dizzy. "I'm sorry... I... I wanted... I thought... Thought you'd take me and we make love and laugh... And I spoilt everything."

"Why is it spoilt? I still love you. Don't worry." He cuddled him closer, and pulled knees and arms around him. "I thought the same. But if you don't want to - yet - it's fine."

"I terribly want to..." Crowley admitted, both sullenly and hopefully. "Would you?" He glanced at Ezra, eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips, to his neck. 

Crowley gingerly brought his fingers to the first button of Ezra's shirt and asked "May I?"

"I always want to." His hand moved, pulling up the inside of his thigh, urging the knees to part. "I want to fuck you through the whole alphabet."

"I... I'd love it if you spoke more gently to me now," Crowley's hand moved back. "Please..." He begged. "Please be gentle."

"I'm sorry." He used just his thumb, the touch softer. "I love you. So, so much. I want to stare into your eyes and touch you, to kiss you all over, to let you bask in my love..."

"That's better." Crowley closed his eyes and hummed in appreciation. His hands returned to Ezra's shirt. He gently unbuttoned it and pushed it down Ezra's shoulders. "There you are." He nuzzled Ezra's neck. "Smelling so good. Smelling of you..." He lifted his face offering himself for a kiss.

***************************************

"I am dreadfully sorry, you know. I could never want to do anything to hurt you." He curled his hand over his crotch, and rocked his palm into him. "May I use my fingers on you, my beautiful, beautiful creature?"

Crowley flinched and firmly snapped Ezra's hand away. "I'm sorry... I... I didn't mean to. Not yet. I want a kiss. Don't... Don't fuck me, ok? Make love to me... Please."

"Hold my hands still?" he asked. "With yours. So all I can use is my lips?"

"No. I trust you." Crowley pulled Ezra closer, a hand on the nape of his neck and kissed him, carefully, so infinitely carefully, just lips. One hand was behind him, he rested on it, and the other caressed Ezra's neck, the fingers carding through hair. "Come," Crowley broke the kiss for a moment. "Come here," he lay down tugging Ezra on top and bringing his now freed hand to rest on Ezra's shoulder, as if they had been dancing. He slithered down from Ezra's hair to the small of his back, pressing his husband closer to himself, as he opened his legs letting Ezra rest between them.

"I love you," he settled into place, and dropped his head to kiss over his collarbones, licking his way into the dip, and then pushed his head back by the hair, to expose his throat for suckling. He kept his fingers moving over his scalp, and pushed to lick into the soft space behind his jaw.

"Your hand on my hip... And up my shirt. Look at me."

"How can I kiss you if I do that?" he asked, as he lifted his head. He grazed his hip, then over his belly, up his side. "My darling... tell me what to do."

"I'm going to undress you." Crowley helped Ezra wiggle out of pants and underwear. 

"I love you too, angel. Check if I'm ready, alright?"

"May I use my hands?" he asked, gently holding his ass and guiding him to slide against him.

"You can. Please." Crowley smiled up at Ezra, finally completely relaxed.

Ezra pushed between shoulders, wanting to feel the beat of his heart, needing the contact and reassurance. His own breathing caught, here then there, as first his thumb slipped between the crease, playing delicately at his hole, then his fingers pressed into the softer flesh between the two. When he pushed, he felt an answering slickness gathering, musky and sweet. Coaxing gestures, crooking in the narrow space, urged more to flow. 

"I never want to hurt you, little tree. If I offend you with gusts of ill-wind, please repel me. I am yours, only yours. And a poor forest spirit not wise enough to stay out of fairy rings."

Crowley moaned, arching back. "Oh fuck, angel... Yes, yes, there... And... And in my arse too. Want to be full of you..."

He urged the folds apart, making sure they slotted neatly together, but refusing to enter. Then he gathered up the juices, enough to roll around the rim, to tug the hole, easing it wider, but offering nothing but air to slide inside. 

"Enough? Or do we need the lube?"

"Perfect." Crowley leaned up for a kiss. "Now get in, angel." He fell back on the bed. "I love you, forest spirit. My Erlkönig, with a crown and a tail."

One slender, clever finger pushed inside, bending to knead at the inner wall, flexing and fucking him slowly, tenderly. "Take my graft, then, and we'll become something new. Something greater, with all our strengths combined. Let the bee inside your petals, and stroke your stamen over me..."

"Sexy botanics... My kink!" Crowley laughed tossing his head and scratching on Ezra's back.

"Isn't it all sexy?" He pushed him forwards, then tugged him back, the motion nearly causing them to interlock, but mostly teasing flush skin together. His cut cock head rutting at the waiting, clenching hole... Until he used his other hand to guide it to penetrate past the first inch. "Sink down, take root, little tree. Take me inside you."

"Yeeeesssss... Yess... Lovely... So lovely, my forest spirit. How... Yes. Keep going."

"Dance for me, my darling. Tell me all the wonders of the world. Tell me what you see, from way up high..." He caught his neck, pulled it to his shoulder, his thighs flexing to rock them together as his finger gently probed. He didn't want to go too far without lube added to their natural release, but sometimes the closeness from just that was even more thrilling. "Talk to me, sing to me, please?"

_"The love of the body of man or woman balks account, the body itself balks account,_

_That of the male is perfect, and that of the female is perfect._

_The expression of the face balks account,_

_But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face,_

_It is in his limbs and joints also, it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists,_

_It is in his walk, the carriage of his neck, the flex of his waist and knees, dress does not hide him,_

_The strong sweet quality he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,_

_To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more,_

_You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side...The voice, articulation, language, whispering, shouting aloud,_

_Food, drink, pulse, digestion, sweat, sleep, walking, swimming,_

_Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,_

_The continual changes of the flex of the mouth, and around the eyes,_

_The skin, the sunburnt shade, freckles, hair,_

_The curious sympathy one feels when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body,_

_The circling rivers the breath, and breathing it in and out,_

_The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees,_

_The thin red jellies within you or within me, the bones and the marrow in the bones,_

_The exquisite realization of health;_

_O I say these are not the parts and poems of the body only, but of the soul,_

_O I say now these are the soul!.. I sing the body electric..."_ Crowley pushed back and arched forward, desperate and mumbling. "Yes, angel, my energy, my warmth, my breath, blood and flesh... My love... Yes."

The words arced through him like electricity seeking earth, and Ezra surged with what power he had, chasing the rhythm their bodies instinctively fell into. He mouthed at his neck, frustration with his inability to express himself making him angry, but the good angry. 

"Crowley!" He tried to push the finger deeper, the others working his delicate skin. But it wasn't enough, wasn't nearly enough, and his finger pulled out and his hands grabbed hips as he rolled them so he was below. He held him up so he could drive down, needing the faster, harsher connection. "Please keep going!"

"I... Don't remember anymore! But you're my love, and if I'm unable to express it, then I'll be damned..." Tears ran down his cheeks. "You're my home, my refuge... There's no one but you... No one but you! Can you feel it? Do you know it? There can be nobody else. I only could ever belong to you, angel... You and you alone. I can't stand a mere thought of someone else touching me. I don't want to have a body unless it's you inside and all around it. I only ever want you... Just you. My darling, my beloved, my spouse, my everything... You're the book I could never find in the library, the text I could never make out... All my knowledge, all my power, my blood and my breath, my flesh... My one and only. So good inside me, so perfect. How come I lived without you? I always knew you were there. I always knew you'd wait for me, you'd come for me."

Ezra couldn't cope. It was too much, and no matter how he grabbed, clawed, thrust... "I can't... Get deep enough... Not for how I... How I love you..." He grabbed a leg, pushing it back, bending him to get deeper. "Crowley! I ... I need you! So much!"

"Take me. All of me. Take me away from everyone else, angel... Take me away!" Crowley dug his fingers into Ezra's back. "Let no one else have me, let no one else love me. Just you, till the end of my days."

"You're mine, only mine, and I will love you forever, I will take you. only you, only ever you..." He grabbed both knees, shoving them back, rolling him up and then linking his hands around the back of his neck, pushing as hard as he could. "Stroke your cock. Show me. Show me how much you love me. Come apart for me, and don't stop until I tell you."

Crowley didn't need any of it. He wailed hopelessly, desperately, clutching at Ezra's back and moaning loudly. "Here I am... Every atom of me... At your mercy. Don't you ever leave me. Don't you ever... EZRA!"

"Keep going," he begged, rocking the whole bed with each slam, hands digging into his neck, angling as deep as he could. "Mine, you're mine, you're mine and only mine... don't stop, don't stop!" The contractions around him were so good, but so was the note in his lover's voice. It was that - or - them - or the feeling, not the sensation, and his toes tried to spread and curl and evolve into a whole other species as he rutted the rest of his arousal into him, howling out his name as he spilled, forcing him into the bed as he ground their hips harder through each spasm.

"Fuck, Ezra... So beautiful. So handsome, so pretty." Fingers dug deeper into skin, as he leaned up for more kisses, more touch. "Make me yours. Hide me in your pocket, hide me from everyone... Make me yours, yours... Yours. Love you. You alone. Just you... I shouldn't have lived without you. Shouldn't have. Shouldn't have." He rutted upwards to take more of Ezra inside, both his cock and his fingers, more of everything.

Ezra grabbed more of the juices spent, then pushed two fingers into his rump, kissing, biting, wordlessly trying to join as close as they could. He whimpered, and nearly rubbed the skin off Crowley's back with how hard he thrust him into the bed. "L-love you," he whispered, as he did his best. "Come, resolve, give me yourself, give me it all..."

"You already have it," Crowley whispered biting at Ezra's ear. "All of me. Come with me."

He barely had anything left, but it was all Crowley's to demand. He pushed those fingers up, towards the place where his cock bore down, and grabbed a mouthful of hair to smother his wail.

"There... Oh, angel, thank you..." Crowley peppered Ezra's face with kisses. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you." Crowley held him and rocked them together left to right a few times.

He was too spent to thrust, but the fingers kept flexing, spreading to bear down either side of his cock inside, walking them firmly over the taut flesh. "You are mine, you know. Only mine, and the only one I'll ever love. You know that, right?" His voice was rough, as the emotion made his eyes leak.

"I know. Thank you. It was our best time yet. I'm pretty sure there's a long-long word on my back." Crowley played with Ezra's hair. "But I'm not letting you go. You can pull out, but stay on me, alright?"

Ezra removed his fingers first, but then rocked a little. "Could stay in, unless it's uncomfortable?" He wiped his fingers on the bed, then stroked the slight jut of hip bone under his thumb. His expression was hazy, but pleased. "Next time we could just say we're mad but not get mad... And have the makeup sex without the stress..."

*******************************

"I suppose... You are very welcome to stay. I'd like you to grow in me. Such a pity we are not trees... This is good too, though. So good. So good..." His embrace grew impossibly tight.

"Well, it's not for want of trying. Maybe we'd die of happiness, so this is as close as we can be..." He put a hand on his forehead, tilting it back, kissing along his jaw. "I like this Crowley best, anyway."

"It's because you haven't seen me with bows and leaves and roots... I think I'd be an apple tree. You?"

"I think a pear tree... Perhaps. And then you'd be sexy, but we wouldn't be able to make apple pears....?"

"Matter of good care and skilful husbandry of trees, angel. Nothing particularly hard, I'm telling you... I'd bribe my pollinator!"

"Are we allowed to believe in reincarnation? Because if so, we could very well become trees, next time around."

"We could. But who will take care of us?"

"We'll take care of each other. Nature is more resilient than you think..."

"Oh really? Wouldn't know." Crowley smirked, but fondly. "My fussy angel... What are you in the mood for now?"

"Whatever it is, it involves you. Hopefully in close proximity to me. Preferably making contact with me."

"Definitely... Say, angel, how about we make a meal together? You'll pester me while I'm cooking?" Crowley chuckled.

"Are you implying... that I cannot cook?" he teased. "I burned the rice one time, and it was because you were being too cute."

"I can't be cuter than rice," Crowley replied, doubt in his voice. "But still, I'm implying only that we could be near each other without sex. Could... Could just know, you know? Know that we belong together in any way."

"What if we *both* cook," he teased, and nuzzled under his ear. "I can prepare some of the ingredients. And cuddle you when you're on the hob..."

"What do you want to cook, my sweet darling? A pie? Would you like dessert for lunch? Would you like me to make ravioli?" Crowley nipped at Ezra's ear and grabbed his butt. "Or would you like something... Else?"

"How about... how about we try to recreate my grandmother's stew?" He wriggled his butt into those hands. "There's... there's a section of cookbooks. And I know at least one of them she annotated. I never felt brave enough to attempt them, but if we don't do it now, we never will?"

"Let's do it!" Crowley said and stood up oblivious to Ezra's weight or anything else. "Come! Let's cook! Oi. I'm naked."

"Not my fault... but you will want an apron, at least," he joked, and lightly slapped his groin. "You forget that we're not, actually, nudist as a species, right?"

"Hm... No, I'm naked and have no shame. I want my husband to ogle me, shamelessly. Want him to watch me bend over to put something into the oven. Want his hands on me. Definitely his mouth... mouth." Crowley rather absent-mindedly walked to the kitchen, swaying his hips.

"Not when cooking... I like you to be uninjured by our meals, and then I can admire you after. And anyway, you're still attractive when you're dressed." Ezra grabbed his wrist, clucking, and made sure they at least wiped clean. And then threw the longest shirt he had at Crowley, so he would at least protect his nethers.

"Boxers too!" Demanded Crowley. "The most embarrassing you've got! The fluffiest, the angelest! I want them on my bottom!" He stood with his arms akimbo.

Ezra had, of course, secretly bought quite a lot more. Of the more ridiculous kind, that he would never wear. So when he opened the drawer, he revealed some in tartan. With little tartan hearts on, too. "These?"

"This is your most ridiculous? No unicorns? No books? No boxers with Oscar Wilde's portrait? Or with his quotes?"

"...the... the tartans are... two warring clans. It's Romeo and Juliet, but in patterned fabric..." His face fell. "I thought you would be amused."

"Angel, I am amused! Very much so!" Crowley grabbed the boxers and put them on by way of hopping around and flashing his arse.

"You have never been more attractive to me," Ezra teased, though he was being honest.

"Really? Thought my tight pants did the trick!.." Crowley scratched at his head, very much puzzled. "I may have several tricks after all... Come on. What should we make?"

"It's not what you wear, but how." He kissed his nose. "Grandma's book. I'll show you, she annotated one in particular, offering improvements in the margins..."

"We're going to cook a book?"

"...we're going to consult her *cook book*."

"Oh... Sorry. Killed the mood, didn't I? Come, angel. I love you. Let's cook. I'm even remotely dressed. I still don't see why we can't walk around naked. You're so gorgeous."

"Splatter," he reminded him. "And splinters. And not wearing my dick out because I pounce you *every* minute of the day. I would like some time between... if for nothing else than to recoup my fluid loss." He arched, to kiss his hair. "I'll show you..."

"No, you don't pounce me every minute!" Crowley was scandalised. "You could pounce me much more. I definitely could pounce you much more. You're a hedonist, angel. You can never have enough. And I'm up to the challenge!" Crowley added proudly. "I have stamina of a tree, angel. And a word printed on my back."

Ezra caught his face in both hands. "Your dick is superior to mine. Please have mercy on my poor, old bones. And anyway, watching you cook, eat, move, breathe... is more enticing, more erotic, than any porn. You could snore and my heart would break in two over the sound, but I do very much want to eat today."

"I don't snore! Do I?"

"Sometimes. When you've fallen asleep in a funny position. I find it utterly endearing."

"Ok... I believe you. You snore. I kick you when you do. It doesn't help. Sorry."

"...does it bother you?"

"The kicking? Of course it does. It's an unnegotiated kink!"

"I meant the snoring. I doubt you can count it as kink if you're not getting off on it, I'm not, and I don't even notice you do it?"

"I do. I hear everything. Cats. Rats. Cockroaches sometimes... The wind, the water in the pipes..." Crowley's face fell.

"... Is there anything I can do to assist?" He held out an old book, filled with meticulous pencil annotations.

"No... Just me." Crowley shrugged. He sat by the table and began to look through the book, humming here and there and trying to remember which ingredients they had and which they didn't.

"Are you sure? What if I tried a nose pincher, or - or - earplugs?" He curled his arms around his neck, and peered over his shoulder. "Anything you're liking the look of?"

"Lovely..." Crowley muttered softly wrapping his fingers around Ezra's wrist. "So lovely, angel. I want you to choose... I don't want you to do anything about your snoring. It's a part of you, and I love all of you."

"Hmm... how about we have the paella... and then... oh, how about the gingerbread?" He squeezed his thigh. "And then, a movie?"

"Perfect." Crowley turned his head to give Ezra a kiss. "Which paella you want to make, angel? Did I mention I love you? I'll start the rice, you pick the ingredients, alright?" He stood up to take a pot, put the full kettle on the stove as he did, searched for rice... It was sweet and casual, the way he moved in Ezra's kitchen, trying to be graceful but often dropping things, giving Ezra a tender touch each time they were close, and with the size of the kitchen, they were close most of the time, clammed together in a small space like two giddy oysters.

"The spicy one. I love you too. And I'll do that..." He started to dance around the kitchen between steps, bumping his rump to Crowley's as he did. "Do you think I can add more shallots? I'm not sure..."

Crowley looked over. "Nah, that's enough. What does grandma say?" He stirred the rice once and covered it to simmer. "Should we use chicken or beef?" Crowley moved to the fridge giving Ezra's shoulder a kiss.

"Chicken... and she didn't say I could put more in, but she didn't say I *couldn't*. I just... would like to try." He then deployed his big, puppy dog eyes. "Maybe... just one more?"

Crowley harrumphed. "Angel, as far as I'm concerned, you can put more onions than rice. You'll be complaining afterwards... You cut it anyway. I'm cutting the chicken." He took the chicken out. "Peppers, tomatoes... What else do we want?"

"And some lem-- oh, shit. No... add some more vinegar and... garlic. Yes..." He was already grabbing a pencil, adding his own notes. Crossing out the citrus, adding in the suggestions. "Okay, you do the chicken, I'll handle the veg and seasoning."

"Angel, if you do seasoning... No, you know what? Do the seasoning. Don't complain afterwards."

"You know, I do actually have some talents. I'm just... learning, that's all." Ezra stuck the pencil behind his ear. "And it's not my fault your sense of smell is that of a bloodhound."

"Bloodhound..." Crowley rasped and looked at Ezra with somewhat heavy eyes. "Well, I could tell you the colour of each of your smells if you want. With music to match."

"Synesthete, too? Will your marvels never end?" He dropped his contribution into the pan. "There."

Crowley hummed and chopped the vegetables just the way they did in one YouTube video. "That. That long word. Yes. You smell pink and sometimes red under your arms. Beethoven's Seventh, Allegretto."

"... I'm not sure I want... My armpits to be music. I mean. Not sure I want to know... What does my hair smell of?"

"Deep purple... Perhaps of lavender. Sounds like something decadent. Shostakovich's foxtrot." Crowley passed over to Ezra a cutting board with vegetables.

"Now... you're going to hum it, and I'm not going to play it," he demanded, and pushed the final elements into the dish. "Maybe we will dance?"

"I can't dance foxtrot, angel. You smell like Stravinsky between your legs. Your come smells like... Gershwin when you're playful. Schnitke when you're wistful."

"...Crowley..." He grabbed a wrist, spun him away from the kitchen, leaving the hob to fend for itself. "I can't, either, so how do we know that we're not doing it right? And who is there to judge?"

"What do you mean, angel? We're doing it right. Look around!" He gestured wildly at the world. "It's just us. Only us. Our own side."

"Then, sing, and I'll lead..." He started to whirl him, slowly, pulling, pushing, grinning like a loon. "Dance!"

"I won't dance... How could I? I won't dance! How would I? I know that music is the way to romance... And if I hold you in my arms... I won't dance."

"Then I will dance alone, and you will watch..." He let go, and started to wiggle around him playfully.

"You'll be the death of me, angel," Crowley said serenely slithering his arms around Ezra's waist. "I'll die for you."

"Maybe after many, many decades together?" He wiggled even more.

" _You I saw, your look replied,_

_Your sweet felicity, my own,_

_My heart was with you, at your side,_

_I breathed for you, for you alone._

_A blush was there, as if your face_

_A rosy hue of Spring had caught,_

_For me-ye gods!-this tenderness!_

_I hoped, and I deserved it not._ " Crowley cooed slowly while Goethe nodded approvingly from his grave. "I wish I remembered the original... I wish I invented language so that I could sing about you. What have you done to me? What have you turned me in?"

"I simply blew away the dust, and let you shine," Ezra said, and dropped to one knee, his eyes twinkling. "Marry me?"

"Always." Crowley replied in earnest. "I'll always marry you. There was no one before you. There will be none if you choose to leave me."

"I should propose to you every day... or maybe you'd be bored. How about once a week?" He held his hands out, wanting to hug.

Crowley scooped him up and held him tight. "Marry me, marry me, marry me, marry me, every day, marry me, always, marry me. Never stop marrying me. I'm yours till my last breath. Marry me, marry me, marry me, I think we forgot to add the chicken, marry me, fuck it all, stay with me, be mine, marry me, forever. Marry me, marry me, marry me, marry me."

"How about... I marry you... and we add the chicken... and I touch your butt... and I tell you that.... *It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something FUN to do... hey Crowley... think I'm gonna marry you*..."

"It sounds wonderful." Crowley let Ezra add the chicken. "I love you. I'm just a stupid tree with yellow eyes and I love you, Ezra Fell, and there's no place in the known universe where I'd be rather than with you here, in your small kitchen... Fuck, Ezra, I can't imagine what it would have been like if you didn't let me talk to you, if you didn't accept me, if you didn't kiss me by that pond. You're everything to me. The measure of all things... What have you done to me? I love you."

"You don't need to think about that. Because you have me." He then grabbed his hands, twirling him, spinning him into a waltz, or something else. It was steps, and hip-checks, and then he rolled him round so he was behind, arms crossed over his front, and nose in his shoulder. "Now... some movie until we eat?"

Yes... Yes to all. Long as I can be with you it's a lovely day."

"How about something funny? Hmm, or something animated?"

"Frozen?" Crowley asked tentatively. "Frozen 2? Moana? WALL-E?" At the mention of the last one he burst out crying.

"...hey, what's wrong with the robot movie? But all of them are fine..." He squeezed again. "Darling, what's wrong?"

"He flew to space to be with his love!" Crowley wailed. "It's the most heartbreaking love story ever. Romeo and Juliet have nothing on the dumpster robot..."

"But they have a happy ending, and also - Romeo and Juliet is awful." He moved to sit him down on the couch. "Would it be a bad thing to watch right now?"

"If you hug me to death, it won't," Crowley replied. "Romeo and Juliet is awful indeed. No condoms. No discussion of consent. No idea where babies come from! Who lets horny teenagers decide anything? No wonder everyone dies in Hamlet! Horny teenagers stroke again, but they are middle aged men!"

"...but... they also have murder suicide and I'm not really sure they actually *do* love one another. I mean - before you - I didn't think there was such a thing as love at first sight. But - we *spoke* to one another... we had *tea*!" He pushed him into the couch, and wrapped around him.

"We did. We're... Not teenagers. We deserve to have kinks and love at first sight. Also, had they been gay, I would have approved. But who in their right mind would want that Romeo? He was an arse! Really, Mercutio deserved so much better!"

"...wait, you think that Juliet should have hooked up with the nurse?" he joked. "And - well - yes. But Hamlet was totally game for Horatio. Threesome, you think?"

"Totally! They and Ophelia would have made for a happy family. She'd dom them! And Juliet... She should have hooked up with Mercutio. I think. I mean these two are the only clever ones in the play!"

"What about the Lion King, then?" He flicked at the screen, getting the movie going.

"I'll cry." Crowley shook his head.

"No, I meant - opinion thereof?"

"Cry," Crowley explained. "Also, very bad Hamlet adaption. The pig is awesome, though... And the meerkat. How about we watch Coco?"

"Coco sounds great. But it was a re-imagining, and - well - for kids I thought it was good. I cried a lot about *that* movie. You ever see the Broadway version?"

"No... I don't think I did... Angel, is something burning?"

"SHIT!"

A few minutes later, with two... Darker than desired plates, an abashed Ezra appeared. 

"We need a timer."

Crowley hummed. "What shape?" He asked browsing on his phone.

"A tree?" He placed plates and cutlery down. "... Is this... Edible?"

"We can't know until we taste it!" Crowley proclaimed and dug into food. "It's edible. Good even. Paella has to be burnt a little. It says so in the book."

"... Did you add that in yourself?" Though it was around a mouth full of said food, and he hadn't spat any out.

"No. It was written. In your grandma's handwriting. Underlined." Crowley swallowed a mouthful of food. "What about wine?"

"Hmmmm... What about a malbec?" He was up on his feet and at the small (hah) selection at once.

"I prefer Merlot," Crowley pouted. "Whatever you want." He gave up immediately.

"How about we each have a bottle?" He plucked two out. "No sense in suffering."

"Yeah. Totally. Let's get drunk and watch something tear-jerking!"

"Nope... Happy only. Maybe I'll put the Tellytubbies on... Can't cry about that, I'm sure....?"

"They're so ugly..." Crowley appeared to genuinely sob. "I can't... They are... Incredibly ugly. I'm so sorry!"

Ezra clapped his hands to his mouth. "But... Not Noo-Noo?"

"Nooooooo," Crowley wailed. "Let's just watch something... Funny. Innocent. Tasteful. Something with Astaire and Rogers?"

"Or... Nature documentaries? You could tell me where it's wrong?"

Crowley's eyes lit. "Yes. Let's do these! I'll tell you everything!"

"Planet Earth.... Oh yes, I like this one!" He flicked it on. "I'm going to look away when they kill things if I'm eating, just so you know."

"Life is... Tough." Crowley admitted putting his plate aside. "That's why it's so good to have you..." He cozied up to Ezra.

"...but you should eat a little bit more..." He tugged the plate back. "Come on."

"Moms adore you, don't they?" Crowley asked suspiciously.

"Well, one of them does." He pushed it into his lap. "Come on. Come on. A little bit more..."

"Why just one?" Crowley's suspicions grew stronger.

"Because I made you cry, remember?" He looked at his sock-wearing feet. "But. You know. I'm working on it."

"Ehm... I think Sara is head over heels with you. I make sure she knows how amazing you are in the bed."

"WHAT?" Ezra nearly threw the paella. "You can't!"

"I'm not giving her any details. Believe me, there are things you can say to a rabbi by way of quoting Song of songs."

"That's almost as bad... just..." He shoved three mouthfuls in, in quick succession. And then three more. And then made a little startled noise because there were rabbits, and they were cute.

"Oh, look, rabbits. They are cute." Crowley voiced Ezra's thoughts. "Sara wants me happy and she wants me happy in a measurable fashion. So I tell her I come ten times a day, and she loves you!" Crowley seemed confused by Ezra's indignation.

Now the cushion came up to his mouth, and he screamed into the fabric for a few minutes. Maybe far too many. And then he lowered it, and offered a weak smile. "Well. I'm glad she likes me!"

"Angel, I swear, no details. Just... Tanakhic language alone! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you... You don't love me now, do you?"

"I do. And. I'm glad you're open with her. It's just that I..." He squirmed, and then grabbed his hand. "I just... haven't... I didn't have that relationship with my parents, so I haven't... I'm happy you're able to. I just might take a while before I can look them in the eye. And that's... my fault, for being... prudish."

"Sara can barely hold eye contact, angel, so no problem with that... You're sure you love me? I love you crazy! I can't get enough of you. If I can spend the rest of my days just cuddling here, I'd be happy. I want you. I love you. I'm clingy and needy, ain't I? But it's true! It is..." Crowley grew sadder.

"If you're clingy and needy, then, I'm clingy-and-needy-sexual. Or, at least, Crowley-sexual." He put the paella plate away, and then shoved him into the couch, to kiss his face in a flurry of smooching noises. "You, and bunnies, and the couch, and my hands in your hair..."

**Author's Note:**

> Made you look🥰🤩🧡🐋🍀


End file.
